下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的搞笑的英語(yǔ)笑話，以供大家學(xué)習(xí)參考。

　　搞笑的英語(yǔ)笑話：Boss's idea

　　When my printer's type began to go faint, I called a repair shop where a friendly man told me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.

　　Because the shop charged 50 pounds for such cleanings, he told me, it would be better for me to read the printer's directions and try the job myself.

　　Pleasantly surprised by his words, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"

　　"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to repair things themselves first."

　　由于我的打印機(jī)不能打印出清晰的字來(lái)，我就打電話給維修部。電話是一位非常和藹的男人接的，他說(shuō)我的打印機(jī)也許只是需要清理一下。

　　他還說(shuō)，如果讓維修部清理的話要交50英鎊的清理費(fèi)，讓我最好看看使用手冊(cè)自己試著清理。

　　當(dāng)時(shí)我真的被他的話感動(dòng)了，就問他：“你們老板知道你這樣拒絕生意么?”

　　“事實(shí)上，這就是我們老板的主意，”雇員答道：“因?yàn)槿绻覀冏層脩粝茸孕?a href='http://www.rzpgrj.com/live/xiuli/' target='_blank'>修理打印機(jī)的話就能掙更多的錢。”

　　搞笑的英語(yǔ)笑話：Talking on the Telephone

　　Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story. Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.

　　"You talk to people on the telephone and don't see them on the other end of the line, right?" he began.

　　The children nodded yes. "Well, talking to God is like talking on the telephone. He's on the other end, but you can't see him. He is listening though."

　　Just then a little boy piped up and asked, "What's his number?"

　　每個(gè)星期天牧師都會(huì)把孩子們叫到教堂前面，然后給他們講一個(gè)故事。一天，他為了更好地闡述祈禱的含義，帶來(lái)了一臺(tái)電話機(jī)。

　　“你們和別人在電話里交談，并沒有看到電話線另一端的人，對(duì)嗎?”他開始問道。孩子們點(diǎn)頭稱是。“好的，和上帝交談就象通過電話交談一樣。他就在另一端，雖然你看不見他，但是他正在聆聽你的心聲。”

　　就在這時(shí)，一個(gè)小男孩尖著嗓子問道：“那他的電話號(hào)碼是什么?”

　　搞笑的英語(yǔ)笑話：The Name of a Poet

　　Our teacher was telling us about a new system of memory training being used in some schools today. It works like this, she said. Suppose you wanted tore member the name of a poetRobert Burns, for instance. She told us to think of him as Bobby Burns. Now get in your head a picture of a London policeman, a bobby in flames. See? Bobby Burns! I see what you mean, said the class know it all. But how can you tell that it's Not Robert Browning?

　　我們的老師正在給我們介紹現(xiàn)在某些學(xué)校使用的一種新的記憶訓(xùn)練系統(tǒng)。這個(gè)系統(tǒng)是這樣的，她說(shuō)，假定你要記住一個(gè)詩(shī)人的名字，例如，要記住羅伯特·彭斯的名字。她告訴我們把他當(dāng)作博比·彭斯，讓你的腦海里閃現(xiàn)出一個(gè)倫敦警察的形象，燃燒著的警察。明白嗎?警察燃燒! 我明白你的意思，班上的萬(wàn)事通說(shuō)，但是你怎么能說(shuō)那就不是羅伯特·布朗寧呢?

　　搞笑的英語(yǔ)笑話：誰(shuí)欠誰(shuí)錢

　　A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely." "Then you owe me .50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for .50. Several days later, the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: 0 due for a consultation.

　　律師的狗，沒有拴而到處閑逛，它來(lái)到一家肉店，偷走了一塊 烤肉。店主來(lái)到律師的辦公室，問道“如果一條沒栓的狗從我的商店里偷了塊肉，我有權(quán)利從狗的主人那里要回?fù)p失嗎?律師答道：“完全可以”，“那你欠我 8.50美元，你的狗沒栓而且今天從我的店里頭了塊肉”，律師什么都沒說(shuō)，馬上給他寫了一張支票。一些天后，店主打開郵箱，發(fā)現(xiàn)一封來(lái)自律師的信，信上寫 道：咨詢費(fèi)250美元。

　　搞笑的英語(yǔ)笑話：a King from a Knave

　　George Ⅲ asked the once wellknown wit, Horne Tooke,whether he could play cards.Your Majesty, replied Tooke, I am a mere childwhere cards are concerned. I cannot even tell a King from a Knave.

　　喬治三世問一度大名鼎鼎的才子霍恩·圖克，會(huì)不會(huì)玩紙牌。陛下，圖克回答說(shuō)：在玩紙牌方面，我只不過是幼兒園的水平。我甚至分不清國(guó)王和無(wú)賴。

　　搞笑的英語(yǔ)笑話：婚禮上有長(zhǎng)官在

　　A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street. "But officer," the man said, "I can explain.""Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to put you in jail until the chief gets back.""But ,officer, I ….""I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!"A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "You are lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back.""Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I'm the groom."

