英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話9篇

　　下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話，希望對(duì)大家有幫助。

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話：

　　Have a neuropathy, I do not know where to get a handful of pistols, he is gone in a little black alley. When suddenly a young man, neuropathy apart from anything else its guns on the ground by pointing to his head. Asked one plus a few zero. Terrified young people, thought for a long time. Answer, equals two. Neuropathy of the killing he did not hesitate. And then get pulled in his arms, said a cold, you know too much ...

　　有一個(gè)神經(jīng)病，不知道從哪里弄來(lái)了一把手槍，他走在一條小黑胡同里。突然遇上一個(gè)年輕人，神經(jīng)病二話不說(shuō)將其按在地上用槍指著他的頭。問(wèn)道，一加一得幾。年輕人嚇壞了，沉思了很久。回答，等于二。神經(jīng)病毫不猶豫的打死了他。然后把搶拽在懷里，冰冷的說(shuō)了一句，你知道的太多了…

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話：

　　Boy: Hi, didn't we go on dates before? Onec or twice?

　　Girl: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

　　男孩：嗨，我們之前是不是約會(huì)過(guò)，是一次還是兩次，我忘記了。

　　女孩：應(yīng)該只有一次吧，我從不犯兩次同樣的錯(cuò)誤。

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話：

　　Hospitality

　　The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

　　好客

　　由于客人在吃蘋(píng)果餡餅時(shí)，家里沒(méi)有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開(kāi)了屋子。過(guò)了一會(huì)兒，他拿著一片奶酪回到房間，把奶酪放在客人的盤子里。 客人微笑著把奶酪放進(jìn)嘴里說(shuō)：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夾上，先生。”那小男孩說(shuō)。

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話：

　　Things Have Been Okay

　　A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, Mom, the toast is burned.

　　You talked! You talked! Shouted his mother. I'm so happy! But why has it taked this long?

　　Well, up till now, Said the boy, things have been okay.

　　一切都正常

　　一對(duì)年輕夫婦有個(gè)兒子，已經(jīng)四歲了，還沒(méi)有開(kāi)口說(shuō)話，他們對(duì)此深感焦慮。他們帶他去找專家診治，但醫(yī)生們總覺(jué)得他沒(méi)有毛病。后來(lái)有一天早上吃早餐時(shí)，那孩子突然開(kāi)口了：媽媽，面包烤焦了。

　　你說(shuō)話了!你說(shuō)話了!他母親叫了起來(lái)。我太高興了!但為什么花了這么長(zhǎng)的時(shí)間呢?

　　哦，在這之前，那男孩說(shuō)，一切都很正常。

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話：

　　Once upon a time, there lived a rich man, but he didn't know any words.

　　One day, one of his friends wanted to borrow an ox from him, so he wrote a note and asked his servant to take it to this rich man.

　　After the servant gave the note to the rich man, he pretended to be reading it and after a while, he said, "OK, I know. Go and tell your master, I'll go myself shortly.

　　從前，有個(gè)人很富有，但他不識(shí)字。

　　一天，他的一位朋友想向他借一頭公牛，便寫(xiě)了個(gè)條，讓仆人送到富人那里。 仆人把條子給了富人。富人便假裝看了一會(huì)兒，然后說(shuō)道：“好啦，我知道了?；厝ジ嬖V你的主人，我馬上自己過(guò)去。”

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話：

　　Just like most of other kids, aged two Emilia didn' t like washing hands──she' s always wiping the dirt off hands on her clothes. One day I accompanied her to have fried cicadae(蟬). Habitually she rubbed her grease fingers on her real silk short gown. I held back (阻擋) her from doing it: " What do you want to do?" She was immediately on to (意識(shí))her blame, replied at ease(從容): " I' m akimbo."

　　像大多數(shù)別的小孩一樣，兩歲艾咪麗雅不愛(ài)洗手，吃東西弄臟手，隨便在身上一抹就得了。一天我正陪她吃炸知了，她手上的油多了，便習(xí)慣地往真絲小褂子上蹭，我阻止道：“你想干什么?”她馬上意識(shí)到問(wèn)題所在，從容答道：“我叉腰。”

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話：

　　A short young man was running behind a bus which was full of passengers. But the bus still ran at a great speed.

　　"Stop, stop, " a passenger looked out of the window, and shouted at the young man, "you can't catch it ! "

　　"I must," the young fellow said, out of breath, "because I'm only driver of the bus.

　　在一輛滿載乘客的公共汽車后面，一位小個(gè)子青年在奔跑著。氣車仍在高速前進(jìn)。 “停下吧，”一位乘客把頭伸出窗子，對(duì)小個(gè)子喊道，“你追不上的!”

　　“我必須追上，”小個(gè)子氣喘吁吁地說(shuō)，“我是司機(jī)!”

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話：他們都在這里

　　The warden of the prison felt sorry for one of his inmates because every weekend on Visitor’s Day, most of the prisoners had family members and friends coming, but poor George always sat alone in his cell. So one Visitor’s Day, the warden called George to his office and said, "I notice you’ve never had any visitors, George." Sympathetic, he put his hand on George’s shoulder. "Tell me, don’t you have any friends or family?" George replied, "Oh, sure I do, Warden. It’s just that they’re all in here!"

　　典獄長(zhǎng)對(duì)獄中一位囚犯深感同情，因?yàn)槊糠曛苣┑奶皆L日，大多數(shù)囚犯都有家人或朋友來(lái)訪，但是可憐的喬治總是孤伶伶地坐在自己的囚室中。因此在一個(gè)探訪日，典獄長(zhǎng)把喬治叫到辦公室說(shuō)：“喬治，我注意到從來(lái)沒(méi)有人來(lái)探望過(guò)你。”他滿懷同情地把手放在喬治的肩膀上：“告訴我，你沒(méi)有任何朋友或家人嗎?”喬治回答：“喔!當(dāng)然有，典獄長(zhǎng)，只不過(guò)他們?nèi)荚谶@里面!”

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話：狗娘養(yǎng)的

　　my father, who was 14 years old than my mother, had been working on his will. at a family dinner he told us that he had provided well for mother, but the family home would go to us five children if she remarried.我爸比我媽大14歲，最近一直在寫(xiě)遺囑。一次家宴上，他告訴我們說(shuō)他為母親以后的生活作好了安排，但如果她改嫁的話，家里的房子將歸我們五個(gè)孩子所有。"i don't want another s.o.b. toasting his shins around my fireplace," he explained.“我可不愿意另外哪個(gè)狗娘養(yǎng)的在我的火爐旁烤他的狗腿，”他解釋道。with a sly grin, mother

　　cracked, "what makes you think i'd marry another s.o.b?"媽媽狡猾地咧了咧嘴，譏誚道：“你怎么認(rèn)為我會(huì)再嫁給一個(gè)狗娘養(yǎng)的?”