商務(wù)英語文章帶翻譯

　　隨著全球經(jīng)濟一體化的發(fā)展,商務(wù)英語在當今社會變得越來越重要。下面是學習啦小編帶來的商務(wù)英語文章帶翻譯，歡迎閱讀!

　　商務(wù)英語文章帶翻譯

　　World economy

　　The jobs crisis 失業(yè)危機

　　It’s coming, whatever governments do; but they can make it better or worse

　　不論政府如何努力，失業(yè)危機已經(jīng)到來。不過政府可以在這場危機中起到關(guān)鍵作用

　　Illustration by Belle Mellor

　　NOTHING evokes the misery of mass unemployment more than the photographs of the Depression. You can see it in the drawn faces of the men, in their shabby clothes, in their eyes. Their despair spawned political extremism that left a stain on society; but it also taught subsequent generations that public policy has a vital part in alleviating the suffering of those who cannot get work. Thanks to welfare schemes and unemployment benefits, many of which have their origins in those dark days, joblessness no longer plunges people into destitution, at least in the developed world.

　　再沒有什么比關(guān)于經(jīng)濟大蕭條的照片更能讓人體會大量失業(yè)的痛苦。這種痛苦顯見于人們緊繃的面容，襤褸的衣衫，還有他們的眼神。由人們的絕望所引發(fā)的政治極端主義給社會留下污點;失業(yè)問題也使后人懂得公共政策在減輕失業(yè)痛苦方面所起到的重要作用。很多福利計劃和失業(yè)救濟金方案都發(fā)軔于那些灰暗的失業(yè)時期;受惠于這些計劃，至少發(fā)達國家的人們不再因為失業(yè)而陷入窮困。

　　Not even the gloomiest predict that today’s slump will approach the severity of the Depression, which shrank America’s economy by more than a quarter, and put a quarter of the working-age population out of a job. But with the world in its deepest recession since the 1930s and global trade shrinking at its fastest pace in 80 years, the misery of mass unemployment looms nonetheless, and raises the big question posed in the Depression: what should governments do?

　　即使是最悲觀的預計都不認為眼下的衰退會接近大蕭條的程度，后者使美國經(jīng)濟縮水四分之一，四分之一的就業(yè)人口失去工作。但隨著世界經(jīng)濟出現(xiàn)自1930年代以來的最大幅度衰退以及全球貿(mào)易80年來的最快速萎縮，大規(guī)模失業(yè)的惡魘再度凸顯，并且拋出了和大蕭條時期一樣的大問題：政府應(yīng)該做些什么?

　　Join the queue 加入失業(yè)隊伍

　　In the rich world the job losses are starkest in America, where the recession began. Its flexible labour market has shed 4.4m jobs since the downturn began in December 2007, including more than 600,000 in each of the past three months. The unemployment rate jumped to 8.1% in February, the highest in a quarter-century. An American who loses his job today has less of a chance of finding another one than at any time since records began half a century ago. That is especially worrying when the finances of many households have come to depend on two full incomes.

　　富裕國家的失業(yè)問題在衰退肇始的美國最為顯著。自從07年12月經(jīng)濟陷入低迷以來，美國靈活的勞動力市場已經(jīng)溢出了440萬份失業(yè)，其中在過去三個月內(nèi)每月產(chǎn)生了60萬份。二月的失業(yè)率躍升至8.1%，是25年來的最高數(shù)字。比起有紀錄的半個世紀內(nèi)的任何時期，眼下失業(yè)的美國人更難再找到一份工作。特別是當很多家庭的財政依靠雙職工收入的時候，這種情況尤其令人堪憂。

　　But it is already clear that unemployment will strike hard far beyond America and Britain. In Japan output is plunging faster than in other rich economies. Although unemployment is low, rapid job losses among Japan’s army of temporary workers are exposing the unfairness of a two-tier labour market and straining an egalitarian society.

　　然而顯而易見的是，失業(yè)問題的沉重打擊遠不止于美國和英國。日本的生產(chǎn)量比其他富裕經(jīng)濟體下降得更快。盡管失業(yè)率尚低，但臨時工當中快速增長的失業(yè)大軍顯示了“雙層勞工市場”的不公平性，加劇了一個平等社會中的緊張。

　　In Europe joblessness has grown fastest in places such as Spain and Ireland, where building booms have crashed, but has only begun to edge up elsewhere. The unemployment rates in many European countries are below America’s, but that may be because their more rigid labour markets adjust more slowly to falling demand. Given how fast European economies are shrinking, nobody doubts that worse lies ahead. By the end of 2010, unemployment in much of the rich world is likely to be above 10%.