　　大街上的一個(gè)超速駕駛者被警察攔住了。“但是警官”這個(gè)人說(shuō)道，“我可以解釋的”。“保持安靜”，警察突然說(shuō)道。“我將把你送往監(jiān)獄，直到長(zhǎng)官回來(lái)。“但是，警察，我……”。“我說(shuō)過了保持安靜，你要到監(jiān)獄了。”幾小時(shí)后，警察向監(jiān)獄里看了看說(shuō)道“算你運(yùn)氣好，因?yàn)槲覀兊拈L(zhǎng)官正在他女兒的婚禮上。他將帶著一個(gè)愉快的心情回來(lái)的。”“你確定”在牢房里的這個(gè)人說(shuō)道。“我就是新郎呀”。

　　搞笑的英語(yǔ)笑話：Goethe's ToleranceGoe

　　the was once strolling on a narrow path in a park in Weimar. As luck would have it, he met with a critic who was hostile to him. Both of them stopped, staring at each other. Then the critic said, I'll never make way for a fool. But I will, with that Goethe retreated aside.

　　一次，歌德正在魏瑪一個(gè)公園的一條狹窄小道上散步，碰巧他遇見一個(gè)對(duì)他懷有敵意的評(píng)論家。兩人都停了下來(lái)，彼此相互對(duì)視。接著評(píng)論家說(shuō)道：我從來(lái)不給傻瓜讓路。 可我給，說(shuō)完歌德退到了一邊。

　　搞笑的英語(yǔ)笑話：Good Sight

　　Lawyer: You say you were about thirty-five feet away from the scene of the accident? Just how far can you see clearly?Witness: Well, when I wake up in the morning I see the sun, and they tell me it's about ninety-three million miles away.

　　律師：你說(shuō)你離事故現(xiàn)場(chǎng)約有35英尺，你能看清多遠(yuǎn)的東西?證人：這么說(shuō)吧，早上起床后我看見太陽(yáng)，別人告訴我這大約有9300萬(wàn)英里遠(yuǎn)。

　　搞笑的英語(yǔ)笑話：拿破侖病了

　　Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year."He's a good boy," said Jack's father, "and if you let him pass this time, I'm sure he'll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well.""No, no, that's quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn't know!""Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack's father. "You see, I'm afraid we don't take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."

　　杰克到一所大學(xué)去學(xué)歷史。第一學(xué)期結(jié)束時(shí)，歷史課教授沒讓他及格，校讓他退學(xué)。然而，杰克的父親決定去見教授，強(qiáng)烈要求讓杰克繼續(xù)來(lái)年的學(xué)業(yè)。“他是個(gè)好孩子，”杰克的父親說(shuō)，“您要是讓他這次及格，我相信他明年會(huì)有很大進(jìn)步，學(xué)期結(jié)束時(shí)，他一定會(huì)考好的。”“不，不，那不可能，”教授馬上回答，“你知道嗎?上個(gè)月我問他拿破侖什么時(shí)候死的，他都不知道。”“先生，請(qǐng)?jiān)俳o他一次機(jī)會(huì)吧。”杰克的父親說(shuō)，“你不知道，恐怕是因?yàn)槲覀兗覜]有訂報(bào)紙，我們家的人連拿破侖病了都不知道。”

　　搞笑的英語(yǔ)笑話：Who is Stupid?

　　A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

　　Little Johnny then stood up.

　　The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"

　　"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

　　一個(gè)老師在對(duì)學(xué)生們講心理學(xué)，“誰(shuí)認(rèn)為自己蠢就站起來(lái)?”她一開始就說(shuō)。

　　小約翰尼站了起來(lái)。

　　“你認(rèn)為你很蠢嗎，小約翰尼?”老師問。

　　“不是的，老師，我只是不喜歡看你一個(gè)人站著。”

　　搞笑的英語(yǔ)笑話：一分一塊錢

　　A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.

　　Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a 0 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."

　　The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and change.

　　一天，教授正在給學(xué)生們監(jiān)考。他發(fā)下試卷，然后回到講臺(tái)前等待。

　　考試結(jié)束了，學(xué)生們紛紛交回試卷。教授發(fā)現(xiàn)一張?jiān)嚲砩蟿e著一張百元鈔票，還有一張紙條寫著："一分一塊錢。"

　　第二堂課，教授把試卷都發(fā)回學(xué)生們手中。其中一個(gè)學(xué)生不但得到了試卷還得到64塊錢的找零。

　　搞笑的英語(yǔ)笑話：哪有人能彎腰彎那么低的

　　Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a much beloved, jovial man. But there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him -- his height. or, should I say, his lack of it.One day, he stormed through the door and announced angrily, "Someone just picked my pocket!" Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless, except for the one who blurted out, "How could anyone stoop so low?"

　　我們的餐廳經(jīng)理是一位深受大家愛戴，和藹而又快樂的人。但在他面前有一件事不能提--他的身高?；蛘?，我應(yīng)該說(shuō)，他是有點(diǎn)矮!一天，經(jīng)理怒氣沖沖地撞門而入，高聲說(shuō)，“有人拿了我的錢包!”

　　我和其她大部女招待都沒敢吱聲，但有人卻蹦出一句話：“哪有人能彎腰彎那么低的啊”!