村上春樹雙語散文：國境以南,太陽以西
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村上春樹雙語散文：國境以南,太陽以西
In the six years I went to elementary school, I met just one other only child. So I rememberher (yes, it was a girl) very well. I got to know her well, and we talked about all sorts of things.We understood each other. You could even say I loved her.
小學(xué)六年時間我只遇上一個獨(dú)生子，所以對她(是的，是女孩兒)記得十分真切。我和她成了好朋友，兩人無話不談，說是息息相通也未嘗不可。我甚至對她懷有了愛情。
Her last name was Shimamoto. Soon after she was born, she came down with polio, which madeher drag her left leg. On top of that, she’d transferred to our school at the end of fifth grade.Compared to me, then, she had a terrible load of psychological baggage to struggle with. Thisbaggage, though, only made her a tougher, more self-possessed only child than I could everhave been. She never whined or complained, never gave any indication of the annoyance shemust have felt at times. No matter what happened, she’d manage a smile. The worse thingsgot, in fact, the broader her smile became. I loved her smile. It soothed me, encouraged me.It’ll be all right her smile told me. Just hang in there, and everything will turn out okay. Yearslater, whenever I thought of her, it was her smile that came to mind first.
她姓島本，同是獨(dú)生子。由于出生不久便得了小兒麻痹，左腿有一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)跛，并且是轉(zhuǎn)校生(島本來我們班是五年級快結(jié)束的時候)。這樣，可以說她背負(fù)著很大的——大得與我無法相比的——精神壓力。但是，也正因?yàn)楸池?fù)著格外大的壓力，她要比我堅(jiān)強(qiáng)得多，自律得多，在任何人面前都不叫苦示弱。不僅口頭上，臉上也是如此。即使事情令人不快，臉上也總是帶著微笑。甚至可以說越是事情令人不快，她越是面帶微笑。那微笑實(shí)在妙不可言，我從中得到了不少安慰和鼓勵。“沒關(guān)系的，”那微笑像是在說，“不怕的，忍一忍就過去了。”由于這個緣故，以后每想起島本的面容，便想起那微笑。
Shimamoto always got good grades and was kind to everyone. People respected her. We wereboth only children, but in this sense she and I were different. This doesn’t mean, though, thatall our classmates liked her. No one teased her or made fun of her, but except for me, she hadno real friends.
島本學(xué)習(xí)成績好，對別人大體公平而親切，所以在班上她常被人高看一眼。在這個意義上，雖說她也是獨(dú)生子，卻跟我大不一樣。不過若說她無條件地得到所有同學(xué)喜歡，那也未必。大家固然不欺負(fù)她不取笑她，但除了我，能稱為朋友的人在她是一個也沒有。
She was probably too cool, too self-possessed. Some of our classmates must have thought hercold and haughty. But I detected something else- something warm and fragile just below thesurface. Something very much like a child playing hide-and-seek, hidden deep within her, yethoping to be found.
想必對他們來說，她是過于冷靜而又自律了，可能有人還視之為冷淡和傲慢。但是我可以感覺出島本在外表下潛伏的某種溫情和脆弱——如同藏貓貓的小孩子，盡管躲在深處，卻又希求遲早給人瞧見。有時我可以從她的話語和表情中一晃兒認(rèn)出這樣的影子。
Because her father was transferred a lot, Shimamoto had attended quite a few schools. I can’trecall what her father did. Once, she explained to me in detail what he did, but as with mostkids, it went in one ear and out the other. I seem to recall some professional job connectedwith a bank or tax office or something. She lived in company housing, but the house was largerthan normal, a Western-style house with a low solid stone wall surrounding it. Above the wallwas an evergreen hedge, and through gaps in the hedge you could catch a glimpse of agarden with a lawn.