　　在歐洲，建筑業(yè)熱潮遭遇重創(chuàng)的西班牙和愛爾蘭等國失業(yè)速度增長最快，而在其他地方則初現(xiàn)端倪。很多歐洲國家的失業(yè)率都低于美國，但也許這只是因為它們有更加嚴格的勞工市場，從而對下降的市場需求適應(yīng)更慢。面對著快速萎縮的歐洲經(jīng)濟，沒有人會懷疑更糟糕的就業(yè)局面就在眼前。到2010年底，多數(shù)富裕國家的失業(yè)率可能會超過10%。

　　In the emerging world the pattern will be different, but the outcome more painful. As trade shrinks, millions of workers are losing their foothold on the bottom rungs of the global supply chain. Poverty will rise as they sink into informal work or move back to the land. The World Bank expects some 53m people to fall below the level of extreme poverty this year.

　　發(fā)展中國家的情況就不一樣了，只不過結(jié)果會更人頭疼。隨著貿(mào)易萎縮，數(shù)以百萬計的工人正失去他們在全球供應(yīng)鏈條底端的立錐之地。他們轉(zhuǎn)向非正式工作或者回到農(nóng)村，伴隨而來的是貧困問題的抬頭。世界銀行預計，今年將有約5300萬人降到極端貧困線以下。

　　Politics dictates that governments must intervene energetically to help. That’s partly because capital has taken such a large share of profits for so many years that the pendulum is bound to swing back and partly because, having just given trillions of dollars to the banks, politicians will be under pressure to put vast amounts of money into saving jobs. But help cannot be measured in dollars alone. Badly designed policies can be self-defeating. After the recessions of the 1970s and early 1980s, Europe’s rigid labour-markets kept unemployment high for decades.

　　政治上，政府必須全力介入進行援助。這一方面是因為多年以來資本在利潤中占去了很大份額，重心注定要返回;另一方面是因為給了銀行萬億計美元的當政者們承擔著巨大的壓力，需要大量注資來挽救就業(yè)崗位。然而挽救不能僅以美元來衡量。錯誤的決策反倒會弄巧成拙。自1970年代和1980年代初期的經(jīng)濟衰退以來，歐洲缺乏靈活度的勞動力市場就使失業(yè)率幾十年來居高不下。

　　Governments are piling in with short-term help for workers. In America, which has one of the lowest social safety nets in the rich world, extending unemployment benefits was, rightly, part of the recent stimulus package. Japan is giving social assistance to “non regular” workers, a group that has long been ignored. In general, however, it makes more sense to pay companies to keep people in work than to subsidise unemployment. Many countries are topping up the earnings of workers on shortened weeks or forced leave.

　　各國政府正為勞動者提供大量的短期援助。美國的社會保障體系在富裕國家中處于最低，而最近出臺的經(jīng)濟刺激計劃中，擴大失業(yè)救濟金惠及面恰恰是計劃中的一部分。日本為長期以來受忽視的“非固定”勞動者群體提供社會援助。不過總的來說，比起失業(yè)補助，資助企業(yè)以留住員工才是明智之舉。很多國家通過縮短每周工作日或強制休假來滿足勞工薪資。

　　These are sensible measures, so long as they are time-limited; for, in the short term, governments need to do all they can to sustain demand. But the jobs crisis, alas, is unlikely to be short-lived. Even if the recession ends soon (and there is little sign of that happening), the asset bust and the excessive borrowing that led to it are likely to overshadow the world economy for many years to come. Moreover, many of yesterday’s jobs, from Spanish bricklayer to Wall Street trader, are not coming back. People will have to shift out of old occupations and into new ones.

　　這些措施在一定時限內(nèi)是合理的：因為在短期內(nèi)，政府需要盡全力維持需求。只是哎呀，就業(yè)危機不大可能只在短期

　　內(nèi)存在。即便經(jīng)濟衰退很快結(jié)束(而且?guī)缀醪豢赡馨l(fā)生)，引起這場危機的陰云——資金短缺和過度借貸——將在接下來繼續(xù)籠罩世界經(jīng)濟長達數(shù)年。更有甚者，不論是西班牙的砌磚匠還是華爾街的交易員，很多昔日的就業(yè)崗位會一去不復返。人們將被迫告別現(xiàn)有職位，轉(zhuǎn)行進入新崗位。

　　A difficult dance 艱難的舞步

　　Over the next couple of years, politicians will have to perform a difficult policy U-turn; for, in the long term, they need flexible labour markets. That will mean abolishing job-subsidy programmes, taking away protected workers’ privileges and making it easier for businesses to restructure by laying people off. Countries such as Japan, with two-tier workforces in which an army of temporary workers with few protections toil alongside mollycoddled folk with many, will need to narrow that disparity by making the latter easier to fire.

