下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話：The Same Duties

　　A retired four-star general ran into his former orderly, also retired, in a Manhattan bar and spent the rest of the evening persuading him to come work for him as his valet. Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in the army, the general said. Nothing to it-you'll catch on again fast.

　　Next morning promptly at eight o'clock, the ex-orderly entered the ex-general's bedroom, pulled open the drapes, gave the general a gentle shake, strode around the other side of the bed, spanked his employer's wife on her bottom and said, OK, sweetheart, it's back to the village for you.

　　相同的職責(zé)

　　一個(gè)退休的四星級(jí)將軍在曼哈頓的一個(gè)酒吧偶然地遇到了他以前的勤務(wù)兵，勤務(wù)兵也退休在家。這位將軍花了一整個(gè)晚上的時(shí)間來(lái)說(shuō)服他回來(lái)做他的貼身隨從。你的職責(zé)與在軍隊(duì)時(shí)完全一樣，將軍說(shuō)，這沒(méi)什么，你很快就會(huì)再次理解它的。

　　第二天早晨八點(diǎn)鐘時(shí)，前勤務(wù)兵迅速地進(jìn)到前將軍的臥室，拉開(kāi)窗簾，輕輕地?fù)u了搖將軍，然后大步走到床的另一側(cè)，在他雇主的妻子屁股上拍了一下，說(shuō)道：好了，甜心，你該回到村莊去了。

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話：Five Months Older

　　The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.

　　But John's brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy's family name, so when he saw John's papers, he was surprised.

　　How old are you? he said.

　　Eighteen, sir, said John.

　　But your brother was eighteen, too, said the doctor. Are you twins?

　　Oh, no, sir, said John, and his face went red. My brother is five months older than I am.

　　大五個(gè)月

　　第二次世界大戰(zhàn)開(kāi)始了，約翰想?yún)④?，可他只有十六歲，當(dāng)時(shí)規(guī)定男孩到十八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫(yī)給他進(jìn)行體檢時(shí)，他說(shuō)他已經(jīng)十八歲了。

　　可約翰的哥哥剛?cè)胛闆](méi)幾天，而且也是這個(gè)軍醫(yī)給他做的檢查。這位醫(yī)生還記得他哥哥的姓。所以當(dāng)他看到約翰的表格時(shí)，感到非常驚奇。

　　你多大了?軍醫(yī)問(wèn)。

　　十八，長(zhǎng)官。約翰說(shuō)。

　　可你的哥哥也是十八歲，你們是雙胞胎嗎?

　　約翰臉紅了，說(shuō)：哦，不是，長(zhǎng)官，我哥哥比我大五個(gè)月。

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話：The Name of a Poet

　　Our teacher was telling us about a new system of memory training being used in some schools today.

　　It works like this， she said.Suppose you wanted tore member the name of a poetRobert Burns，for instance.She told us to think of him as Bobby Burns.Now get in your head a picture of a London policeman，a bobby in flames.See?Bobby Burns!

　　I see what you mean， said the class know it all.But how can you tell that it's Not Robert Browning?

　　詩(shī)人的名字

　　我們的老師正在給我們介紹現(xiàn)在某些學(xué)校使用的一種新的記憶訓(xùn)練系統(tǒng)。

　　這個(gè)系統(tǒng)是這樣的，她說(shuō)。假定你要記住一個(gè)詩(shī)人的名字例如，要記住羅伯特·彭斯的名字。她告訴我們把他當(dāng)作博比·彭斯。讓你的腦海里閃現(xiàn)出一個(gè)倫敦警察的形象，燃燒著的警察。明白嗎?警察燃燒!

　　我明白你的意思，班上的萬(wàn)事通說(shuō)。但是你怎么能說(shuō)那就不是羅伯特·布朗寧呢?

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話：

　　At the mall, my wife and I picked up some hardware items, including a handsaw. We were heading back to the car when we passed a steakhouse.

　　Let's try it. my wife suggested. Although I felt a little foolish carrying the saw, I followed her inside.

　　Scanning the menu, my wife told the waitress, I' 11 have chopped sirloin, please.

　　The waitress turned to me, eyed my saw and commented, And I see that. you, sir, have come for our T-bone special.

　　在集市上，我和妻子買了一些五金用品，包括一個(gè)手鋸。我們返回汽車時(shí)剛好路過(guò)一家牛排店。

　　我們嘗嘗吧，我妻子建議說(shuō)。盡管我覺(jué)得拿著鋸有點(diǎn)傻乎乎的，但還是隨她走了進(jìn)去。

　　我妻子掃視了一下菜單對(duì)女招待說(shuō)：請(qǐng)給我來(lái)一份炒牛腰片。

　　女招待轉(zhuǎn)向我，看了看我的鋸，說(shuō)道：我能看出，先生，你是來(lái)吃我們的T形骨特色菜的。

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話：狗也知道這個(gè)諺語(yǔ)嗎?

　　The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.

　　"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"

　　"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

　　一個(gè)小男孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。

　　“沒(méi)有關(guān)系，”一位先生“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎?”

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話：不是我的錯(cuò)

　　It's not my fault

　　Mother (reprimanding訓(xùn)斥，譴責(zé) her small daughter): You mustn't pull the cat's tail.

　　Daughter: I'm only holding it, Mom. The cat's doing the pulling.

　　不是我的錯(cuò)

　　媽媽(正教訓(xùn)她的女兒)：你不該拽貓的尾巴。

　　女兒：媽，我只是握著貓尾巴，它自己在拽。

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話：父親在哪?

　　Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

　　"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

　　"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

　　The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

　　兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。

　　“看，”哥哥說(shuō)，“這些畫多漂亮呀!”

　　“是啊，”弟弟說(shuō)道，“可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢?”

　　哥哥想了一會(huì)兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當(dāng)時(shí)正在畫這些畫唄。”