由于父親工作的關(guān)系，島本不知轉(zhuǎn)了多少次校。她父親做什么工作，我記不準(zhǔn)確了。她倒是向我詳細(xì)說過一回，但正如對身邊大多數(shù)小孩一樣，我也對別人父親的職業(yè)沒什么興趣。記得大約是銀行、稅務(wù)或公司破產(chǎn)法方面專業(yè)性質(zhì)的工作。這次搬來住的房子雖說也是公司住宅，卻是座蠻大的洋房，四周圍著相當(dāng)氣派的齊腰高的石墻，石墻上連著常綠樹籬，透過點(diǎn)點(diǎn)處處的間隙可以窺見院里的草坪。
Shimamoto was a large girl, about as tall as I was, with striking features. I was certain that ina few years she would be gorgeous. But when I first met her, she hadn’t developed an outerlook to match her inner qualities. Something about her was unbalanced, and not many peoplefelt she was much to look at. There was an adult part of her and a part that was still a child-andthey were out of sync. And this out-of-sync quality made people uneasy.
島本是個眉目清秀的高個子女孩，個頭同我不相上下，幾年后必定出落成十分引人注目的絕對漂亮的姑娘。但我遇見她的當(dāng)時，她還沒獲得同其自身資質(zhì)相稱的外觀。當(dāng)時的她總好像有些地方還不夠諧調(diào)，因此多數(shù)人并不認(rèn)為她的容貌有多大魅力。我猜想大概是因?yàn)樵谒砩洗笕藨?yīng)有的部分同仍然是孩子的部分未能協(xié)調(diào)發(fā)展的緣故，這種不均衡有時會使人陷入不安。
Probably because our houses were so close, literally a stone’s throw from each other, the firstmonth after she came to our school she was assigned to the seat next to mine. I brought her upto speed on what texts she’d need, what the weekly tests were like, how much we’d covered ineach book, how the cleaning and the dishing-out-lunch assignments were handled. Our school’spolicy was for the child who lived nearest any transfer student to help him or her out; myteacher took me aside to let me know that he expected me to take special care of Shimamoto,with her lame leg.
由于兩家離得近(她家距我家的的確確近在咫尺)，最初一個月在教室里，她被安排坐在我旁邊。我將學(xué)校生活所必需知道的細(xì)則一一講給她聽——教材、每星期的測驗(yàn)、各門課用的文具、課程進(jìn)度、掃除和午間供飯值班等等。一來由住處最近的學(xué)生給轉(zhuǎn)校生以最初的幫助是學(xué)校的基本方針，二來是因?yàn)樗炔缓?，老師從私人角度把我找去，叫我在一開始這段時間照顧一下島本。
As with all kids of eleven or twelve talking with a member of the opposite sex for the first time,for a couple of days our conversations were strained. When we found out we were both onlychildren, though, we relaxed. It was the first time either of us had met a fellow only child. Wehad so much we’d held inside about being only children. Often we’d walk home together.Slowly, because of her leg, we’d walk the three quarters of a mile home, talking about all kindsof things. The more we talked, the more we realized we had in common: our love of books andmusic; not to mention cats. We both had a hard time explaining our feelings to others. We bothhad a long list of foods we didn’t want to eat. When it came to subjects at school, the ones weliked we had no trouble concentrating on; the ones we disliked we hated to death. But therewas one major difference between us – more than I did, Shimamoto consciously wrappedherself inside a protective shell. Unlike me, she made an effort to study the subjects she hated,and she got good grades. When the school lunch contained food she hated, she still ate it. Inother words, she constructed a much taller defensive wall around herself than I ever built.What remained behind that wall, though, was pretty much what lay behind mine.