　　在接下來的幾年中，政治家們不得不做出一個180度的艱難政策轉(zhuǎn)變：因為從長遠來看，他們需要一個靈活的勞動力市場。這意味著廢除工作補貼計劃，去除受保護勞工的特權(quán)，以及幫助企業(yè)更方便地裁員從而進行重組。像日本這樣具有雙層勞動力結(jié)構(gòu)的國家，大量埋頭苦干的臨時勞工缺乏就業(yè)保障，而被嬌生慣養(yǎng)的上層員工卻能享受到多重保護。這種差別需要通過嚴格上層員工的裁汰制度加以消除。

　　The euphemism for that is “flexibility”. The bare truth is that the more easily jobs can be destroyed, the more easily new ones can be created. The programmes that help today, by keeping people in existing jobs, will tomorrow become a drag on the great adjustment that lies ahead. As time goes by, spending on keeping people in old jobs will need to be cut, and replaced with spending on training them for new ones. Governments will have to switch from policies to support demand to policies to make their labour markets more flexible. That is going to require fancy political footwork; but politicians will have to perform those steps, because if they fail to, they will stifle growth.

　　這些措施可以委婉地概括為“靈活性”措施。更直白的事實是，現(xiàn)有工作越容易被廢棄，新工作就越容易被創(chuàng)造。眼下這些保住人們飯碗的援助計劃會在今后成為調(diào)整適應(yīng)今后形勢的拖累。隨著時間推移，用在保留人員舊崗位的指出需要削減，取而代之的是為新崗位培養(yǎng)勞動者的開支。各國政府需要從支持需求的政策轉(zhuǎn)變?yōu)榻ㄔO(shè)一個更靈活的勞動力市場。這種轉(zhuǎn)變需要富有想象力的政治謀劃，但確實當政者們必須完成的步驟：因為如果他們不這樣做，增長將被遏制。

　　However well governments design their policies, unemployment is going to rise sharply, for some time. At best it will blight millions of lives for years. The politicians’ task is to make sure the misery is not measured in decades.

　　然而，不論政府政策制定的多么完美，失業(yè)率在一段時間內(nèi)仍將陡增。不過充其量它會在幾年內(nèi)讓數(shù)百萬人的生計陷于困境。當政者的任務(wù)是不要讓這場不幸延續(xù)數(shù)十年。

　　(二)

　　China's trade

　　Surplus to requirements 順差的需要

　　Why is China’s trade surplus growing when its exports have collapsed?

　　為什么中國的出口大幅下降時，貿(mào)易順差卻在增長?

　　THIS week revised figures revealed that China overtook Germany in 2007 to become the world’s third-biggest economy. At the start of last year China also looked set to become the world’s biggest exporter, but a slump in exports in the final months of the year meant they remained smaller than Germany’s. China’s exports tumbled by 13% (in dollar terms) in the fourth quarter, leaving them 3% lower in December than a year earlier. Despite this, China’s trade surplus rose to a record 7 billion at an annual rate in the fourth quarter—50% bigger than in the same period of 2007. What is going on?

　　本周，修正后的數(shù)字顯示中國在2007年已經(jīng)超越德國成為世界第三大經(jīng)濟體。在去年初，中國也目標成為世界上最大的出口國，但是年末數(shù)月出口的大幅下落意味著他們?nèi)匀慌旁诘聡蟆０凑彰涝獊碛嬎?，中國的出口額在第四季度下降了13%，比一年前同期少了3%。盡管如此，中國的貿(mào)易順差在第四季度卻以全年增速上升到創(chuàng)紀錄的4570億美元，比2007年同期增長了50%。這其中到底有何玄機?

　　In the first half of 2008 China’s trade surplus did indeed shrink (see chart). But since then, although exports slumped, imports fell by much more—down by 21% in the 12 months to December. The slide in both exports and imports was exacerbated by the global credit freeze, which has made it harder for companies around the world to get letters of credit to guarantee payment. Imports were also dragged down by cheaper oil and commodity prices, and by weaker imports of materials and components used to make exports (over 50% of total imports).

