搞笑英語(yǔ)笑話
笑話作為廣大人民群眾喜聞樂(lè)見(jiàn)的文學(xué)樣式,自誕生之日起就憑借其辛辣獨(dú)到的諷刺手法,夸張變形的藝術(shù)構(gòu)思以及背反邏輯的情節(jié)設(shè)想等語(yǔ)體特點(diǎn)而得到作家青睞。下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編帶來(lái)的英語(yǔ)幽默小故事，歡迎閱讀!
英語(yǔ)幽默小故事篇一
Only one eye to settle on 一眼看中
The girl found the go-between and said, "You cheated me! One of his eyes if not true. Why didn't you tell me this before?"
"I have told you." Said the go-between with justice on his side, "When you met first, I told you that he settled1 on you with one eye."
女孩找到媒人，說(shuō)：“你欺騙了我。 他的一只眼是假的，你以前為什么沒(méi)有告訴我?”
“我怎么沒(méi)告訴你?” 媒人不甘示弱，“你們第一次見(jiàn)面后，我就說(shuō)，他是一眼看中你的。”
英語(yǔ)幽默小故事篇二
The same service 同樣的服務(wù)
A man who had been married for ten years was consulting a marriage counselor1.
"When I was first married, I was very happy, I'd come home from a hard day down at the shop, and my little dog would race around barking, and my wife would bring me my slippers2. Now everything's changed. When I come home, my dog brings me my slippers, and my wife barks at me.”
"I don't know what you're complaining about," said the counselor, "You're still getting the same service."
有位結(jié)婚十年的男人，正向婚宴顧問(wèn)請(qǐng)教。
“新婚時(shí)我非常幸福。在市區(qū)的商店里累了一天，回到家里，小狗圍著我又跑又叫，妻子給我拿拖鞋?，F(xiàn)在一切都變了。 小狗給我叼來(lái)拖鞋，妻子對(duì)我又喊又叫。”
“我不知道你有什么可抱怨的，”顧問(wèn)說(shuō)，“你得到的服務(wù)還是同樣的嘛。”
英語(yǔ)幽默小故事篇三
Lifelong ambition 畢生愿望
In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light.
She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate1disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes.
A wild gleam came into the judges eye. "You are a school teacher, eh?" said he. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. Sit down at that table and write 'I went through a red light' five hundred times."
在中西部一個(gè)大城市的交通法庭里，一位年輕女士被帶到法官面前，她由于開(kāi)車闖紅燈被開(kāi)了罰單。
女士向法官解釋，她是一名學(xué)校老師，請(qǐng)求法官馬上處理她的案子，以便可以趕回去上課。
法官眼中閃過(guò)一絲狡黠，說(shuō)道：“你是學(xué)校的老師，對(duì)嗎?女士，我馬上要實(shí)現(xiàn)我畢生的愿望了。在那張桌子旁坐下，寫(xiě)500遍‘我開(kāi)車闖了紅燈’。”
英語(yǔ)幽默小故事篇四
Too traditional 太傳統(tǒng)
A Chinese emperor ordered one of his servants to find him a hundred-year-old egg.
Returning empty-handed, the servant explained, "No hundred-year-old eggs, Master, but I can get you a fifty-year-old egg."
"No, thanks, you know I hate instant1 food!" the emperor replied.
一位中國(guó)的皇帝命令他的仆人去給他弄一個(gè)有百年歷史的雞蛋來(lái)吃。
他的仆人空手而歸，對(duì)皇上解釋說(shuō)：“殿下，我找不到一百年的雞蛋，但我可以給你找到一個(gè)五十年的雞蛋。”
“不，那可不行，你知道我是討厭速食的。”
英語(yǔ)幽默小故事篇五
Hands off 不要?jiǎng)?/p>
A friend of mine was giving an important dinner party for her husband's business associates.
She put guest towels and soap in the bathroom, and, not wanting her teenagers to use them first, attached warning notes that read:"Use these, I'll kill you."
When the guests left after a successful evening, she went into the bathroom and xiaogushi8.com found towels and soap untouched…with her warning notes still on them.
我的一位朋友為他丈夫舉辦了一次很重要的業(yè)務(wù)往來(lái)交往招待會(huì)。
他把客人用的毛巾、香皂都放在洗澡間。為了不讓她的小孩們先把這些東西用了，她在上面貼了張條子。上面寫(xiě)著：用一下，我就殺了你們。
當(dāng)客人們度過(guò)一個(gè)很愉快的晚上滿意而去后，她來(lái)到洗澡間，發(fā)現(xiàn)毛巾和香皂都無(wú)人用過(guò)…因?yàn)樗N的條子還在上面。
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