外國最新幽默笑話四則

　　笑話是一種增強快樂的文化，常常以篇幅短小，故事情節(jié)簡單，文筆巧妙的形式出現(xiàn)，給人以出乎意料，并且取得笑意的藝術(shù)效果的文化。在忙碌的生活，我們也需要偶爾的放松一下自己。下面學習啦小編為大家?guī)硗鈬钚掠哪υ捤膭t，希望大家喜歡!

　　外國最新幽默笑話：主席

　　A parrot fancier that happened into a London pet shop noticed a particularly colorful bird and asked its price.

　　一位鸚鵡愛好者碰巧在倫敦寵物店看到一只顏色鮮艷的鸚鵡，于是就開口問它的價錢。

　　"Five thousand pounds,” the shop owner replied.

　　“五千英鎊”，店主回答說。

　　"Five thousand pounds?" the man asked. "Why so much?"

　　“五千英鎊?”那個男人問，“為什么這么貴?”

　　"Well，this bird speaks fluent Italian，Spanish and French, is brushing up on his German and starting to study English,” came the reply. "With the European Community's unification，he' 11 be a great asset."

　　“因為這只鳥能流利的說意大利語、西班牙語和法語，德語也學得差不多了，并且馬上就開始學習英語，”店主回答說，“等到歐盟統(tǒng)一，它將是一筆不小的財富。”

　　I don’t care about the Common Market ,”the parrot fancier said. "What about that gray one in that other cage?"

　　“我可不在乎什么共同市場”，那個鸚鵡愛好者說，“那個籠子里的灰色的鸚鵡多少錢?”

　　The gray one was 15，000 pounds，he was told，because the bird spoke Arabic，Chinese, and Korean and was learning Japanese-“the languages of the 21st century.”

　　店主告訴他那個灰色的要一萬五千英鎊。因為那只鳥會說阿拉伯語、漢語和韓語，而且正在學習日語。這些都是二十一世紀的語言。

　　“I’ m too old to worry about the 21stcentuy,” the frustrated parrot lover replied.

　　“我可活不到那會兒，管不了二十一世紀的事”，那個失望的鸚鵡愛好者回答說。

　　"What about that mangy brown one up on that perch in the corner?"

　　“高處站在角落里的那只棕色的鸚鵡多少錢?”

　　"The brown one，”said the shopkeeper, "was 25 , 000 pounds.”

　　“棕色的?”店主說，“兩萬五千英鎊。”

　　"Twenty-five thousand pounds!” ex-claimed the customer. "What does he do to worth that?"

　　“兩萬五千英鎊?”他高呼道，“它怎么值那么多錢?”

　　"We’re not sure,”the pet-shop owner replied. "But the other two call him chairman.

　　“我們也不知道，”寵物店老板回答，“只是因為剛才的那兩只都管它叫主席。”

　　外國最新幽默笑話：人就是這樣

　　A Jew opens a kosher restaurant in London and puts a notice in the window:"ARABS NOT WELCOME"; a couple of days later, a person of obviously Arab origin walks in and requests a sandwich-so the cashier quickly runs into the office asking what to do. The owner decides that he really doesn’t want a scandal，so he orders，"OK，give him the sandwich, but charge him double--that should teach him."

　　一個猶太人在倫敦開了一家猶太教餐館，在餐館的窗戶上寫著:“阿拉伯人不許入內(nèi)”的字樣。過了幾天，一個特征鮮明的阿拉伯人走進餐館想要一個三明治。收銀員馬上跑到辦公室問該怎么辦。餐館老板不想惹事生非，于是就說，“好吧，賣他一個三明治，但是要收他兩倍錢，這樣就能給他一個教訓了。”

　　But the next day the same Arab is back again一this time for a full lunch; the owner decides" Charge him triple，he’11 get the lesson this time!” The Arab eats his lunch, pays without a quibble, praises the food and even asks for a reservation for 10 of his friends for the same evening. The owner decides`OK,1et him have the reservation, but if his friends do come，charge them tenfold!” The Arabs appear in the evening, have a large dinner, pay without complaining and even tip generously. So the next day the owner puts a new sign in the window: "JEWS NOT WELCOME."

