英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話12則

　　下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話，以供大家學(xué)習(xí)參考。

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話：醫(yī)生住在樓下

　　"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."

　　He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

　　“我想讓你坦率地說(shuō)我到底得了什么病。”

　　他從頭到腳打量打量她，然后大聲說(shuō)：“太太，我有三件事要對(duì)你說(shuō)。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅;第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅，您的美貌將會(huì)改變。第三，我是一位畫(huà)家——醫(yī)生住在樓下。”

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話：三人同舟

　　Three men were sitting on a park bench. The one in the middle was reading a newspaper; the others were pretending to fish. They baited imaginary hooks, cast lines and reeled in their catch.

　　A passing policeman stopped to watch the spectacle and asked the man in the middle if he knew the other two.

　　"Oh yes, " he said. "They are my friends.

　　"In that case, " warned the officer, "you'd better get them out of here!"

　　"Yes, sir, " the man replied, and he began rowing furiously.

　　三位男子在公園的長(zhǎng)椅上坐著。中間的一個(gè)在讀報(bào)紙，另外兩個(gè)在假裝釣魚(yú)。他們給想象的魚(yú)鉤上魚(yú)餌，放線，并卷線把魚(yú)抓上來(lái)。

　　一位過(guò)路警察駐足觀察了這個(gè)景象，他問(wèn)中間的那個(gè)男子是否認(rèn)識(shí)其他兩位。

　　“喔，認(rèn)識(shí)，”他說(shuō)，“他們是我的朋友。”

　　“那樣的話，”警察告誡說(shuō)，“你最好把他們從這里弄走。”

　　“好的，警官。”那男子回答說(shuō)，接著就開(kāi)始瘋狂般地做起劃槳的動(dòng)作來(lái)。

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話：As If Awakening From A Dream

　　A competition which subject is on giving up drinking is proceeding. One of lecturers says excitedly, " Alcohol can break down conjugal(婚姻的) relation, even cause your wife to leave you… "

　　A man shouts out at the news, "Give me another bottle of Brandy."

　　以戒酒為主題的演講比賽正在進(jìn)行，一個(gè)演講者動(dòng)情地說(shuō)：“酒精可以破壞夫妻關(guān)系，甚至導(dǎo)致妻子離開(kāi)自己的丈夫……”

　　這時(shí)一個(gè)男人大聲喊：“再來(lái)一瓶白蘭地!”

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話：The ability of the Kangaroo 袋鼠的能力

　　The zoo built a special eight-foot-high enclosure for its newly acquired kangaroo, but the next morning the animal was found hopping around outside. The height of the fence was increased to 15 feet, but the kangaroo got out again. Exasperated, the zoo director had the height increased to 30 feet, but the kangaroo still escaped. A giraffe asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll build the fence?"

　　"I don't know, " said the kangaroo. "Maybe a thousand feet if they keep leaving the gate unlocked.

　　動(dòng)物園為剛引進(jìn)的袋鼠建了一個(gè)特殊的八英尺高的圍墻。但是第二天早上，人們發(fā)現(xiàn)這動(dòng)物在圍墻外面蹦跳著。于是圍墻高度增加到十五英尺，但袋鼠還是跑了出來(lái)。動(dòng)物園經(jīng)理甚感惱火，又叫人把圍墻高度加到三十英尺，但袋鼠還是逃了出來(lái)。一個(gè)長(zhǎng)頸鹿問(wèn)袋鼠：“你認(rèn)為他們會(huì)把圍墻建到多高?” “我不知道，”袋鼠說(shuō)，“如果他們繼續(xù)開(kāi)著大門(mén)，可能要修到一千英尺吧。”

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話：什么叫叛徒?

　　Young hopeful：“Father，what is a traitor in politics?” Father(a veteran politician)：“A traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes over to the other one.” Young hopeful：“Well then，what is a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours?” Father：“A convert，my son.”

　　有希望的青年人：“父親，什么叫政治叛徒?” 父親(一位老資格的政治家)：“叛徒指的是離開(kāi)我們黨而加入到另一個(gè)黨的人。” 有希望的青年人：“那么，離開(kāi)他的黨而加入到我們黨的人又叫什么呢?” 父親：“叫改變信仰者。我的兒子。”

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話：馬克·吐溫

　　On one occasion when Mark Twain arrived in London from New York，the Star thought the fact worth recording onits evening placard.But there was another piece of news to bementioned：it was about the Ascot Cup being stolen.Theplacard thus ran： MARK TWAIN ARRIVES. ASCOT CUP STOLEN. Mark Twain，we believe，never heard the last of it.

　　有一次，馬克·吐溫從紐約起程抵達(dá)倫敦訪問(wèn)，《星報(bào)》認(rèn)為這個(gè)消息值得登在它的晚招貼上。但是，還有一條消息也要登上：關(guān)于愛(ài)斯科杯被盜的消息。招貼是這樣寫(xiě)的： 馬克·吐溫 光臨 愛(ài)斯科杯 被盜 我們相信，馬克·吐溫從來(lái)也沒(méi)聽(tīng)說(shuō)過(guò)這件事。

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話：怕老婆的丈夫

　　The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives.He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely. Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right. “It's good to see，”said the king，“that we have one real man in the kingdom.Tell these chickenhearted dunces why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.” “Your Majesty，”came the reply in a squealing voice，“it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.”