就像一般初次見面的十一二歲異性孩子表現(xiàn)出的那樣，最初幾天我們的交談總有些別扭發(fā)澀，但在得知對方也是獨(dú)生子之后，兩人的交談迅速變得生動融洽起來。無論對她還是對我，遇到自己以外的獨(dú)生子都是頭一遭。這樣，我們就獨(dú)生子是怎么回事談得相當(dāng)投入，想說的話足有幾大堆。一見面——雖然算不上每天—— 兩人就一起從學(xué)校走路回家，而且這一公里路走得很慢(她腿不好只能慢走)，邊走邊說這說那。說話之間，我們發(fā)現(xiàn)兩人的共同點(diǎn)相當(dāng)不少。我們都喜歡看書，喜歡聽音樂，都最喜歡貓，都不擅長向別人表達(dá)自己的感受。不能吃的食物都能列出長長一串，中意的科目都全然不覺得難受，討厭的科目學(xué)起來都深惡痛絕。如果說我和她之間有不同之處，那就是她遠(yuǎn)比我有意識地努力保護(hù)自己。討厭的科目她也能用心學(xué)且取得很不錯的成績，而我則不是那樣。不喜歡的食物端上來她也能忍著全部吃下，而我則做不到。換個說法，她在自己周圍修筑的防體比我的高得多牢固得多，可是要保護(hù)的東西都驚人地相似。
Unlike times when I was with other girls, I could relax with Shimamoto. I loved walking homewith her. Her left leg limped slightly as she walked. We sometimes took a breather on a parkbench halfway home, but I didn’t mind. Rather the opposite-I was glad to have the extra time.
我很快習(xí)慣了同她單獨(dú)在一起。那是全新的體驗(yàn)。同她在一起，我沒有同別的女孩子在一起時那種心神不定的感覺。我喜歡同她搭伴走路回家。島本輕輕拖著左腿行走，途中有時在公園長椅上休息一會兒，但我從未覺得這有什么妨礙，反倒為多花時間感到快樂。
Soon we began to spend a lot of time together, but I don’t recall anyone kidding us about itThis didn’t strike me at the time, though now it seems strange. After all, kids that agenaturally tease and make fun of any couple who seem close. It might have been because of thekind of person Shimamoto was. Something about her made other people a bit tense. She hadan air about her that made people think: Whoa-better not say anything too stupid in front ofthis girl. Even our teachers were somewhat on edge when dealing with her. Her lamenessmight have had something to do with it. At any rate, most people thought Shimamoto was notthe kind of person you teased, which was just fine by me.
我們就這樣單獨(dú)在一起打發(fā)時間。記憶中周圍不曾有人為此奚落我們。當(dāng)時倒沒怎么放在心上，但如今想來，覺得頗有點(diǎn)不可思議。因?yàn)槟莻€年齡的孩子很喜歡拿要好的男女開心起哄。大概是島本的為人所使然吧，我想。她身上有一種能引起別人輕度緊張的什么，總之就是說她帶有一種“不能對此人開無聊玩笑”的氣氛。就連老師看上去有時都對她感到緊張。也可能同她腿有毛病不無關(guān)系。不管怎樣，大家都好像認(rèn)為拿島本開玩笑是不太合適的，而這在結(jié)果上對我可謂求之不得。
During phys. ed. she sat on the sidelines, and when our class went hiking or mountain climbing,she stayed home. Same with summer swim camp. On our annual sports day, she did seem alittle out of sorts. But other than this, her school life was typical. Hardly ever did she mentionher leg. If memory serves, not even once. Whenever we walked home from school together, shenever once apologized for holding me back or let this thought graze her expression. I knew,though, that it was precisely because her leg bothered her that she refrained from mentioningit. She didn’t like to go to other kids’ homes much, since she’d have to remove her shoes,Japanese style, at the entrance. The heels of her shoes were different heights, and the shoesthemselves were shaped differently – something she wanted at all costs to conceal. Must havebeen custom-made shoes. When she arrived at her own home, the first thing she did was tossher shoes in the closet as fast as she could.
島本由于腿不靈便，幾乎不參加體操課，郊游或登山時也不來校，類似游泳那樣的集體在外留宿的夏令營活動也不露面。開運(yùn)動會的時候，她總顯出幾分局促不安。但除了這些場合，她過的是極為普通的小學(xué)生活。她幾乎不提自己的腿疾，在我記憶范圍內(nèi)一次也不曾有過。即使在和她放學(xué)回家時，她也絕對沒說過例如“走得慢對不起”的話，臉上也無此表現(xiàn)。但我十分清楚，曉得她是介意自己的腿的，惟其介意才避免提及。她不大喜歡去別人家玩，因?yàn)楸仨氃陂T口脫鞋。左右兩只鞋的形狀和鞋底厚度多少有些不同——她不愿意讓別人看到。大約是特殊定做的那種。我所以察覺，是因?yàn)榘l(fā)現(xiàn)她一到自己家第一件事就是把鞋放進(jìn)鞋箱。
Shimamoto’s house had a brand-new stereo in the living room, and I used to go over to herplace to listen to music. It was a pretty nice stereo. Her father’s LP collection, though, didn’tdo it justice. At most he had fifteen records, chiefly collections of light classics. We listened tothose fifteen records a thousand times, and even today I can recall the music-every single note.