　　2008年上半年，中國的貿(mào)易順差確實出現(xiàn)了縮水(見表)。但是自那以后，盡管出口大跌，但是進口跌的更慘——到12月時，12個月內(nèi)下跌了21%。進出口雙雙下滑由于受到全球信貸停滯影響而加劇。這是因為信用凍結(jié)導致全世界的公司更加難以獲得信用證從而保證支付。出口同樣也受到拖累，其下跌主要是由于更廉價的原油和商品價格，以及原材料和用于出口產(chǎn)品的部件進口(占到進口總量的50%以上)表現(xiàn)疲軟。

　　But a more worrying reason why China bought less from the rest of the world is that its domestic demand has weakened. Consumer spending and manufacturing investment have so far held up reasonably well, but construction—a big user of imported raw materials—has collapsed.

　　但是關(guān)于中國進口下降的一個更令人憂慮的原因是：中國的國內(nèi)需求減小。消費支出和生產(chǎn)投資目前的收縮尚且適當，但是建筑業(yè)作為進口原材料的使用大戶也出現(xiàn)了急劇下滑。

　　With most of the world in recession, China’s exports will continue to slide this year. Nomura forecasts a drop of 6%—the first annual decline for more than 25 years. Imports, on the other hand, are expected to increase. By mid-year, the government’s planned massive increase in infrastructure spending will boost imports of raw materials and machinery. If so, China’s trade surplus will shrink in 2009.

　　隨著全球大部分地區(qū)陷入衰退，中國的出口今年將繼續(xù)下滑。野村證券預測的下滑是6%，為25年來的首次下滑。另一方面，進口預計將增長。到年中時，政府計劃的基礎(chǔ)設(shè)施投入大幅增長將會推動原材料和機械進口。這樣的話，中國2009年的貿(mào)易順差將會縮水。

　　The collapse in exports and the consequent job losses in southern China have triggered speculation that the government might try to push down the value of the yuan. But not only would this provoke a protectionist backlash from America’s new government, it would also do little to help producers. China’s problem is weak foreign demand, not competitiveness. The best way for China to support its economy—and to help unwind global trade imbalances—is to bolster domestic demand.

　　出口劇減加上隨之而來的中國南方的失業(yè)會導致政府考慮人民幣貶值。但這將不僅激起美國新政府的保護主義反彈，對生產(chǎn)者也幫助甚小。中國的問題是在于疲軟的國外需求，而不是競爭力。支持中國經(jīng)濟乃至幫助全球貿(mào)易擺脫不平衡的方法，是加強內(nèi)需。

　　One piece of good news this week is that, following interest-rate cuts and the government’s scrapping of credit restrictions, total bank loans jumped by 19% in the 12 months to December, up from growth of 14% last summer. China is perhaps the only big economy where credit growth has heated up in recent months. If that is sustained, it could help to boost domestic spending.

　　本周的一個好消息是：隨著減息和政府去除信貸限制，銀行信貸總額到12月的12個月中從去年夏天的14%猛增19%。

　　中國也許是最近幾個月內(nèi)世界大經(jīng)濟體中唯一出現(xiàn)信貸增長加速的地方。如果增速持續(xù)，它將促進內(nèi)需支出。

　　China certainly cannot rely on exports any more. Becoming the world’s biggest exporter will be of little comfort if global trade is spiralling downwards.

　　中國決不能再依賴出口。如果全球貿(mào)易持續(xù)下降，成為世界最大的出口國亦將無益。

　　(三)

　　China's stimulus

　　Got a light? 經(jīng)濟復蘇已被點燃?

　　China’s big fiscal package may be starting to work

　　中國龐大的財政措施可能已經(jīng)起效

　　“ONLY when all contribute their firewood can they build up a strong fire,” says a Chinese proverb. With the world economy in its worst crisis in 70 years, every country needs to do its bit to rekindle global demand. The American government, which plans to run a budget deficit of 12% of GDP this year, has called on its Group of 20 partners to do more. Is China one of the misers? Its budget, published last week, showed that it plans to run a deficit of only 3% of GDP. Was the 4 trillion yuan (6 billion) infrastructure package unveiled last November, worth 14% of GDP, a sham?

　　中國有句民諺：“眾人拾柴火焰高。”隨著世界經(jīng)濟陷入70年以來的最大危機，要重燃全球需求之火，各國都責無旁貸。美國政府計劃今年運行占國內(nèi)生產(chǎn)總值12%的財政赤字，并號召二十國集團的伙伴們作出更多行動。中國是其中的吝嗇鬼嗎?它在上周公布的預算顯示，中國計劃運行的財政赤字只占GDP的3%。難道去年十一月公布的4億元用于基礎(chǔ)設(shè)施建設(shè)的措施——相當于GDP的14%——僅僅是在忽悠?

