下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話，希望對(duì)大家有幫助。

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話：

　　Do You Know Santa's True Profession?

　　Consider the following:

　　1. You never actually see Santa, only his "assistants."

　　2. Santa keeps his job until he decides to retire.

　　3. Santa doesn't really do the work; he directs a bunch of helpers to do all his work for him, but he's the one who everybody credits with the work.

　　4. Santa doesn't work a 40-hour week.

　　5. Santa travels a lot.

　　Santa is obviously a senior faculty member with tenure!

　　圣誕老人的真實(shí)職業(yè)是什么?

　　考慮以下幾點(diǎn)

　　1. 你其實(shí)從來(lái)沒(méi)見(jiàn)過(guò)圣誕老人，你看見(jiàn)的都是他得助手(他得助手真的好多，除了過(guò)圣誕節(jié)的所有父母外，還有職業(yè)“圣誕老人”)

　　2. 圣誕老人不想退休，就可以一直當(dāng)他的圣誕老人。

　　3. 圣誕老人不會(huì)做實(shí)事，他都是指揮一堆幫手幫他做完所有的事情，但是事情做得好還是不好，功績(jī)和責(zé)任都算圣誕老人的。

　　4. 圣誕老人實(shí)行的可不是朝九晚五雙休制。

　　5. 圣誕老人經(jīng)常旅行

　　圣誕老人顯然是一個(gè)高級(jí)職員(please, 這世界上還有比他的工作更好的工作嗎?)

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話：

　　Son: "Dad, you are available to you on Friday afternoon?"

　　Dad: "What ah?"

　　Son: "mini-school parents have to open the forum!"

　　Dad: "What is micro-parents forum?"

　　Son: "It's only a class, you and I participate in!"

　　兒子：“爸爸，星期五下午您有空嗎?”

　　爸爸：“什么事啊?”

　　兒子：“學(xué)校要開(kāi)微型家長(zhǎng)座談會(huì)!”

　　爸爸：“什么叫微型家長(zhǎng)座談會(huì)?”

　　兒子：“就是只有班主任，你和我參加!”

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話：

　　Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

　　"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

　　"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

　　The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

　　兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫(huà)。

　　“看，”哥哥說(shuō)，“這些畫(huà)多漂亮呀!”

　　“是啊，”弟弟說(shuō)道，“可是在所有這些畫(huà)中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢?”

　　哥哥想了會(huì)兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當(dāng)時(shí)正在畫(huà)這些畫(huà)唄。”

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話：

　　A Good Boy

　　Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

　　"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

　　"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

　　"She is the one who sells the candy."

　　好孩子

　　小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢(qián)。

　　“昨天給你的錢(qián)干什么了?”

　　“我給了一個(gè)可憐的老太婆，”他回答說(shuō)。 “你真是個(gè)好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說(shuō)。“再給你兩分錢(qián)。可你為什么對(duì)那位老太太那么感興趣呢?”

　　“她是個(gè)賣(mài)糖果的。”

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話：

　　Give up your seat to a lady

　　Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."

　　"You've done the right thing," says Mommy.

　　"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

　　給女士讓座

　　小強(qiáng)尼說(shuō)：“媽媽?zhuān)裉煸缟虾桶职衷诠?chē)上時(shí)，他叫我讓座給一位女士。”

　　媽媽說(shuō)：“你做得很對(duì)呀。”

　　“但是，媽媽?zhuān)沂亲诎职窒ドw上的。”

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話：

　　A tourist was visiting New Mexico and was amazed at the dinosaur bones lying about.

　　"How old are these bones?" the tourist asked an elderly Native American, who served as a guide.

　　"Exactly one hundred million and three years old.

　　"How can you be so sure?" inquired the tourist.

　　"Well," replied the guide, " a geologist came by here and told me these bones were one hundred million years old, and that was exactly three years ago.

　　一位游客在新墨西哥游覽。他對(duì)隨處可見(jiàn)的恐龍化石甚感驚奇。

　　“這些化石有多長(zhǎng)的歷史?”游客問(wèn)一個(gè)上了年紀(jì)的當(dāng)?shù)孛绹?guó)人。他是作向?qū)У摹?/p>

　　“整整十億零三年了。” “你怎么這么肯定?”游客問(wèn)道。 “哦，”向?qū)Щ卮鸬溃?ldquo;一個(gè)地質(zhì)學(xué)家來(lái)過(guò)這兒，他告訴我說(shuō)這些化石有十億年了，再加上那是整整三年前的事了。”

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話：Part-time Job業(yè)余工作

　　When my son was a hign-school sophomore, he got a part-time job sacking groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles.

　　"How was your first day?" I asked.

　　"It was great, Dad," he replied. "I got to talk to some good-looking girls."

　　Since Stephen is not very talkative, I asked, "What did you say to them?"

　　"Do you prefer paper or plastic?"

　　我兒子在一所中學(xué)讀二年級(jí)時(shí)，在一家超級(jí)市場(chǎng)找到了一份包裝商品的業(yè)余工作。他滿面笑容地回到了家。

　　“第一天感覺(jué)如何?”我問(wèn)。

　　“好極了，爸爸。”他答道，“我跟許多漂亮的女孩子講了話。”

　　由于斯蒂芬不善言談，我問(wèn)道：“你跟他們說(shuō)了些什么?”

　　“你是喜歡紙包裝還是塑料包裝?”

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話：Who Discovered Australia?誰(shuí)發(fā)現(xiàn)了澳大利亞?

　　Teacher: Find Australia on the map for me, Johnny.

　　Johnny: It's there, sir.

　　Teacher: That's right. Now Sammy, who discovered Australia?

　　Sammy: Johnny, sir.

　　老師：約翰尼，在地圖上給我找出澳大利亞在什么地方。

　　約翰尼：先生，在這兒。

　　老師：對(duì)了。薩默，你來(lái)回答我是誰(shuí)發(fā)現(xiàn)了澳大利亞?

　　薩默：先生，是約翰尼。