島本家客廳里有個新型音響裝置，我為聽這個常去她家玩。音響裝置相當(dāng)堂而皇之。不過她父親的唱片收藏卻不及音響的氣派，LP唱片頂多也就十五六張吧，而且多半是以初級聽眾為對象的輕古典音樂，但我還是左一遍右一退反反復(fù)復(fù)聽這十五張唱片，至今都能真可謂真真切切巨細(xì)無遺地一一記起。
Shimamoto was in charge of the records. She’d take one from its jacket place it carefully on theturntable without touching the grooves with her fingers, and, after making sure to brush thecartridge free of any dust with a tiny brush, lower the needle ever so gently onto the record.When the record was finished, she’d spray it and wipe it with a felt cloth. Finally she’d returnthe record to its jacket and its proper place on the shelf. Her father had taught her thisprocedure, and she followed his instructions with a terribly serious look on her face, her eyesnarrowed, her breath held in check. Meanwhile, I was on the sofa, watching her every move.Only when the record was safely back on the shelf did she turn to me and give a little smile.And every time, this thought hit me: It wasn’t a record she was handling. It was a fragile soulinside a glass bottle.
照料唱片是島本的任務(wù)。她從護(hù)套里取出唱片，在不讓手指觸及細(xì)紋的情況下雙手將其放在唱片盤上，用小毛刷拂去唱針的灰塵，慢慢置于唱片之上。唱片轉(zhuǎn)罷，用微型吸塵器吸一遍，拿毛布擦好，收進(jìn)護(hù)套，放回架上原來的位置。她以極其專注的神情一絲不茍地進(jìn)行父親教給她的這一系列作業(yè)，瞇起眼睛，屏息斂氣。我總是坐在沙發(fā)上目不轉(zhuǎn)睛地注視她這一舉一動。唱片放回架上，島本這才沖我露出一如往常的微笑，而那時我每每這樣想：她照料的并非唱片，而大約是某個裝在玻璃瓶里的人的孱弱魂靈。
In my house we didn’t have records or a record player. My parents didn’t care much for music.So I was always listening to music on a small plastic AM radio. Rock and roll was my favorite,but before long I grew to enjoy Shimamoto’s brand of classical music. This was music fromanother world, which had its appeal, but more than that I loved it because she was a part ofthat world. Once or twice a week, she and I would sit on the sofa, drinking the tea her mothermade for us, and spend the afternoon listening to Rossini overtures, Beethoven’s Pastorale, andthe Peer Gynt Suite. Her mother was happy to have me over. She was pleased her daughterhad a friend so soon after transferring to a new school, and I guess it helped that I was a neatdresser. Honestly, I couldn’t bring myself to like her mother very much. No particular reason. Ifelt that way. She was always nice to me. But I could detect a hint of irritation in her voice,and it put me on edge.