　　Beijing’s stimulus is smaller than the number announced last year, but it is still the biggest in the world. The fact that America is set to run a budget deficit four times the size of China’s as a share of GDP does not mean its demand stimulus is bigger; America started this year with a much bigger deficit. America’s deficit will increase by more than China’s this year, largely because it is suffering a deeper recession which will depress tax revenue. The correct measure of a fiscal stimulus is the change in the budget deficit adjusted for the impact of the economic cycle.

　　北京的刺激計劃小于去年公布的數(shù)字，但這依然是世界范圍內(nèi)最大的經(jīng)濟刺激方案。盡管美國運行的財政赤字是中國的四倍，但這并不意味著它的需求性刺激計劃就更大。美國從今年開始就保持了巨大的財政赤字，并且年內(nèi)赤字增長將高于中國。這主要是因為美國遭受的經(jīng)濟衰退極大地減少了稅收。財政刺激方案的正確措施應(yīng)該是調(diào)整財政赤字以適應(yīng)經(jīng)濟圈的沖擊。

　　In China, however, even this would understate the true stimulus, because some public-infrastructure investment will be done by state-owned firms or local governments and financed by banks. Tao Wang of UBS estimates that new infrastructure investment, tax cuts, consumer subsidies and increased spending on health care will amount to a stimulus by the central government of about 3% of GDP in 2009. Adding in bank-financed infrastructure spending might lift the total to 4% of GDP.

　　然而在中國，經(jīng)濟赤字掩蓋了真實的刺激方案，因為一些公共基礎(chǔ)設(shè)施投資是由銀行提供資金、國有公司或地方政府實施的。瑞銀的陶旺(音)預計，新的基礎(chǔ)設(shè)施建設(shè)、減稅、消費補貼以及醫(yī)療方面的投資增長將構(gòu)成總額占到GDP3%的09年中央政府刺激方案。如果加上由銀行提供資金支持的基建支出，整個刺激方案將占到GDP的4%。

　　Chinese investment in railways, roads and power grids is already booming. In the first two months of this year, total fixed investment was 30% higher in real terms than a year earlier, and investment in railways tripled. China has been much criticised for focusing its stimulus on investment, rather than consumption, but in China in the short term this is the quickest way to boost domestic demand.

　　中國在鐵路、公路和電網(wǎng)方面的投資已經(jīng)大規(guī)模展開。今年頭兩個月內(nèi)，固定投資總額較去年同期增長30%，鐵路投資增長了3倍。很多批評認為，中國的刺激方案集中于投資而不是消費，但就短期來看，在中國這是提高國內(nèi)需求最立竿見影的方式。

　　What about the other tool for boosting domestic spending, namely monetary policy? Since the start of last year, China has cut its interest rates by only half as much as America’s Federal Reserve has. New figures showing that consumer prices fell by

　　1.6% in the year to February have brought the first whiff of deflation, suggesting that China has not done enough to boost demand. But this is not true deflation, where falling prices are accompanied by shrinking money supply and credit. Bank lending grew by 24% over the past year. The true gauge of monetary easing is not the cut in interest rates, but whether it succeeds in spurring new lending. China is one of the few countries in the world where credit has accelerated since the start of the global credit crunch—though some of the lending is of the state-directed sort.

　　那么作為提高國內(nèi)消費另一手段的貨幣政策又運用的怎樣?從去年年初開始，中國已經(jīng)將利率砍到美聯(lián)儲的一半。新的統(tǒng)計數(shù)字顯示，到二月，消費品價格較去年下降了1.6%，從而帶來了第一輪通貨緊縮。這似乎意味著中國在提高需求方面做的尚且不夠。但其實，這并不是真正的通貨緊縮。真正的通縮情況下，貨幣供應(yīng)和信貸會隨著物價下降而萎縮。去年，銀行借貸增長了24%。對銀根放松的正確估量并非基于利率，而是其是否成功刺激新的借貸產(chǎn)生。中國作為世界上少有的幾個國家，其借貸規(guī)模在全球信貸危機爆發(fā)后不降反升——盡管部分借貸是在國家指導下進行的。

　　China has not only accomplished considerable fiscal and monetary easing. By allowing the yuan to rise by 18% in trade-weighted terms over the past 12 months, Beijing is passing on some of that boost to the rest of the world.

