英語爆笑冷笑話8則

　　下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的英語爆笑冷笑話，希望對(duì)大家有幫助。

　　英語爆笑冷笑話：

　　Ask Your OwnIt was a cold，raw day at Washington.Champ Clark was discussing the gamins of the cities with an English visitor.The latter expatiated on the wit of the London type of the genius.Clark declared that if the Englishman were to ask any Washington street urchin any question，the urchin would make anaptreply.They sallied forth. “What time is it，Bub?They tell me you can tell time by your nose，”said the visitor to the first newsboy they met. “Ask your own，mister，mine ain't run nin’，”was the reply.

　　這是華盛頓的一個(gè)陰冷天。錢普·克拉克正和一個(gè)來訪的英國人討論城市的流浪兒，英國人詳細(xì)地?cái)⑹鲋鴤惗厥教觳诺臋C(jī)智?？死诵Q，要是對(duì)方向華盛頓街上任何一個(gè)兒童提任何問題，那孩子都會(huì)對(duì)答如流。他們便出發(fā)了。 “什么時(shí)候了，小兄弟?人們說你能用鼻子報(bào)時(shí)。” 回答是：“先生，問問你自己的吧，的不在走呢。”

　　英語爆笑冷笑話：

　　A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goats' milk was used.

　　She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. These, she explained, were the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produced. She then asked, "What do you do with your older goats in America?"

　　A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!"

　　一群美國人乘長途汽車在荷蘭旅游。他們?cè)谝粋€(gè)奶酪場停下來。一位年輕的導(dǎo)游帶他們參觀了奶酪制作的全過程，解釋說用的是羊奶。 她指給這群人一個(gè)美麗的山坡，山坡上許多羊在吃草。對(duì)這些，她解釋說，是放逐草地的老羊，它們已不能再產(chǎn)奶。她然后問道：“在美國你們?cè)鯓犹幚砝涎蚰?”

　　一位活潑的老紳士回答說：“他們讓我們乘車旅行!”

　　英語爆笑冷笑話：

　　The Mean Mans Party

　　The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

　　"Why use my elbow and foot?"

　　"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"

　　吝嗇鬼的聚會(huì)

　　一個(gè)聲名狼藉的小氣鬼終于決定要請(qǐng)一次客了。他在向一個(gè)朋友解釋怎么找到他家時(shí)說：“你上到五樓，用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了后，再用你的腳把門推開。”

　　“為什么我要用我的肘和腳呢?”

　　“天哪!” 吝嗇鬼回答，“你總不會(huì)空著手來吧?”

　　英語爆笑冷笑話：

　　A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?""No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a ,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smartass when he's drunk and stoned(醉酒的) ."The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk(行李箱) and a muffled(聽不清的) voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"

　　一個(gè)家伙開車的時(shí)候警察追了上來。這個(gè)家伙要開窗戶問警察：“怎么了，警官?”

　　“沒事，我觀察到了你的安全駕駛技術(shù)，很高興你獲得了價(jià)值5000美元的安全駕駛獎(jiǎng)。祝賀你!你認(rèn)為你要拿這筆錢去做什么?”

　　他想了一會(huì)說“哦，我覺得，我應(yīng)該去考駕照”。

　　坐在副駕駛位的女士說"別在意他說的，他喝醉了酒說胡話呢.“

　　后面座位的家伙說”我告訴你，偷來的車我們走不遠(yuǎn)的。“

　　此時(shí)，行李箱出現(xiàn)了敲擊聲并傳出一個(gè)模糊不清的聲音：“我們穿過了邊境了嗎?”

　　英語爆笑冷笑話：

　　A big battle was going on during the First World War.Guns were firing， and shells and bullets were flying about everywhere.After an hour of this， one of the soldiers decidedthat the fighting was getting too dangerous for him， so he leftthe front line and began to go away from the battle. After hehad walked for an hour，he saw an officer coming towardshim. The officer stopped him and said，“ where are you going?” “I'm trying to get as far away as possible from the battlethat's going on behind us， sir，” the soldier answered. “Do you know who I am?” the officer said to him angrily.“I'm your commanding officer.” The soldier was very surprised when he heard this and said，“My God，I didn't know that I was so far back already!”

　　第一次世界大戰(zhàn)期間，一場大戰(zhàn)役正在進(jìn)行。槍炮轟鳴，炮彈和子彈到處亂飛。這樣過了一個(gè)小時(shí)后，一個(gè)士兵認(rèn)定戰(zhàn)斗對(duì)他來說變得太危險(xiǎn)了，所以他離開前線開始逃離戰(zhàn)場。步行了一個(gè)小時(shí)之后，他看見一個(gè)軍官向他走過來。那軍官叫住他說：“你要到哪兒去?” “長官，我正盡可能遠(yuǎn)地躲開我們身后正在進(jìn)行的戰(zhàn)役，”士兵回答說。 “你知道我是誰嗎?”軍官生氣地對(duì)他說：“我是你的指揮官。” 那士兵聽到此話感到非常驚訝，說：“天哪，我想不到我已經(jīng)往回跑了這么遠(yuǎn)了!”

　　英語爆笑冷笑話：腦移植 A Brain Transplant

　　The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.

　　"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For 00 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for ,000 you can have the brain of a politician."

　　The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.

　　The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it’s not better, just unused."

　　一個(gè)外科醫(yī)生正要作一個(gè)腦移植手術(shù)。

　　“你可以從兩個(gè)腦子中選一個(gè)給你。”醫(yī)生告訴病人，“一個(gè)心理學(xué)家的大腦1000美元，一個(gè)政治家的大腦10000美元。

　　病人很驚訝二者之間這樣大的差別，“政治家的大腦好一些嗎?”他問。

　　醫(yī)生說：“不是好一些，只是沒有用過。”

　　英語爆笑冷笑話：最丑的孩子

　　A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

　　一位女士抱著她的寶寶上公交車，司機(jī)看到后說：“額，那是我這輩子見過的最丑的小孩。”

　　The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

　　女士走到車廂后面坐下，感到很憤怒。她對(duì)旁邊的男士說：“司機(jī)剛剛羞辱了我。”男士回應(yīng)說：“你快上去斥責(zé)他。去吧，我替你抱著你的猴子。”

　　英語爆笑冷笑話：我娶了你的姐妹

　　A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.

　　一位婦人發(fā)現(xiàn)丈夫回家的時(shí)候總是爛醉如泥，她決定為丈夫治好這個(gè)毛病。一個(gè)萬圣節(jié)夜里，她穿上一套魔鬼戲服，躲在樹后，準(zhǔn)備在丈夫返家時(shí)攔截他的去路。

　　When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.

　　當(dāng)丈夫走近時(shí)，她從樹后跳出來，站到他面前，頭上帶著紅色的羊角、身后有長長的尾巴，手中握著鋼叉。

　　"Who are you?" he asked.

　　“你是誰?”丈夫問到。

　　"I'm the Devil!" she responded.

　　“我是魔鬼!”她回答到。

　　"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"

　　“噢，那你跟我一起回家吧，”丈夫說，“我娶了你的姐妹!”