超簡(jiǎn)單的英語(yǔ)笑話精選

　　前蘇聯(lián)著名作家高爾基說(shuō)過(guò),“哪里有人,哪里就有笑聲。下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編帶來(lái)的超簡(jiǎn)單的英語(yǔ)笑話，歡迎閱讀!

　　超簡(jiǎn)單的英語(yǔ)笑話精選

　　Where Do You Want These Blinds

　　A drill sergeant ordered two young female recruits to paint a room in the barracks, stressing that they not get any paint on their uniforms. Doubtful they could avoid ruining their clothes, the women locked the door, stripped naked and painted in nude. After about an hour they heard a knock at the door . "Who is it?" asked one of the women.

　　"Blind man, "came the reply.

　　Seeing no harm in letting a blind man in, they opened the door.

　　"Wow, what knockouts!" the man said with surprise. "Now, where do you want these blinds?"

　　Notes:

　　(1) drill n .軍事訓(xùn)練;操練如： The soldiers were at drill in the barrack square.兵士們?cè)跔I(yíng)房的操場(chǎng)上操練。

　　(2) sergeant n.中士

　　(3) recruits n.新兵

　　(4) barracks n.兵營(yíng);營(yíng)房如：The barracks are quite new.那些營(yíng)房相當(dāng)新。

　　(5) doubtful adj.懷疑的;不能確定的

　　(6) ruin v.使毀滅;使敗壞

　　(7) strip v.脫下;除去

　　(8) nude n.裸體人像

　　(9) knockouts n.動(dòng)人的人或物

　　(10) blind adj.盲的;瞎的n.卷式窗簾

　　Exercises:

　　根據(jù)短文判斷下列句子正(T)、誤(F)：

　?、?Three young female recruits were ordered to paint the room.

　　② They were required not to get any paint on their uniforms.

　?、?The women painted the room in nude with the door unlocked.

　?、?The women thought a blind man could not see them naked.

　　⑤ "A blind man " in this passage refers to a man who makes or sends blinds.

　　窗簾掛于何處

　　一位軍事訓(xùn)練中士命令兩個(gè)年輕的女兵去油漆營(yíng)房里的一間屋子，并一再?gòu)?qiáng)調(diào)不得把漆弄到她們的制服上。她們很懷疑能不把衣服弄臟，所以就把門(mén)插上，脫了衣服，裸體在里面油漆。大約一個(gè)小時(shí)過(guò)后，她們聽(tīng)到有人敲門(mén)。

　　“誰(shuí)呀?”其中一女子問(wèn)。

　　“送窗簾的(與‘盲人’同音同詞----編者)，”來(lái)者答道。

　　她們覺(jué)得讓一個(gè)盲人進(jìn)來(lái)無(wú)妨，就開(kāi)了門(mén)。

　　“哇，多動(dòng)人的人兒呀!”那男子驚奇地說(shuō)，“現(xiàn)在你們想把窗簾掛在哪兒?”

　　練習(xí)參考答案：

　?、賂②T③F④T⑤T

　　超簡(jiǎn)單的英語(yǔ)笑話閱讀

　　Whose Dog Was the Smartest

　　Four friends were arguing over whose dog was the smartest. The first man, an engineer, called to his dog, "T Square, show your stuff. " The dog trotted over to a desk, pulled out a paper and pencil, and drew a perfect triangle.

　　The next guy, an accountant, called to his dog, "Slide Rule, go ahead. " The dog went to the kitchen, nibbled opened a bag of cookies and divided the contents into four equal piles.

　　The next man, a chemist, beckoned his dog, Beaker, to show what he could do. The dog went to the fridge, took out a quart of milk and poured out exactly eighty ounces into a measuring cup.

　　The last man was a government worker. "Coffee Break," he hollered to his dog, "go to it. " With that, the dog jumped to his feet, soiled the paper, ate the cookies and drank the milk.

　　Notes:

　　(1) do (show) your stuff顯顯你的本領(lǐng);露一手

　　(2) trot v. 疾走;快步走

　　(3) triangle n.三角形

　　(4) accountant n會(huì)計(jì)

　　(5) nibble v.輕咬

　　(6) beckon v.招手令他人走近或跟著來(lái)

　　(7) ounce n.盎司(重量單位，常衡為1/16磅)

　　(8) holler v.喊叫

　　(9) soil v.弄臟;弄污

　　Exercises:

　　根據(jù)短文回答問(wèn)號(hào)問(wèn)題：

　?、?What were the four friends arguing about?