　　中國不僅完成了規(guī)模可觀的財政和銀根放松計劃，還通過讓人民幣在過去12個月內(nèi)升值18%(貿(mào)易加權(quán)考慮在內(nèi))，部分促進了世界貨幣經(jīng)濟增長。

　　The real question is whether China’s stimulus is big enough? Exports fell by a sharper-than-expected 26% in the year to February and may yet drop further. The 12-month rate of growth in industrial production also dropped to only 3.8% in the first two months of 2009, and retail-sales growth slowed to 15%. But there are some tentative signs of a recovery in domestic demand. As well as the increases in investment and bank lending, car sales and electricity consumption have picked up. Mingchun Sun of Nomura reckons that the stimulus will be enough to achieve 8% growth this year. But the government has made it clear that if the economy remains feeble, it will supply another fiscal boost.

　　真正的問題是：中國的貿(mào)易刺激方案數(shù)量是否已經(jīng)夠大?到今年二月，年出口額下降遠超預期，達26%，并且可能繼續(xù)下挫。工業(yè)生產(chǎn)12個月增幅在09年頭兩個月已將至3.8%，零售業(yè)增長放緩至15%。但是仍然有一些國內(nèi)需求復蘇的暫時性指標。除了投資和銀行貸款增長外，汽車銷售和電力消費同樣得到提振。野村證券的孫明春(音)認為，經(jīng)濟刺激方案能夠?qū)崿F(xiàn)8%的年度經(jīng)濟增長。但是政府已經(jīng)明確表示，如果經(jīng)濟持續(xù)疲軟，將會提供另外的財政提振方案。

　　Such injections may be able to drag growth back to 8% this year, but they cannot keep the economy running at this pace if global demand remains depressed. The need for China to shift the mix of growth from exports to consumption has become more urgent. Chinese officials are right to say that it will take years for higher public spending on health care and a social safety net to reduce household saving—all the more reason to speed up such policies. If not, even China’s fire could burn out.

　　這些注入或許可以把今年的經(jīng)濟增長拉回到8%，但如果全球需求持續(xù)悲觀，增速便難以維持。對于中國而言，出口轉(zhuǎn)內(nèi)銷的需要已經(jīng)更加緊迫。中國官員正確地表示，將會用數(shù)年時間增量投資公共衛(wèi)生和社保體系以降低居民存款，使得這些政策的加速實施更加名正言順。否則，即便是中國的經(jīng)濟火焰也會被撲滅。

　　商務(wù)英語文章帶翻譯

　　How to Attend a Meeting會議妙訣

　　To really succeed in a business or organization, it is sometimes helpful to know what your job is, and whether it involves any duties. Ask among your coworkers. "Hi," you should say. "I'm a new employee. What is the name of my job?" If they answer "long-range planner" or "lieutenant governor," you are pretty much free to lounge around and do crossword puzzles until retirement. Most jobs, however, will require some work.

　　There are two major kinds of work in modern organizations:

　　Taking phone messages for people who are in meetings, and, going to meetings.

　　Your ultimate career strategy will be to get a job involving primarily No. 2, going to meetings, as soon as possible, because that's where the real prestige is. It is all very well and good to be able to take phone messages, but you are never going to get a position of power, a position where you can cost thousands of people their jobs with a single bonehead decision, unless you learn how to attend meetings.

　　The first meeting ever was held was back in the Mezzanine Era1. In those days, Man's job was to slay his prey and bring it home for Woman, who had to figure out how to cook it. The problem was, Man was slow and basically naked, whereas the prey had warm fur and could run like an antelope. (In fact it was an antelope, only nobody knew this.)

　　At last someone said, "Maybe if we just sat down and did some brainstorming, we could come up with a better way to hunt our prey!" It went extremely well, plus it was much warmer sitting in a circle, so they agreed to meet again the next day,and the next.

　　But the women pointed out that the men had not produced anything, and the human race was pretty much starving. The men agreed that was serious and said they would put it right near the top of their "agenda". At this point, the women, who were primitive but not stupid, started eating plants, and thus modern agriculture was born. It never would have happened without meetings.

　　The modern business meeting, however, might better be compared with a funeral, in the sense that you have a gathering of people who are wearing uncomfortable clothing and would rather be somewhere else. The major difference is that most funerals have a definite purpose. Also, nothing is really ever buried in a meeting.

