下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典搞笑笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典搞笑笑話：傳教士買(mǎi)鸚鵡A preacher is buying a parrot

　　A preacher is buying a parrot.

　　一個(gè)傳教士在買(mǎi)鸚鵡。

　　"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.

　　“你確信它不會(huì)尖叫，大叫或詛咒別人嗎?”傳教士問(wèn)。

　　"Oh absolutely. He's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.

　　“噢，絕對(duì)不會(huì)。它是一只虔誠(chéng)的鸚鵡。”店主向他保證。

　　"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."

　　“你看見(jiàn)它腿上的那些細(xì)繩了嗎?當(dāng)你拉動(dòng)右邊這根，它會(huì)背誦天主經(jīng);當(dāng)你拉動(dòng)左邊那根，它會(huì)背誦贊美詩(shī)。”

　　"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"

　　“太棒了!”傳教士說(shuō)，“但是如果我同時(shí)拉動(dòng)兩根繩子，會(huì)發(fā)生什么呢?”

　　"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.

　　“我會(huì)從樹(shù)干上掉下去，你這個(gè)笨蛋!”鸚鵡尖聲說(shuō)道。

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典搞笑笑話：誰(shuí)才是有色人種

　　Dear white, something you got to know

　　親愛(ài)的白種人，有幾件事你必須知道。

　　When I was born, I was black.

　　當(dāng)我出生時(shí)，我是黑色的

　　When I grow up, I am black.

　　我長(zhǎng)大了，我是黑色的

　　When I’m under the sun, I’m black.

　　我在陽(yáng)光下，我是黑色的

　　When I’m cold, I’m black.

　　我寒冷時(shí)，我是黑色的

　　When I’m afraid, I’m black.

　　我害怕時(shí)，我是黑色的

　　When I’m sick, I’m black.

　　我生病了，我是黑色的

　　When I die, I’m still black.

　　當(dāng)我死了，我仍是黑色的。

　　you—white people,

　　你——白種人

　　When you were born, you were pink.

　　當(dāng)你出生時(shí)，你是粉紅色的

　　When you grow up, you become white.

　　你長(zhǎng)大了，變成白色的

　　You’re red under the sun.

　　你在陽(yáng)光下，你是紅色的

　　You’re blue when you’re cold.

　　你寒冷時(shí)，你是青色的

　　You are yellow when you’re afraid.

　　你害怕時(shí)，你是黃色的

　　You’re green when you’re sick.

　　你生病時(shí)，你是綠色的

　　You’re gray when you die.

　　當(dāng)你死時(shí)，你是灰色的

　　And you, call me color?

　　然后，你叫我“有色種人”?

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典搞笑笑話：錢(qián)不用找了

　　Selling secondhand books at our church bazaar, I got into an argument with a prospective customer. He was interested in buying The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash but claimed it was overpriced at 35 cents. Other paperbacks were selling for ten or 15 cents each.

　　在教堂的義賣市上賣舊書(shū)時(shí)，我與一名準(zhǔn)備買(mǎi)東西的顧客發(fā)生了一場(chǎng)爭(zhēng)論。他對(duì)購(gòu)買(mǎi)袖珍奧金.納什集頗感興趣，但是說(shuō)它要三十五美分開(kāi)價(jià)過(guò)高。其它的平裝書(shū)每本才賣十或十五美分。

　　I pointed out that the book was in good condition. Nash was a fun poet, and it was for a good cause. He said it was a matter of principle. Ultimately, I agreed to sell him the book for 15 cents. Triumphant, he paid with a bill. "Keep the change," he said.

　　我指出這本書(shū)保存狀況頗好，納什是個(gè)有趣的詩(shī)人，這個(gè)要價(jià)是合理的。他說(shuō)這是個(gè)原則問(wèn)題。最終，我同意以十五美分的價(jià)格將這本書(shū)賣給他。他得意洋洋，拿出一張十美元的票子付帳。“零錢(qián)不用找了。”他說(shuō)。

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典搞笑笑話：咒語(yǔ)

　　An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

　　一個(gè)男人找到一個(gè)巫婆，要求她解開(kāi)一條困擾了自己40年的咒語(yǔ)。

　　The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

　　巫婆說(shuō)："或許我可以做的到，但你必須一字不落地告訴我下咒的時(shí)候說(shuō)的那句咒語(yǔ)。"

　　The old man says without hesitation - "I now pronounce you man and wife."

