經(jīng)典爆笑英語(yǔ)長(zhǎng)笑話大全
笑話是內(nèi)容豐富并具有出乎意料結(jié)尾的幽默口頭故事。笑話幾乎涵蓋人們生活的所有領(lǐng)域,其中包括政治笑話、經(jīng)濟(jì)笑話、家庭生活笑話、關(guān)于民族性格的笑話等。 下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編帶來(lái)的經(jīng)典爆笑英語(yǔ)長(zhǎng)笑話，歡迎閱讀!
經(jīng)典爆笑英語(yǔ)長(zhǎng)笑話篇一
NO Sweat!
不費(fèi)吹灰之力!
There were four passengers in the small aircraft as it sputtered over the Andes; abusinessman, an inventor, a priest and a laid -back budget traveller.
一架正飛越安第斯山脈的小飛機(jī)上坐著四名乘客：一名商人，一名發(fā)明家，一位神父和一個(gè)靠預(yù)算過(guò)日子、看起來(lái)懶懶散散的旅行者。
Suddenly the pilot entered the cabin and told them the horrible news: "Gentlemen, the plane isgoing down. I'm going to try to crash-land it, but you must all jump. "
突然，駕駛員走進(jìn)艙告訴他們可怕的消息：“各位先生，這架飛機(jī)正失控下降中，我要設(shè)法迫降，但你們必須先跳下飛機(jī)。”
Naturally, the men were horrified and even more so when they discovered that there were onlythree parachutes.
當(dāng)然，那幾個(gè)人都嚇得目瞪口呆，尤其是當(dāng)他們發(fā)現(xiàn)只有三個(gè)降落傘可以使用時(shí)，更是心驚膽戰(zhàn)。
The businessman said, "Sirs, I employ thousands of people. Their lives and those of theirfamilies depend on me. I think you'll agree that I must survive. " He promptly put on aparachute and leaped.
那名商人說(shuō)道：“各位先生，我雇用好幾千名員工，他們都要靠我養(yǎng)家活口，我想你們都同意我必須活著回去。”說(shuō)著他便穿上一具降落傘跳出飛機(jī)去。
The inventor rose, already adjusting the straps. "I'm the smartest man in the world. Myinventions have transformed the lives of millions. There’s no telling how much good I may yetdo. Goodbye. " And he, too, jumped from the plane.
接著發(fā)明家站了起來(lái)，調(diào)整了肩帶說(shuō)道：“我是世界上最聰明的人，我的發(fā)明改變了成千上萬(wàn)人的生活。我還會(huì)對(duì)大眾造多少福難以估計(jì)。再見(jiàn)了，各位!”他也跟著跳出機(jī)艙。
The priest was se.rene, and interrupted his prayers to speak to the traveller. "I am a rnan ofGod, my son; I have no fear of death. Take the last parachute and save your life. "
神父心平氣和，中斷禱告，對(duì)旅行者說(shuō)道：“小伙子，我是信奉上帝的人，我對(duì)死并不畏懼，剩下的降落傘你就拿去用，逃命去吧!”
"Hey, it,s cool, Father. There’ re still two parachutes left. The smartest man in tne world justjumped out of the plane wearing my backpack. "
“嘿，神父，真是太棒了!我們還有兩個(gè)降落傘。那個(gè)自稱(chēng)世界上最聰明的人背了我的背包跳出去了。”
經(jīng)典爆笑英語(yǔ)長(zhǎng)笑話篇二
Change of Plan
臨時(shí)改變主意
Frank and Fred had received their draft notices on the same day, and neither wanted to enterthe army.
法蘭克和佛烈德兩人同一天收到召集令，兩人都不想去服兵役。
But Frank had heard that the army would not accept anyone without teeth, so they both had alltheir teeth pulled.
但法蘭克曾經(jīng)聽(tīng)人說(shuō)軍中不收沒(méi)有牙齒的人，因此他們兩人都把所有的牙齒給拔掉了。
On the day of their medical exam, Frank and Fred got in line, but a huge, hairy, smelly truckdriver cut in between them.
在體格檢查那天，他們兩人排在同一排隊(duì)伍，可是有一個(gè)大塊頭、滿身毛發(fā)而且臭味難當(dāng)?shù)目ㄜ?chē)司機(jī)插在他們中間。
As Frank got up to the head of the line, he announced to the inspecting sergeant that he hadno teeth.