　　An idea may look dead, but it will always reappear at another meeting later on. If you have ever seen the movie, Night of the Living Dead2, you have a rough idea of how modern meetings operate, with projects and proposals that everyone thought were killed rising up constantly from their graves to stagger back into meetings and eat the brains of the living.

　　There are two major kinds of meetings:

　　A. Meetings that are held for basically the same reason that Arbor Day is observed --- namely, tradition. For example, a lot of managerial people like to meet on Monday, because it's Monday. You'll get used to it. You'd better, because this kind account for 83% of all meetings (based on a study in which I wrote down numbers until one of them looked about right). This type of meeting operates the way "Show and Tell"3 does in nursery school, with everyone getting to say something, the difference being that in nursery school, the kids actually have something to say.

　　When it's your turn, you should say that you're still working on whatever it is you're supposed to be working on. This may seem pretty dumb, since obviously you'd be working on whatever you're supposed to be working on, and even if you weren't, you'd claim you were, but that's the traditional thing for everyone to say. It would be a lot faster if the person running the meeting would just say, "Everyone who is still working on what he or she is supposed to be working on, raise your hand." You'd be out of there in five minutes, even allowing for jokes. But this is not how we do it in America. My guess is, it's how they do it in Japan.

　　B. Meetings where there is some alleged purpose. These are trickier, because what you do depends on what the purpose is. Sometimes the purpose is harmless, like someone wants to show slides of pie charts4 and give everyone a big, fat report. All you have to do in this kind of meeting is sit there and have elaborate fantasies, then take the report back to your office and throw it away, unless, of course, you're a vice president, in which case you write the name of a subordinate in the upper right hand corner, followed by a question mark, like this: "Norm?" Then you send it to Norm and forget all about it (although it will plague Norm for the rest of his career).

　　But sometimes you got to meetings where the purpose is to get your "input" on so mething. This is very serious because what it means is, they want to make sure that in case whatever it is turns out to be stupid or fatal, you'll get some of the blame, so you have to escape from the meeting before they get around to asking you anything. One way is to set fire to your tie.

　　Another is to have an accomplice interrupt the meeting and announce that you have a phone call from someone very important, such as the president of the company or the Pope. It should be one or the other. It would sound fishy if the accomplice said, "You have a call from the president of the company, or the Pope."

　　You should know how to take notes at a meeting. Use a yellow legal pad. At the top, write the date and underline it twice. Now wait until an important person, such as your boss, starts talking; when he does, look at him with an expression of enraptured interest, as though he is revealing the secrets of life itself. Then write inter-locking rectangles like this:

　　If it is an especially lengthy meeting, you can try something like this:

　　If somebody falls asleep in a meeting, have everyone else leave the room. Then collect a group of total strangers, right off the street, and have them sit around the sleeping person until he wakes up. Then have one of them say to him, "Bob, your plan is very, very risky. However, you've given us no choice but to try it. Ionly hope, for your sake, that you know what you're getting yourself into." Thenthey should file quietly out of the room.

　　要想在某個公司或機構(gòu)中真正取得成功，了解自己的工作是什么，有什么責任，有時會對你有所幫助。問問周圍的同事，你

　　說：“嗨，我是新來的。我的職務(wù)是什么?”如果他們的回答是“遠期計劃員”或“副州長”，那么你大可四處閑逛，玩字謎游戲玩到退休。不過，大多數(shù)工作還是需要你做點什么的。

　　現(xiàn)代的機構(gòu)中有兩類主要的工作：

　　為正在出席會議的人記電話留言，以及——出席會議。

　　你的根本擇業(yè)策略應(yīng)該是盡快去找一個主要涉及第2項——出席會議的工作，因為這才是真正名望的所在。當然，能給別人記電話留言也不錯。但是，除非你學會怎么出席會議，否則，你將永遠得不到大權(quán)在握的位置，那種你的一個愚蠢決定就能讓千萬人丟掉飯碗的位置。

　　有史以來的第一次會議可上溯到“夾生代”時期。那時候，男人的工作就是捕殺獵物并把它帶回給家里的女人，后者負責解決如何烹制的問題。問題是，男人行動緩慢，基本上是一絲不掛，而獵物卻有溫暖的毛皮，跑得像羚羊一般飛快。(實際上那就是一只羚羊，只不過沒人知道而已。)

　　最后有人說了：“我們干脆坐下來集體出出主意，這樣說不定能找到更好的辦法來捕捉獵物!”聚會進行得非常順利，而且坐成一圈還要暖和許多，所以他們約定第二天再次碰面，如是日復一日。

