下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的少兒英語(yǔ)笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　少兒英語(yǔ)笑話：Another 40 Years to live

　　A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

　　一名中年婦女心臟病突發(fā)被送到了醫(yī)院， 在手術(shù)臺(tái)上，瀕臨死亡之際，她看到了上帝， 于是，她問(wèn)上帝是不是她的日子到頭了。 上帝回答說(shuō)，“還沒(méi)有，你還能活43年，2個(gè)月零8天。” 身體快要康復(fù)的時(shí)候，這名女士想到自己還要活那么多年，得好好對(duì)待自己，于是決定先不出院，而是去給自己整整容，吸吸脂，隆隆胸，然后還做了一個(gè)腹部拉皮和其它一些美容美體手術(shù)。 她甚至還請(qǐng)人到醫(yī)院里面幫她頭發(fā)給染了。 做完最后一個(gè)手術(shù)，這位女士出院了， 但就在過(guò)馬路的時(shí)候，她被一輛風(fēng)馳電摯趕回醫(yī)院的救護(hù)車(chē)給撞死了。 再一次，她又站到了上帝的面前，她大惑不解地問(wèn)上帝，“我記得你說(shuō)我還能再活40年?” 上帝回答，“那個(gè)時(shí)候我沒(méi)認(rèn)出你來(lái)”。

　　少兒英語(yǔ)笑話：

　　In secondary school, I was always self-conscious about my height.

　　Once I was asked out by a life-guard. I had never really stood next to him and didn't know how tall he was, so the night of the date I took out two pairs of shoes-one with heels, one flat. I arranged with my brother to answer the door, compare his height with my date's and run upstairs to let me know which shoes to wear.

　　When doorbell rang I waited. Then my brother showed up and told me what I didn't want to hear: "Go barefoot."

　　中學(xué)的時(shí)候，我對(duì)自己的高度非常敏感。

　　一次，一位救生員約我出去。事實(shí)上，我從未和他并肩站過(guò)，因而不知道他到底有多高。因此約會(huì)那晚，我拿出兩雙鞋，一雙高跟，一雙平跟。我安排哥哥去開(kāi)門(mén)，讓他和救生員比比高度，再上樓告訴我應(yīng)穿哪雙鞋。

　　門(mén)鈴響了，我在樓上等著。哥哥跑上樓告訴了我一個(gè)不幸的消息：“你可以光著腳去約會(huì)。”

　　少兒英語(yǔ)笑話：Is he dying?

　　A man was sitting in a bar with tears streaming down his face. A friend walked in and asked why he was so unhappy. The weeping one said, The doctor has just told me I'll have to take these tablets for the rest of my life.

　　Cheerfully, his friend pointed out that many people have to take tablets every day of their life. Sure, came the reply, but he only gave me ten.

　　一個(gè)男人坐在酒吧里痛哭流淚。一個(gè)朋友走進(jìn)來(lái)問(wèn)他為何如此傷心。那人哭著說(shuō)：剛才醫(yī)生告訴我，在我的余生里都要吃這些藥片。

　　他的朋友很輕松地指出，許多人一輩子每天都要吃藥。當(dāng)然，男人回答說(shuō)：但是他只給了我十片。

　　少兒英語(yǔ)笑話：The blonde and the farmer

　　There was a blonde that was so sick of blonde jokes she died her hair red. The jokes stopped and she felt so good, she took a ride in the country one Saturday afternoon. While on this ride, she noticed a flock of sheep and stopped the car to take&n......。

　　一個(gè)金發(fā)女郎，是那么惡心的黃色笑話她把頭發(fā)染成紅色。笑話停了下來(lái)，她覺(jué)得很好，她在農(nóng)村的一個(gè)搭車(chē)的星期六下午。而在這旅程，她注意到一群羊，停下車(chē)來(lái)把......。

　　少兒英語(yǔ)笑話：太晚了 It's Too Late

　　A medical student was called on to state how much of a certain drug he would give to a patient. He promptly replied: "Five grains."