　?、?What did the first man's dog do?

　　③ How many parts did the second man's dog divide the cookies into?

　?、?How much milk did the third man's dog pour into the measuring cup?

　?、?Can we find out whose dog was the smartest?

　　誰(shuí)的狗最聰明

　　四個(gè)朋友在為誰(shuí)的狗最聰明而爭(zhēng)吵。第一個(gè)人是個(gè)工程師，他對(duì)自己的狗喊道：“T形角，使出你的本領(lǐng)來(lái)。”這只狗便跑向一個(gè)書(shū)桌，拉出一張紙和一支鉛筆，畫(huà)出了一個(gè)完美的三角形。

　　第二個(gè)人是個(gè)會(huì)計(jì)。他對(duì)他的狗說(shuō)：“珠算法，上吧。”那狗直奔廚房，用嘴咬開(kāi)一袋甜餅并把餅分成了四等份。

　　第三個(gè)人是位藥劑師。他命令他的狗----量杯，表現(xiàn)一下。但見(jiàn)那狗徑直走向冰箱，叼出一瓶牛奶并精確地把八盎司牛奶倒入一個(gè)量杯中。

　　最后一位是政府職員。“休息時(shí)間，”他對(duì)自己的狗喊叫，“去吧。”話還未落，那狗便跳將起來(lái)，踏污了那張紙，吃掉了所有的甜餅，喝光了那杯牛奶。

　　練習(xí)參考答案：

　?、?They were arguing about whose dog was the smartest.

　?、?He drew a perfect triangle.

　　③ Four.

　?、?Eight ounces.

　?、?The fourth man's dog was the smartest.

　　超簡(jiǎn)單的英語(yǔ)笑話學(xué)習(xí)

　　What Will Be the Headline

　　When a man in Macon, Ga. , came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands. A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read, "Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal. "

　　The hero, however, told the journalist that he wasn't from Macon.

　　"Well, then," the reporter said, the headline will probably say, 'Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing Dog. '"

　　"Actually," the man said, "I'm from Connecticut."

　　"In that case," the reporter said in a huff, "the headline will read ,'Yankee Kills Family Pet.'"

　　Notes：

　　(1) Ga. Georgia的縮寫(xiě)(美國(guó)的)喬治亞州

　　(2) come upon 偶然遇見(jiàn)

　　(3) grab v.抓取;攬取

　　(4) throttle v.勒死;縊死

　　(5) congratulate v.祝賀

　　(6) vicious adj. 兇惡的

　　(7) Connecticut n.(美國(guó))康涅狄格州

　　(8) huff n.發(fā)怒

　　(9) Yankee n.(美國(guó)南北戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)中)北部諸州的人;北方佬

　　Excises:

　　根據(jù)短文回答問(wèn)題：

　?、?The man carne from Macon, Ga.

　　② The man killed the dog with a knife.

　?、?At first, the reporter was pleased with what the man had done.

　　④ The reporter thought that the man was a local person.

　?、?We can see from the passage that the reporter didn't like a person from Connecticut.

　　10.標(biāo)題是什么

　　一位男子在喬治亞州的麥根城遇到一條狗在襲擊一個(gè)男孩。他敏捷地用兩手卡住了狗的脖子并掐死了它。一位記者目睹了這件事，向這位男子表示祝賀并說(shuō)次日的新聞標(biāo)題將是：“本地男子殺惡畜救孩童”。

　　然而，這位英雄卻告訴記者他不是麥根人。

　　“那么，”記者說(shuō)，“標(biāo)題可能為‘喬治亞男子殺狗救孩童’。”

　　“實(shí)際上，”那男子道，“我是康涅狄格人。”

　　“這樣的話，”記者怒氣沖沖地說(shuō)，“標(biāo)題將是‘北方佬殺死家庭愛(ài)犬’。”

　　練習(xí)參考答案：

　　① F ② F ③ T ④ T ⑤ T