我家沒唱機(jī)也沒唱片，父母不是對音樂特別熱心的那一類型，所以我總是在自己房間里，撲在塑料殼AM收音機(jī)上聽音樂。從收音機(jī)里聽到的大多是搖滾一類。但島本家的輕古典音樂我也很快喜歡上了。那是“另一世界”的音樂。我為其吸引大概是因?yàn)閸u本屬于那“另一世界”。每星期有一兩次我和她坐在沙發(fā)上，一邊喝著她母親端來的紅茶，一邊聽羅西尼的序曲集、貝多芬的田園交響曲和《培爾·金特》送走一個下午。她母親很歡迎我來玩，一來為剛剛轉(zhuǎn)校的女兒交上朋友感到欣喜，二來想必也是因?yàn)槲乙?guī)規(guī)矩矩而且總是衣著整潔這點(diǎn)合了她的心意。不過坦率地說，我對她母親卻總好像喜歡不來。倒不是說有什么具體討厭的地方，雖然她待我一直很親切，但我總覺得其說話方式里多少有一種類似焦躁的東西，使得我心神不定。
Of all her father’s records, the one I liked best was a recording of the Liszt piano concertos:one concerto on each side. There were two reasons I liked this record. First of all, the recordjacket was beautiful. Second, no one around me – with the exception of Shimamoto, of course-ever listened to Liszt’s piano concertos. The very idea excited me. I’d found a world that no onearound me knew – a secret garden only I was allowed to enter. I felt elevated, lifted to anotherplane of existence.
她父親收集的唱片中我最愛聽的是李斯特鋼琴協(xié)奏曲。正面為1號，反面為2號。愛聽的理由有兩點(diǎn)：一是唱片護(hù)套格外漂亮，二是我周圍的人里邊聽過李斯特鋼琴協(xié)奏曲的一個也沒有，當(dāng)然島本除外。這委實(shí)令我激動不已。我知曉了周圍任何人都不知曉的世界!這就好比惟獨(dú)我一個人被允許進(jìn)入秘密的花園一樣。對我來說，聽李斯特的鋼琴協(xié)奏曲無疑是把自己推上了更高的人生階梯。
And the music itself was wonderful. At first it struck me as exaggerated, artificial, evenincomprehensible. Little by little, though, with repeated listenings, a vague image formed inmy mind – an image that had meaning. When I closed my eyes and concentrated, the musiccame to me as a series of whirlpools. One whirlpool would form, and out of it another wouldtake shape. And the second whirlpool would connect up with a third. Those whirlpools, Irealize now, had a conceptual, abstract quality to them. More than anything, I wanted to tellShimamoto about them. But they were beyond ordinary language. An entirely different set ofwords was needed, but I had no idea what these were. What’s more, I didn’t know if what I wasfeeling was worth putting into words. Unfortunately, I no longer remember the name of thepianist. All I recall are the colorful, vivid record jacket and the weight of the record itself. Therecord was hefty and thick in a mysterious way.
況且又是優(yōu)美的音樂。起初聽起來似乎故弄玄虛、賣弄技巧，總體上有些雜亂無章，但聽過幾遍之后，那音樂開始在我的意識中一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)聚攏起來，恰如原本模糊的圖像逐漸成形。每當(dāng)我閉目凝神之時，便可以看見其旋律卷起若干漩渦。一個漩渦生成后，又派生出另一個漩渦，另一漩渦又同別的漩渦合在一起。那些漩渦——當(dāng)然是現(xiàn)在才這樣想的——具有觀念的、抽象的性質(zhì)。我很想把如此漩渦的存在設(shè)法講給島本聽，但那并非可以用日常語言向別人闡述的東西，要想準(zhǔn)確表達(dá)必須使用別的不同的語言，而自己尚不知曉那種語言。并且，我也不清楚自己所如此感覺到的是否具有說出口傳達(dá)給別人的價值。遺憾的是，演奏李斯特協(xié)奏曲的鋼琴手的名字已經(jīng)忘了，我記得的只是色彩絢麗的護(hù)套和那唱片的重量。唱片沉甸甸的重得出奇，且厚敦敦的。
The collection in her house included one record each by Nat King Cole and Bing Crosby. Welistened to those two a lot. The Crosby disc featured Christmas songs, which we enjoyedregardless of the season. It’s funny how we could enjoy something like that over and over.
西方古典音樂以外，島本家的唱片架上還夾雜納特·“金”·科爾和平·克勞斯比的唱片。這兩張我也著實(shí)聽個沒完?？藙谒贡饶菑埵鞘フQ音樂唱片，我們聽起來卻不管圣誕不圣誕。至今都覺得不可思議：居然那么百聽不厭!
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