精選英語(yǔ)幽默故事
“哪里有人,哪里就有笑聲。”從古到今,笑話是人們生活中不可缺少的“調(diào)劑品”。笑話使人們?cè)诳贪宓纳钪懈械揭唤z快意和放松，在人們的日常生活中起著重要調(diào)劑作用。下面學(xué)習(xí)啦小編為大家?guī)?lái)精選英語(yǔ)幽默故事，歡迎大家閱讀!
精選英語(yǔ)幽默故事：換個(gè)工作
The doctor looked at his patient's tongue, felt his pulse, knocked on his chest, and began: "Same old story, my friend. Too much confinement. Do not deny it. What you need is plenty of outdoor exercise. Walk, Walk."
"But, doctor..."
"Don't argue with me. I am the doctor. Take my advice. Walk ten times as much as you do now. That's the only thing that will cure you."
"But my business..."
"That is just the trouble. Your business! Well, change your business, so that you can get a chance to walk more. What is your business?"
"I'm a letter-carrier."
醫(yī)生看了看病人的舌頭，號(hào)了號(hào)脈。 敲了敲他地胸部，說(shuō)道：“還是老問(wèn)題，朋友， 運(yùn)動(dòng)量太小，不要否認(rèn)這個(gè)事實(shí)。 你需要大量的戶外運(yùn)動(dòng)。 走路。 走路。 ”
“不過(guò)，醫(yī)生……”
“不要同我爭(zhēng)辯，我是醫(yī)生。遵照我的囑咐，走10倍于你現(xiàn)在所走的路，這是治愈你的疾病地唯一方法。 ”
“然而我的工作是……”
“這正是問(wèn)題所在。 你的工作!好吧，換一個(gè)工作。 這樣一來(lái)，你就有機(jī)會(huì)多走動(dòng)了。 你是干什么的?”
“我是一名郵遞員。 ”
精選英語(yǔ)幽默故事：一臺(tái)更好的洗碗機(jī)
Mrs Williams lived in a small street in London, and now she had a new neighbour.
Her name was Mrs Briggs, and she talked a lot about her expensive furniture, her beautiful carpets and her new kitchen.
"Do you know," she said to Mrs Williams one day, "I've got a new dishwasher. It washes the plates and glasses and knives and forks beautifully."
"Oh? " Mrs Williams answered." And does it dry them and put them in the cupboard, too ?"
Mrs Briggs was surprised. "Well," she answered, "the things in the machine are dry after an hour, but it doesn't put them away, of course."
"I've had a dishwasher for twelve and a half years," Mrs Williams said.
"Oh?" Mrs Briggs answered, "And does yours put the things in the cupboard when it has washed them?"
She laughed nastily. "Yes, he does," Mrs Williams answered."He dries the dishes and puts them away."
威廉姆斯太太住在倫敦的的一條小街上，現(xiàn)在她有了一位新鄰居。
這鄰居叫布里格斯太太，她對(duì)她的高檔家具，漂亮地毯和新廚房談?wù)摵芏唷?/p>
“你知道嗎?” 有一天她對(duì)威廉姆斯太太說(shuō)道：“我有一臺(tái)新洗碗機(jī)。它洗盤子、杯子和刀叉洗得非常好。”
“哦?”威廉姆斯太太回答說(shuō)，“它能弄干盤子、杯子和刀叉嗎?還可以把它們放進(jìn)碗柜嗎?”
布里格斯太太很吃驚。“ 嗯，”她回答說(shuō)，“洗碗機(jī)里的盤子、杯子和刀叉一小時(shí)后就干了，但當(dāng)然啰，洗碗機(jī)不能把它們收起來(lái)。”
威廉姆斯太太說(shuō)：“我有一臺(tái)洗碗機(jī)已經(jīng)12年半了。”
“哦?”布里格斯太太回答說(shuō)，“你的洗碗機(jī)在洗完盤子、杯子和刀叉后能把它們放進(jìn)碗柜嗎?”她不懷好意地大笑起來(lái)。
“是的，他可以。”威廉姆斯太太回答說(shuō)，“他把碗盤刀叉弄干后就把它們收起來(lái)。”
精選英語(yǔ)幽默故事：我的上帝啊
A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, has been riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector.
Finally, the conductor manages to corner him and tells him to pay up："You've been on for five miles -- that'll be 50 pennies, please, and 10 pennies for your suitcase."
The Scotsman responds："I haven't, I want to have a penny fare, just got on this very moment." They begin to argue, and the ticket collector become more and more enraged and finally, as the bus is passing over London bridge, he grabs the Scotsman's suitcase, and hurls it out of the bus.
It lands in the river and sinks without a trace. The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, "My God!Not only are you treat to overcharge me for the ticket—but now you're gone a drowned my boy Jenny."
一個(gè)蘇格蘭人提著一只大箱子，坐上了一輛開往倫敦的汽車。上車后，在汽車行駛了5英里的這段路上，他一直在試圖躲開售票員。
售票員最終還是找到了他，并叫他補(bǔ)票:“你已經(jīng)坐了5英里了，請(qǐng)付50便士，你的箱子還要付10便士。”
蘇格蘭人答道：“我是不會(huì)付那么多錢的。我只付1便士，因?yàn)槲覄倓偵宪嚒?rdquo;最后，他們爭(zhēng)吵起來(lái)。售票員越吵越生氣，終于在車子行駛到倫敦大橋上時(shí)，抓起蘇格蘭人的箱子，用力扔出了車外。
箱子掉進(jìn)河里，沉了下去。蘇格蘭人驚呆了，怔怔地站在那里，片刻之后對(duì)售票員說(shuō)：“我的上帝啊!你不僅向我多收票錢，現(xiàn)在還淹死了我的兒子強(qiáng)尼。”
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