　　男人毫不猶豫的答道：“‘我現(xiàn)在宣布你們成為夫婦。’”

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典搞笑笑話：世界各地的蹩腳英語(yǔ)

　?、買(mǎi)f you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself。

　　日本旅館：如果您想調(diào)節(jié)您房間的溫度，請(qǐng)控制您自己。

　?、赑lease don't feed the animals. If you have any food, please give it to the guard on duty。

　　匈牙利動(dòng)物園：請(qǐng)不要給動(dòng)物喂食。如果您有食品，請(qǐng)喂給值班警衛(wèi)。

　?、跮adies are requested not to have children in the bar。

　　挪威酒吧：女士們不要在酒吧里生孩子。

　?、蹻ur coats made for ladies from their skins。

　　瑞典皮貨商店：為女士們制作的皮大衣，是用她們的皮制成的。

　?、軹eeth extracted by the latest Methodists 。

　　香港牙科診所：由最新的衛(wèi)理公會(huì)教徒給您拔牙。

　?、轉(zhuǎn)rop your trousers here for best results。

　　泰國(guó)的干洗店：在這里脫掉您的褲子，等待最好的結(jié)果。

　　⑦Specialist in women and other diseases。

　　意大利婦科診所：我們是women和其他疾病的專家。

　?、郬elcome to the cemetery where famous Russian artists are buried daily except Thursday。

　　俄國(guó)公墓：歡迎訪問(wèn)這個(gè)公墓，許多著名的俄國(guó)藝術(shù)家每天埋在這里，但星期四不埋。

　　⑨We take your bags and send them in all directions。

　　丹麥機(jī)場(chǎng)：我們將拿走您的行李，送往四面八方。

　?、釺he manager has personally passed all water served here。

　　墨西哥旅館：旅館經(jīng)理將親自為您撒尿。

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典搞笑笑話：送出去還有的東西

　　What can Santa give away and still keep?

　　Answer: a cold.

　　什么東西圣誕老人可以分送出去，自己卻也還留著?

　　答案：感冒。

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典搞笑笑話：圣誕老人的愛(ài)好

　　What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden?

　　Answer: he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe.

　　圣誕老人喜歡在花園里做什么?

　　答案：鋤地。(英文里Hoe 和ho同音。hoe是鋤草之意，ho則是圣誕老人的笑聲。)

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典搞笑笑話：鉛筆

　　What do you do if one of Santa’s reindeer swallows your pencil?

　　Answer: use a pen.

　　若圣誕老人的馴鹿吃掉你的鉛筆該怎么辦?

　　答案：用原子筆

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典搞笑笑話：1000元的腦筋急轉(zhuǎn)彎

　　On Christmas Eve Santa Claus met an honest politician and a kind lawyer while riding up in an elevator of a very exclusive hotel.

　　Just before the doors opened the three of them noticed a 1000NT bill lying on the floor. Which one of them do you think picked it up?

　　圣誕節(jié)前夕，圣誕老人和一清廉的政治人物，以及一心地善良的律師在一家高級(jí)飯店一同等電梯，門(mén)還未開(kāi)前，三人同時(shí)看到地上有一張新臺(tái)幣1000元的鈔票，猜猜誰(shuí)會(huì)將它撿起?

　　Answer: Santa of course! Why? Because everybody knows that the other two don’t exist!

　　答案：當(dāng)然是圣誕老人啦!為什么?因?yàn)榇蠹叶贾懒硗鈨烧卟⒉淮嬖凇?/p>

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典搞笑笑話：法官與小偷

　　It was the Christmas season and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,

　　“What is your offense?”

　　“I did my Christmas shopping early this year,” cried the prisoner.

　　“There’s nothing wrong with that,” said the Judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”

　　“Before the store opened,” answered the prisoner

　　圣誕佳節(jié)到來(lái)，法官心情愉悅的問(wèn)受刑人：

　　“你做了什么壞事啊?”

　　“我今年圣誕節(jié)購(gòu)物早了些。”犯人回答。

　　“那并不事件壞事”，法官說(shuō)：“到底多早之前啊?”

　　“商店開(kāi)門(mén)之前。”犯人答道。

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典搞笑笑話：The Three Stages of Man男性成長(zhǎng)三階段

　　He believes in Santa Claus.

　　He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus.

　　He is Santa Claus!

　　相信圣誕老人的存在。

　　不相信圣誕老人的存在。

　　自己是個(gè)圣誕老人!

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典搞笑笑話：Motivation 動(dòng)機(jī)

　　MY ENGLISH PROFESSOR once launched into a lecture on "motivation." "What pushes you ahead?" he asked. "What is it that makes you go to school each day? What driving force makes you strive to accomplish?" Turning suddenly to one young woman, he demanded: "What makes you get out of bed in the morning?" The student replied: "My mother."

　　我們英文課的教授有一次在課上講“動(dòng)機(jī)”。“是什么推動(dòng)你在人生的路上向前走?”他問(wèn)道，“是什么讓你每天上學(xué)來(lái)?又是什么驅(qū)使你追求成功?”沖著一個(gè)女學(xué)生，他問(wèn)：“是什么讓你早晨從床上爬起來(lái)的呢?”學(xué)生答道：“我媽媽。”