　　古代有一個(gè)國(guó)王，他想證明他領(lǐng)土內(nèi)的男人并非像人們傳說(shuō)的那樣，受到老婆的管制。他把王國(guó)里所有的男人都召到跟前，警告說(shuō)，哪個(gè)男人膽敢不說(shuō)實(shí)話，就會(huì)受到嚴(yán)厲的懲罰。然后，他叫所有聽(tīng)從妻子的命令和意見(jiàn)的男人都走向大廳的左側(cè)。所有的男人都站到了左側(cè)，只有一個(gè)小個(gè)子男人站到了右側(cè)。國(guó)王說(shuō)：“看到我們國(guó)家里還有一個(gè)真正的男子漢，真是令人高興。告訴這些膽小的笨蛋，為什么在他們當(dāng)中只有你一個(gè)人站在大廳的右側(cè)。” “陛下，”那人尖聲地回答：“因?yàn)樵谖页鲩T(mén)之前，我老婆告訴我不要扎堆。”

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話：睡前禱告詞

　　Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "Make Naples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy."

　　Her mother interrupted and said, "Julie, why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy?"

　　And Julie replied, "Because that's what I put in my geography exam!"

　　朱莉葉在做睡前禱告。“禱告上帝，”她說(shuō)，“讓那不勒斯成為意大利的首都吧。讓那不勒斯成為意大利的首都吧。”

　　媽媽打斷她說(shuō)：“朱莉葉，你為什么求上帝讓那不勒斯成為意大利的首都呢?”

　　朱莉葉回答說(shuō)：“因?yàn)槲以诘乩砜季砩鲜沁@么寫(xiě)的。”

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話：幾月走的

　　When Jack bowed to someone, he always did it at lightening speed. You shouldn't wait any longer after he has had his head nod. So he was blamed for no manners. Then some warmhearted men taught him, "When you bow to somebody next time, you can count 'January, February, March. until December. Then you can lift your body up. Thus, the ceremony will be perfect.

　　The next day, he met his uncle, he did as the men told him. The bow was so long that it made his uncle feel surprised and escaped away soon . When Jack looked up, he found his uncle gone . So he asked the passer, "Which month did he go away?"

　　杰克給人鞠躬，飛快地一點(diǎn)頭，就算完了。大家都怪他不懂禮貌。于是便有好心的人教他說(shuō)，“下次鞠躬的時(shí)候，你就在心里數(shù)：正月、二月、……一直數(shù)到十二月為止，然后再直起身來(lái)。這樣，禮節(jié)就周全了。”

　　第二天，杰克見(jiàn)到他的叔叔，他便如法炮制。這躬鞠得太久，叔叔吃了一驚，趕緊逃開(kāi)了。杰克抬頭一看，其叔早已不知去向，他便問(wèn)過(guò)路人：“我叔叔幾月走的?”

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話：the important of a second language

　　A cat and her four kittens ran into a large dog. When the kittens cowered, the cat let out a series of loud barks, scaring the dog away.

　　Turning to her kittens, the cat said, "You see how important it is to know a second language."

　　一天，一只貓媽媽領(lǐng)著4只小貓?jiān)诼飞献?，卻遇到了一只大狗。小貓們嚇的蜷縮成了一團(tuán)，這時(shí)貓媽媽吼出了一連串的汪汪聲，大狗被嚇跑了。貓媽媽轉(zhuǎn)過(guò)身來(lái)對(duì)幾個(gè)小貓說(shuō)，“孩子們，看看掌握一門(mén)外語(yǔ)是多么的重要呀!”

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話：Easy or Not

　　Pulling alongside our drive-up bank window, a woman was not happy with her position. So she backed up and pulled closer. Still not satisfied, she backed away and tried again. After five attempts, she finally parked the car and rolled down her window. I greeted her with a simple "Good morning".

　　"Good morning," she replied cheerfully. "I'm going to have to use this drive-up all the time. It's so easy!"

　　一位婦女把車沿著我們銀行的驅(qū)車直達(dá)窗口開(kāi)過(guò)來(lái)，可她并不滿意于她停的位置。因此她倒車，靠得更近點(diǎn)。還是不滿意，倒車，再來(lái)。五次努力后，終于她把車停下來(lái)，搖下車窗。我簡(jiǎn)單地問(wèn)候她一聲“早上好”。

　　“早上好，”她愉快地回答說(shuō)，“以后我都要使用這種驅(qū)車直達(dá)窗口。真是如此的方便。”

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話：假如我是一個(gè)經(jīng)理

　　One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition – If I Am a Manager.All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.I am waiting for my secretary, was the boy’s answer.

　　一天課上，老師要同學(xué)們以如果我是一個(gè)經(jīng)理為題寫(xiě)一篇作文。所有的學(xué)生都在動(dòng)筆寫(xiě)了，只有一個(gè)男生例外。老師走過(guò)去問(wèn)他為什么不寫(xiě)。我在等我的秘書(shū)。那孩子答道。