　　但是第二天，那個阿拉伯人又來了，這回他要了一整套午餐。老板決定收他三倍的錢，這樣他就知道厲害了!那個阿拉伯人吃過午餐后通通快快的付了錢，還稱贊食物非常好吃，甚至預定了當天晚上十個人的晚餐。老板想了想說:“沒問題，就讓他預定，但是等他的朋友來了就收他們十倍的錢!”等到晚上，那些阿拉伯人真的來了，點了好多菜，毫無怨言地付了十倍的錢，而且還大方地給了不少小費。于是第三天，老板在窗戶上寫了一行新字:“猶太人不許人內(nèi)”。

　　外國最新幽默笑話：陪審團主席

　　A judge in a small city was hearing a drunk--driving case and the defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence，demanded a jury trial. It was nearly 4 p. m. and getting a jury would take time，so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty. He found a dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury.

　　一位小城市的法官正在處理一個酒后駕車的案件。被告曾經(jīng)有過酒后駕車的記錄，現(xiàn)在需要一個陪審團做出裁決。那時已經(jīng)是下午四點，找個陪審團來會浪費很多時間。所以，法官就宣布休庭，然后就去隨便找些人來充當陪審團。他正好發(fā)現(xiàn)在大廳里有十二個律師，就把他們叫來組成了陪審團。

　　The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed the judge back to the courtroom. The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the defendant was guilty. The jury went into the jury--room, the judge started getting ready to go home , and everyone waited.

　　這些律師們認為能做陪審團將會是個新奇的經(jīng)歷，所以就同意和那個法官回到了法庭。審訊十分鐘就結(jié)束了，因為很明顯被告是有罪的。接著，陪審團進行商議，法官做好了回家的準備，每個人都在等待著最后的結(jié)果。

　　After nearly three hours, the judge was totally out of patience and sent the bailiff in to the jury--room to see what was holding up the verdict. When the bailiff returned, the judge said，"Well have they got a verdict yet?

　　差不多三個小時以后，法官已經(jīng)等不及了，他派法警去看看陪審團是否做出了最后的判決。當法警回來的時候，法官問他:“怎么樣?他們做出了最后的判決沒有?”

　　The bailiff shook his head and said，"Verdict? Hell，they' re still doing nominating speeches for the foreman’s position!”

　　法警搖搖頭說:“判決?天哪，他們還在進行推選陪審團主席的演講呢!”

　　外國最新幽默笑話：兩個獵人

　　Two hunters hire a small plane to take them to a remote area of Canada. Upon dropping off the hunters，the pilot tells them, "Remember only one moose, because the plane wouldn' t be able to take off with more weight than that.” The hunters go off. A week later when the plane returns to pick them up the two hunters are standing by the lake with two moose.

　　兩個獵人租了一架小型飛機帶他們?nèi)ゼ幽么蟮囊粋€偏僻地區(qū)。當兩個獵人到達目的地下飛機時，飛行員告訴他們說:“記住，飛機只能帶一只駝鹿，否則飛機會因為過重而無法起飛。”兩個獵

　　人就這樣打獵去了。

　　The pilot fumes, "I told you guys only one moose, and you' 11 have to leave one because we won’t be able to take off with that much weight.” "Oh, come on,” beg the two hunters, "Last year the pilot let us take two moose on, you’re just a chicken.”

　　過了一個星期，當飛機返回原地接他們的時候看到他們身邊有兩只駝鹿。飛行員憤怒地說:“我告訴過你們，只能帶一只駝鹿。你們必須丟下一只否則飛機過重無法起飛。”“哦，別這樣”，兩個獵人哀求道，“去年那個飛行員讓我們帶了兩只駝鹿呢，你膽子也太小了。”

　　Not wanting to be accused of being a coward，the pilot allows the two to bring both moose on the craft. The plane starts across the lake, straining to take off. The pilot tries and tries to no avail and the plane crashes into the trees at the end of the lake. A while later after coming to one of the hunters gets up and looks at all the scattered debris of the wreck and says, "Where are we?" To which the other hunter replies, "Oh，I’d say about a hundred yards farther than last year.

　　飛行員怕別人說他是膽小鬼，于是就同意帶上兩只駝鹿一起走。當飛機穿過一個湖后開始迫降。飛行員用盡辦法也無濟于事，飛機墜落在湖邊的一片樹林里。過了不久，一個獵人起身看著

　　飛機的殘骸說:“我們這是在哪?’’另一個獵人回答:“哦，我覺得比去年還遠了一百碼呢。”