英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話(huà)七篇

　　下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話(huà)七篇，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話(huà)一●我需要器官移植

　　The patient is adamant. "Doc, I need a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a heart transplant, a cornea transplant, a spleen transplant, a pancreas trans. . ." "What makes you think you need all these?" Well, replied the patient, "My boss said if I wanted to keep my job I needed to get reorganized."

　　這個(gè)病人顯得很堅(jiān)決。“醫(yī)生，我需要做肝臟移植、腎臟移植、心臟移植、角膜移植、脾臟移植、胰腺移植和……” “你為什么認(rèn)為你需要做這么多移植手術(shù)?”病人回答：“哦，是這樣，我的老板說(shuō)如果我這個(gè)人不重新組裝的話(huà)，就別想保住我的工作!”

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話(huà)二●埋在花園里的槍

　　Guns Buried in the Garden An old man lived alone in Northern Ireland. His only son was in prison. The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn't know anyone who would help him plow up the garden. He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!" At 4 AM the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."

　　一個(gè)老人獨(dú)居在北愛(ài)爾蘭，他的獨(dú)生子正在坐牢。老人想在花園里種些土豆，但不知道誰(shuí)可以幫忙把泥土翻松。他寫(xiě)信想兒子提及此事，兒子回信說(shuō)道：“看在上帝的面上，千萬(wàn)不要翻松花園的泥土，我把槍埋在那兒了。”第二天凌晨4點(diǎn)，一隊(duì)英國(guó)士兵出現(xiàn)在老人家中，在花園把土地翻遍，但并沒(méi)有找到任何槍支。” 老人寫(xiě)信告訴兒子這件奇怪的事情，問(wèn)到底發(fā)生了什么事情，下一步應(yīng)該怎么做。 兒子回信道：“你只管種土豆好了。”

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話(huà)三●the formula for water

　　An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?""Sure. That's easy," said one man."What is it?""H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.""What, what?" reasked the instructor."H to O," explained the chemistry expert.

　　生化戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)課的老師在課堂上問(wèn)士兵們：“誰(shuí)知道水的分子式?”“當(dāng)然，太簡(jiǎn)單了。”一個(gè)士兵回答道。“是什么?”“H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.”“什么，什么?”老師又問(wèn)道。“H to O，”化學(xué)專(zhuān)家解釋道。

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話(huà)四●frog 青蛙

　　Frog The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, "Now I'll show you this frog in my pocket." He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich. He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said, "That's funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch."

　　老師正在給學(xué)生上生物課：“現(xiàn)在，我將要給你們看我袋子里的這只青蛙。”接著，他把手伸進(jìn)口袋，卻拿出了一份雞肉三文治。老師滿(mǎn)臉困惑地看了一眼，沉思了一會(huì)兒，說(shuō)道：“真奇怪。我明明記得我已經(jīng)把午飯吃掉了。”

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話(huà)五

　　魔鬼的妹夫

　　A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.

　　一位婦人發(fā)現(xiàn)丈夫回家的時(shí)候總是爛醉如泥，她決定為丈夫治好這個(gè)毛病。一個(gè)萬(wàn)圣節(jié)夜里，她穿上一套魔鬼戲服，躲在樹(shù)后，準(zhǔn)備在丈夫返家時(shí)攔截他的去路。

　　When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.

　　當(dāng)丈夫走近時(shí)，她從樹(shù)后跳出來(lái)，站到他面前，頭上帶著紅色的羊角、身后有長(zhǎng)長(zhǎng)的尾巴，手中握著鋼叉。

　　"Who are you?" he asked.

　　“你是誰(shuí)?”丈夫問(wèn)到。

　　"I'm the Devil!" she responded.

　　“我是魔鬼!”她回答到。

　　"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"

　　“噢，那你跟我一起回家吧，”丈夫說(shuō)，“我娶了你的姐妹!”

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話(huà)六

　　最丑的孩子?

　　A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

　　一位女士抱著她的寶寶上公交車(chē)，司機(jī)看到后說(shuō)：“額，那是我這輩子見(jiàn)過(guò)的最丑的小孩。”

　　The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

　　女士走到車(chē)廂后面坐下，感到很憤怒。她對(duì)旁邊的男士說(shuō)：“司機(jī)剛剛羞辱了我。”男士回應(yīng)說(shuō)：“你快上去斥責(zé)他。去吧，我替你抱著你的猴子。”

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話(huà)七

　　A Man of Actions

　　A crowd of student was gathered on the campus of Oxford University. “You can have no doubt,” shouted a young man excitedly, “that if the Dean does not take back what he said to me this morning, I’ll leave Oxford this very evening!”

　　A buzzing noise followed. “What a man of actions!” one said in admiration. “How should we support him and learn from him!” said another.

　　Suddenly, a girl asked, “What did the Dean say to you, Hob?”

　　He bent and whispered to her, “Well,er???er???Miss Rose, er???he told me to get clean away from 　　Oxford this very evening!”

　　一群學(xué)生聚在牛津的校園里，一個(gè)年輕人情緒激動(dòng)地叫道：“毋庸置疑，如果那個(gè)家伙不收回他今早　　對(duì)我說(shuō)的話(huà)，我今晚就離開(kāi)牛津。”

　　下面一片喧嘩。“真是個(gè)言出必行的人。”一個(gè)人艷羨地說(shuō)。另一個(gè)說(shuō)：“我們要支持他、學(xué)習(xí)他。”

　　突然，一個(gè)女孩問(wèn)道：“那家伙對(duì)你說(shuō)什么了，霍波?”

　　他彎下腰小聲說(shuō)：“哦，呃…呃…，羅斯小姐，呃…他說(shuō)要我今晚從牛津滾出去。”