長(zhǎng)一點(diǎn)的英語(yǔ)笑話大全
長(zhǎng)一點(diǎn)的英語(yǔ)笑話大全
在交際場(chǎng)合,能恰到好處地講個(gè)笑話或自創(chuàng)一個(gè)幽默,不僅可以體現(xiàn)自己的語(yǔ)言水平,還可以提升個(gè)人魅力。小編精心收集了長(zhǎng)一點(diǎn)的英語(yǔ)笑話，供大家欣賞學(xué)習(xí)!
長(zhǎng)一點(diǎn)的英語(yǔ)笑話：Don't You Like Any of Our Colours Today?
Mrs. Green was eighty，but she had a small car，and she always drove to the shops in it on Saturday and bought her food.
She did not drive fast，because she was old，but she drove well and never hit anything. Sometimes her grandchildren said to her，“Please don't drive your car，grandmother. We can take you to the shops.”
But she always said，“No，I like driving. I've driven for fifty years，and I'm not going to stop now.”
Last Saturday she stopped her car at some traffic-lights because they were red，and then it did not start again. The lights were green，then yellow，then red，
then green again，but her car did not start.
“What am I going to do now?” She said.
But then a policeman came and said to her kindly，“Good morning. Don't you like any of our colours today?”
格林太太八十歲了。她有一輛小型轎車，每逢星期六她總是開著這輛車去購(gòu)買食品。
因?yàn)槟昙o(jì)大了，格林太太車子開得不快，不過(guò)她開車技術(shù)很高，從來(lái)沒(méi)有出過(guò)事。有時(shí)她的孫子孫女們對(duì)她說(shuō)：“奶奶，您別開車了，我們可以送您去商店。”
但她總是說(shuō)：“不，我喜歡開車。我已經(jīng)開了五十年了，現(xiàn)在還不想撒手。”
上星期六，她看見交通燈是紅色就剎住了車。后來(lái)車子熄火了。交通燈由綠色轉(zhuǎn)為黃色，然后轉(zhuǎn)為紅色，又轉(zhuǎn)變?yōu)榫G色，可她的車子還是發(fā)動(dòng)不起來(lái)。
“現(xiàn)在我該怎么辦呢?”她說(shuō)。
這時(shí)一位警察走過(guò)來(lái)，和氣地對(duì)她說(shuō)：“早上好，今天交通燈的顏色沒(méi)有一樣您喜歡嗎?”
長(zhǎng)一點(diǎn)的英語(yǔ)笑話：開窗
A gentleman was sitting quietly in a first-class compartment. Two ladies got in. One of them saw that the window was open and she shut it before sitting down."Open it again," said the second lady, "I'll die of suffocation(窒息，悶死) if there is no fresh air.""I won't open it," said the first lady, "I'll die of cold if the window is open."A querrel started, and it continued until the gentleman spoke:"Let's have the window shut until this lady has died of suffocation, and then we can have it open until this lady has died of cold. After that it will be nice and quiet in here again."
解決問(wèn)題的好辦法 一位紳士正靜靜地坐在頭等包廂里，有兩位女士走了進(jìn)來(lái)。其中一位見窗戶開著，就在落坐之前把窗戶“把窗戶打開，”第二位女士說(shuō)道，“如果沒(méi)有新鮮空氣，我會(huì)被憋死的。” “不能打開，”第一位說(shuō)道，“如果它開著，我會(huì)被凍死的。” 一場(chǎng)爭(zhēng)吵開始，沒(méi)完沒(méi)了，直到那位紳士開口： “我們先讓窗戶關(guān)著，直到把這位女士憋死，然后再打開窗戶，直到把這位女士?jī)鏊馈Ｄ且院?，這兒就可以恢復(fù)平靜了。”
長(zhǎng)一點(diǎn)的英語(yǔ)笑話：跳板
The cruise ship my friend was working on docked(停駐) at a Mexican port during a very high tide. Everyone on board was forced to use the ship's narrow gangplank(跳板，踏板) as a passageway to the dock far below.The staff stood motionless when a passenger in her 70s appear at the top of the plank(厚木板，支架) . There wasn't room for anyone to assist her, so she edged along slowly and finally made it to the dock safely, to everyone's relief. As she stepped down, she turned, looked back at the top of the plank and shouted, "It's okay, Mother, you can come down now."
長(zhǎng)一點(diǎn)的英語(yǔ)笑話：My Husband Will Be Home Soon
A married man was visiting his "girlfriend" when she requested that he shave his beard.
"Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."
James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!!"
"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a *y little voice...
"Oh really, I can't," he replies..."My wife loves this beard!!"
The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.
The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies "Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon!"
我丈夫馬上就要回來(lái)了
一個(gè)已婚男人去拜訪他的“女朋友”時(shí)，女朋友要求他剃去胡須。
“噢，詹姆斯，我喜歡你的胡子，但我更喜歡看到你英俊的面孔。”
詹姆斯回答說(shuō)，“我的妻子喜歡我的胡子，所以我不可能剃掉它，否則她會(huì)殺了我的。”
“噢，我求你了，”女朋友用一種低沉的、性感的聲音又一次說(shuō)道。
“可是，我不能，”他回答道，“我的妻子喜歡這胡子。”
在女朋友再三請(qǐng)求下，他終于屈服同意了。夜里，在妻子熟睡時(shí)，詹姆斯爬上了床。
妻子朦朦朧朧地摸了摸他的臉說(shuō)道，“噢，邁克爾，你不應(yīng)該在這里，我的丈夫很快就要回來(lái)了。”
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