趣味英語(yǔ)笑話

　　下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的趣味英語(yǔ)笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　趣味英語(yǔ)笑話：《律師、寶馬和胳膊》

　　A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

　　"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined.

　　一個(gè)律師打開(kāi)他的寶馬車(chē)門(mén)，突然一輛汽車(chē)駛過(guò)來(lái)把門(mén)撞飛了，警察趕到現(xiàn)場(chǎng)，律師正痛苦地抱怨毀壞了他心愛(ài)的寶馬。

　　“警察同志，看看他們把我的車(chē)弄的!!!”律師哀怨地說(shuō)。

　　"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"

　　“你們律師真是物質(zhì)至上，我很不舒服!”警察反駁說(shuō)，“你這么關(guān)心你可惡的寶馬，你可能沒(méi)有注意到你的左胳膊也沒(méi)了。”

　　律師終于注意到了血淋淋的左肩膀，“天哪，我的勞力士手表在哪兒?”

　　趣味英語(yǔ)笑話：The New Teacher

　　George comes from school on the first of September.

　　9月1日， 喬治放學(xué)回到家里。

　　George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.

　　“喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎?” 媽媽問(wèn)

　　I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too.....

　　“媽媽?zhuān)也幌矚g，因?yàn)樗f(shuō)3加3得6, 可后來(lái)又說(shuō)2加4也得6。”

　　趣味英語(yǔ)笑話：The Fish Net

　　Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?

　　“你能告訴我魚(yú)網(wǎng)是什么做的嗎，安?” 老師發(fā)問(wèn)道。

　　A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl.

　　“把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚(yú)網(wǎng)了。”小女孩回答道。

　　趣味英語(yǔ)笑話：A Smart Parrot 聰明的鸚鵡

　　A curious guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it's right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings1. "Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German," replies the shop keeper.

　　"And what happens if I pull both the strings?" our curious shopper inquires.

　　"I fall off my perch2 you fool!!" screeches3 the parrot.

　　有個(gè)人去寵物店買(mǎi)鸚鵡。在那里，他看見(jiàn)有只鸚鵡的左腿被紅線系住，右腿則被綠線系住。對(duì)此他感到不解，于是他問(wèn)該店的老板，老板回答說(shuō)：“這只鸚鵡受過(guò)特殊的訓(xùn)練。如果拉紅線，它就講法語(yǔ)，拉綠線，它則講德語(yǔ)。”

　　這個(gè)好奇的人接著問(wèn)，“要是我兩條線都拉，會(huì)怎么樣呢?”

　　“我就會(huì)掉下來(lái)了，你這個(gè)傻瓜!!”鸚鵡尖叫著說(shuō)。

　　趣味英語(yǔ)笑話：Not so fast 別那么急嘛

　　A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala(歡慶的) charity event was taking place.

　　Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution.

　　"Great idea!" the chicken cried."Let's offer hem1 ham and eggs?"

　　"Not so fast," said the pig testily2. "For you, that's a contribution. For me, it's a total commitment."

　　一只豬和一只雞路過(guò)一所教堂，那里有一場(chǎng)盛大慈善活動(dòng)正在進(jìn)行著。

　　在精神上收到觸動(dòng)的豬向小雞提出建議：他們每個(gè)人作出點(diǎn)自己的貢獻(xiàn)。

　　“好主意!”雞尖叫道，“讓我們給腿和雞蛋吧?”

　　“著什么急”豬不耐煩地說(shuō)，“對(duì)你來(lái)說(shuō)，是一個(gè)貢獻(xiàn)，對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)，這是一個(gè)完全的獻(xiàn)身。”

　　趣味英語(yǔ)笑話：The boy and the snails 男孩和蝸牛

　　A farmer's boy went looking for snails, and, when he had picked up both his hands full, he set about making a fire at which to roast them; for he meant to eat them. When it got well alight and the snails began to feel the heat, they gradually withdrew more and more into their shells with the hissing noise they always make when they do so. When the boy heard it, he said, "You abandoned creatures, how can you find heart to whistle when your houses are burning?"

　　一個(gè)鄉(xiāng)下少年到處尋找蝸牛，當(dāng)他雙手都塞滿(mǎn)了蝸牛后，就準(zhǔn)備點(diǎn)火烤著吃。火點(diǎn)著了，蝸牛也開(kāi)始感覺(jué)到熱了，他們紛紛退向堅(jiān)殼的深處，同時(shí)還發(fā)出“咝咝”的噪音。男孩子聽(tīng)到了蝸牛發(fā)出的噓聲，便說(shuō)：“你們這些連命都快沒(méi)有的家伙，怎么還能有心情在窩里著火時(shí)吹口哨呢?”

　　趣味英語(yǔ)笑話：Don't Argue with Children 不要和小孩爭(zhēng)論

　　A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

　　The teacher said it was physically1 impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

　　The little girl stated that a whale swallowed Jonah.

　　Irritated, the teacher reiterated2 that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

　　The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

　　The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

　　The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

　　一個(gè)小女孩和她的老師正在談?wù)撚嘘P(guān)鯨魚(yú)的事情。

　　她的老師說(shuō)：“一頭鯨魚(yú)從身體構(gòu)造的角度看，是不可能吞掉一個(gè)人的。因?yàn)楸M管鯨魚(yú)是一種非常巨大的哺乳動(dòng)物，可它的嗓子非常小。”

　　那個(gè)小女孩說(shuō)約拿(一位西伯來(lái)先知)就是被鯨魚(yú)吞掉的。

　　她的老師非常生氣，她再次告訴小女孩說(shuō)：“從身體構(gòu)造角度來(lái)講，鯨魚(yú)是不可能吞掉一個(gè)人的。”

　　那個(gè)小女孩說(shuō)：“那等我到了天堂，就去問(wèn)問(wèn)約拿。”

　　她的老師問(wèn)：“那么，假如約拿下了地獄怎么辦?”

　　那個(gè)小女孩回答：“如果是那樣的話，你就去問(wèn)他。”

　　趣味英語(yǔ)笑話：A Duel 決斗

　　Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody1 nose, black eye, and torn clothing.

　　It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. His father asked his son what happened. "Well, Dad," said Pete, "I challenged Larry to a duel2. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."

　　"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."

　　"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"

　　小彼得從操場(chǎng)回到家時(shí)，鼻子流血、黑眼圈及被撕破了衣服。

　　顯然他剛與人惡斗了一番，而且打輸了。父親問(wèn)兒子發(fā)生了什么事。“噢，爸爸，彼得說(shuō)，我向拉里挑起決斗，而且我讓他挑選武器。”

　　“嗯，”父親說(shuō)，“這看上去很公平!”

　　“我知道，但我沒(méi)想到他選擇了他姐姐!”

　　趣味英語(yǔ)笑話：Neither 都不是

　　It was local election time and the candidate was visiting all the houses in his area.

　　At one house a small boy answered the door. "Tell me, young man," said the politician. "Is your Mommy in the Republican Party or the Democratic Party?"

　　"Neither," said the child, "she's in the bathroom."

　　正值當(dāng)?shù)馗?jìng)選時(shí)期，候選人到他的區(qū)域的千家萬(wàn)戶(hù)登門(mén)拜訪。

　　候選人來(lái)到了一家門(mén)口，一個(gè)小男孩開(kāi)了門(mén)。“告訴我，年輕人，”候選人問(wèn)道，“你母親是在共和黨還是在民主黨?”

　　“都不是，”孩子答到，“她在浴室。”