　　A minute later the student asked the professor, "May I correct my answer?" The professor looked at his watch and said: "It's too late. Your patient died thirty seconds ago."

　　一個(gè)醫(yī)科學(xué)生被要求說(shuō)明他給病人服的那種藥的用量。他立即回答道：“五粒。”

　　一分鐘后，這個(gè)學(xué)生問(wèn)教授：“我可以改正我的回答嗎?”教授看看手表，說(shuō)：“太晚啦，你的病人已在30秒鐘以前死了。”

　　少兒英語(yǔ)笑話：因禍得福 To Profit from a Misfortune

　　A man was a butterfingers. He had been suffering from unemployment for months.

　　At last he found a job in a chinaware house. He had worked only a few days when he dropped a large vase.

　　The manager summoned him to the office and told him that money would be deducted from his wages every week until the vase was paid for. He asked: "How much did it cost?" "Five hundred dollars." said the manager. "Oh, that's wonderful," he said happily, "I'm so happy that I have got a steady job at last."

　　有一個(gè)人很粗心，老是打爛東西。他已失業(yè)好幾個(gè)月了。

　　最后他在一個(gè)瓷器店找到了一個(gè)工作?？墒遣鸥闪藥滋欤痛驙€了一個(gè)很大的花瓶。

　　經(jīng)理把他到辦公室去，告訴他每個(gè)星期都要扣他的工錢(qián)，直到賠償夠了為止。他就問(wèn)：“那個(gè)花瓶值多少錢(qián)?”經(jīng)理說(shuō)：“值500美元。”他很高興地說(shuō)：“啊!太妙了，我非常高興，終于有個(gè)穩(wěn)定的工作啦。”

　　少兒英語(yǔ)笑話：我干得怎么樣 How did I do

　　A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.

　　The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner, people." A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off that corner...NOW!" Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.

　　Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?" "Pretty good," chuckled the veteran policemen, "especially since this is a bus stop!"

　　一名新警察與老警察開(kāi)著警車(chē)第一次出去巡邏。 他們得到命令去疏散一群閑逛的人，于是他們開(kāi)車(chē)去了那條街，看到路口站著一群人。

　　新警察搖下窗戶(hù)：“大家注意了，快離開(kāi)這里。”人們看了他幾眼，沒(méi)理他。他喊起來(lái)：“離開(kāi)這里，馬上離開(kāi)!”大家都不知道怎么回事，但是在他的威脅下還是離開(kāi)了。

　　新警察對(duì)他第一次執(zhí)行公務(wù)的結(jié)果很滿意，對(duì)老警察說(shuō)：“我干得怎么樣?”“你做得很好，”老警察笑著說(shuō)，“尤其是在公共汽車(chē)站。”

　　少兒英語(yǔ)笑話：我可以回家了

　　Now i can go home

　　One day after school the teacher said to his students，“Tomorrow morning，if any one of you can answer my first question.I'll permit him or her to go home earlier.” The next day，when the teacher came into the classroom，he found the blackboard daubed.He was very angry and asked，“Who did it?Please stand up! ” “It' s me，”said Bob，“Now，I can go home，Good-bye，Sir! ”

　　我 可 以 回 家 了

　　一天，放學(xué)以后，老師對(duì)他的學(xué)生們說(shuō)：“明天上午，如果你們當(dāng)中的任何一個(gè)同學(xué)能回答我的第一個(gè)問(wèn)題，我就準(zhǔn)許他或她最先回家。”第二天，老師走進(jìn)教室時(shí)發(fā)現(xiàn)黑板已被亂涂，他非常生氣地問(wèn)：“誰(shuí)涂的? 請(qǐng)站起來(lái)。”鮑勃說(shuō)：“先生，是我，現(xiàn)在我可以回家了，再見(jiàn)。”