　　但是，女人說了，男人沒有帶回來任何東西，人類快要餓死了。男人也認為形勢嚴峻，并表示將把這一事項列入“議程表”的最前列。到了這一步，簡單卻不愚蠢的女人只好開始以植物為食，現(xiàn)代農(nóng)業(yè)就此誕生。要是沒有會議，這一切就不可能發(fā)生。

　　不過，現(xiàn)代的商務(wù)會議更像是一場葬禮：與會人員穿著不舒服的衣裝，心里面巴不得能去別的什么地方。其間的主要區(qū)別在于大多數(shù)葬禮都有一個明確的目的。此外，在會議上從來不會真的有什么東西被埋葬。

　　某種意見可能看似已經(jīng)咽了氣，但它總會在此后的某個會議再次露面。如果你曾經(jīng)看過《活死人之夜》這部電影，你就會對現(xiàn)代會議的運行方式有一個粗略的概念：所有人都認為已經(jīng)死掉了的計劃和建議不斷從墳墓中爬出來，搖搖晃晃重新走進會議當中，吃掉活人的大腦。

　　會議主要分為兩種類型：

　　一、基本上跟過植樹節(jié)一樣的會議，也就是說，只是一個傳統(tǒng)。比如說，許多管理人員愛在星期一開會，就因為這天是星期一。你會習慣的，而且最好得習慣，因為這樣的會議占所有會議的83%(這一數(shù)字來自我所作的一項研究，就是不斷寫出數(shù)字，直到其中一個看起來像那么回事為止)。這種會議按照幼兒園里的“秀秀說說” 模式進行，每一個與會者都要說點什么。它與“秀秀說說”的區(qū)別在于：孩子們確實有東西要說。

　　輪到你說話的時候，你應(yīng)該說自己還在干著不管是什么反正是該干的工作。這看起來相當白癡，因為很顯然你是在干著自己該干的工作，就算不是，也會說是。但這是所有人按例該說的事情。如果主持會議的人肯這么說：“所有還在干著自己該干的事的人請舉手”，那么會就要開得快得多。算上插科打諢的時間，你也可以在5分鐘之內(nèi)開完會。但是我們美國人不是這么干的。我猜這是日本人的做法。

　　二、據(jù)說有某種目的的會議。這種情形就比較復雜了，因為你該做什么取決于會議的目的是什么。有時候，會議的目的無傷大雅，比如是有人想放點餅圖幻燈片并發(fā)給大家一份又大又厚的報告。你在這種會議中要做的只是坐在那里發(fā)精彩的白日夢，然后把報告拿回辦公室再一扔了之。當然，如果你是一位副總裁的話，情況就有所不同了。在這種情形下你應(yīng)該在報告的右上角寫上一個下屬的名字，再添上一個問號，就像這樣：“諾姆?”然后你把它交給諾姆并把這事忘到九霄云外(盡管這會給諾姆此后的事業(yè)帶來無盡煩惱)。

　　但是，有些時候會議的目的是讓你對某個事情“發(fā)表”點你的想法。這種情形實在嚴重，因為這意味著他們其實是想肯定，萬一出了什么愚蠢或是致命的差錯，你也要背上一部分黑鍋。因此你必須在他們有機會來問你任何事情之前逃離會議，其中一個辦法是把自己的領(lǐng)帶點著了。

　　另一種辦法是找一個同伙來打斷會議，宣稱有重要人物給你打電話，比如說本公司總裁或者教皇。只能是其中之一，因為要是你的同伙這樣說就會顯得很可疑：“有人打電話給你，是本公司總裁，或者教皇。”

　　你要懂得怎樣作會議記錄。用一本黃色的便簽簿，在頂頭寫上日期，再在下面劃雙橫線，然后開始等待，直到有重要人物——比如說你的老板——開始講話。在他講話的時候，你要帶著充滿濃厚興趣的表情看著他，就像他是在揭露生命本身的秘密一樣。然后，在紙上畫類似這樣的互相交錯的長方形：

　　如果這是一個特別冗長的會議，你可以試試這樣的東西：

　　如果有人開會時睡著了，就讓其他人都離開會議室。然后就在大街上找一群完全陌生的人，讓他們坐在夢中人周圍。等到他醒來的時候，就讓其中一個人對他說：“鮑勃，你的計劃風險非常、非常之大。但是，你讓我們沒得選擇，只能去嘗試了。為你考慮，我只希望你明白你把自己置于了什么樣的境地。”然后，這些人應(yīng)該魚貫而出，悄然地離開會議室。