當(dāng)法蘭克排到隊(duì)伍的前頭時(shí)，他對(duì)檢查的班長(zhǎng)說(shuō)他沒(méi)有牙齒，
The sergeant had Frank open his mouth, ran his forefinger over the raw gums and said,
那名士官要他張開(kāi)嘴巴，接著用食指在他紅腫的牙齦繞了一圈后說(shuō)道：
"Sure enough, you don’t. You’re rejected. "
“沒(méi)錯(cuò)，你沒(méi)牙齒，不用當(dāng)兵!”
Turning to the truck driver, he asked, 'What's your problem?"
接著輪到卡車(chē)司機(jī)，士官說(shuō)：“你有什么問(wèn)題嗎?”
The trucker said, "I've got a tremendous case of the piles."
卡車(chē)司機(jī)說(shuō)道：“我患有嚴(yán)重的痔瘡。”
The sergeant had the fellow bend over, inserted his fore finger and rotated it aroundthoroughly,
班長(zhǎng)要那個(gè)家伙彎下身去，用他的食指在肛門(mén)轉(zhuǎn)了一整圈后說(shuō)道：
"Sure enough, you've got a bad case. Rejected!"
“沒(méi)錯(cuò)，你的情形很?chē)?yán)重，不合格!”
Turning to Fred, the sergeant demanded, "And what's your problem?"
再輪到佛烈德時(shí)，班長(zhǎng)又問(wèn)：“那你的問(wèn)題是什么?”
Staring at the forefinger, Fred replied, "Nothing at all, sergeant, nothing at all. "
凝視著他的食指，佛烈德答道：“沒(méi)什么問(wèn)題，班長(zhǎng)，我一點(diǎn)問(wèn)題也沒(méi)有。”
經(jīng)典爆笑英語(yǔ)長(zhǎng)笑話篇三
Keep Your Head
頭腦要保持冷靜!
A young man was working in the produce section of a grocery store when a customer askedhim for half a head of cabbage.
有一個(gè)年輕人在一家雜貨店的農(nóng)產(chǎn)部門(mén)工作，一天一位顧客要向他買(mǎi)半顆包心菜。
"Sir, we don't sell half heads of anything. "
“先生，我們東西都沒(méi)有賣(mài)半顆的。”
"Well, I insist, I 0nly want half a head. "
“哎呀，我就買(mǎi)半顆，我只要半顆。”
"I'll ask the manager. "
“我要問(wèn)問(wèn)經(jīng)理才行。”
The young man walked to the manager's office and, not realizing that the customer hadfollowed him, said to the manager,
那名年輕人走到經(jīng)理的辦公室，不知道那位顧客尾隨著他，他對(duì)經(jīng)理說(shuō)道：
"Sir, some asshole wants to buy just half a head of cabbage. "
“經(jīng)理，有個(gè)渾蛋只要買(mǎi)半顆包心菜。”
Turning and noticing the customer, he quickly added,
他轉(zhuǎn)身發(fā)現(xiàn)那名顧客，立刻又補(bǔ)充說(shuō)：
"And this gentleman wants the other half. "
“而這位先生要買(mǎi)另一半。”
Later, the manager took the young man aside and said,
稍后，經(jīng)理把他拉到一旁說(shuō)道：
"That was quick thinking, young fellow. We can use bright lads like you. If I hear of a higherposition opening up, I'll keep you in mind. "
“年輕人，你反應(yīng)真快。我們需要像你這么聰明的人，如果有較高的職位空缺，我會(huì)記得你的。”
Sure enough, a few weeks later the manager told the young man that an assistant manager'sspot had become vacant in the company's store in Edmonton.
幾個(gè)星期之后，經(jīng)理告訴那名年輕人在艾得蒙敦分店有個(gè)經(jīng)理的職位空缺。
"Edmonton!" blurted out the young man. "Why, there's nothing in Edmonton but hookers andhockey, event hockey players，
“艾得蒙敦!”年輕人叫了出來(lái)，“那兒有的只是妓女和曲棍球選手而已。”
"Young man , my wife happens to come from Edmonton! "
“年輕人，我太太剛好來(lái)自艾得蒙敦!”
"No kidding, sir? what posltion does she play?"
“真的嗎?經(jīng)理，那她是打哪一個(gè)位置呢?”
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