風(fēng)趣幽默英語(yǔ)故事

　　幽默故事，能讓你在信手翻啟間開懷一笑，得到身心的徹底放松、心緒的怦然萌動(dòng)、情感的欣然釋放。下面學(xué)習(xí)啦小編為大家?guī)?lái)風(fēng)趣幽默的英語(yǔ)故事三則，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　風(fēng)趣幽默英語(yǔ)故事：你納稅了嗎

　　A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditorwho had come to review his records.

　　一個(gè)神色緊張的納稅人正悶悶不樂(lè)地和前來(lái)查帳的國(guó)稅局的稅務(wù)審計(jì)員交談。

　　At one point the auditor exclaimed,"Mr. Carelton, we feel it is a great privilegeto be allowed to live and work in the USA.

　　審計(jì)員一度大聲地說(shuō)，“Carelton先生，我們認(rèn)為能在美國(guó)生活和工作是莫大的榮幸，

　　As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes,and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile"

　　而作為一個(gè)美國(guó)公民，您也有納稅的義務(wù)。我們希望您能無(wú)比樂(lè)意地帶著微笑來(lái)納稅。”

　　"Thank goodness"returned Mr. Carelton, with a giant grin on his face,"I thought you were going to want me to pay with cash."

　　“謝天謝地”，Carelton先生咧著嘴大笑地回答，“我還以為你們是要我?guī)еX來(lái)交稅呢!”

　　風(fēng)趣幽默英語(yǔ)故事：離事故有多遠(yuǎn)

　　A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed.

　　一位木匠正在為他目擊的一起事故作證。

　　The judge asked him how far away he was from the accident.

　　法官問(wèn)他當(dāng)時(shí)離事發(fā)現(xiàn)場(chǎng)有多遠(yuǎn)。

　　The carpenter replied "twenty seven feet, six-and-one-half- inches".

　　木匠回答，“27英尺，6.5英寸”。

　　"What? How come you are so sure of that distance?" asked the judge.

　　法官問(wèn)：“什么?你怎么能這樣確定?”

　　"Well, I knew some idiot would ask me. So I measured it!" replied the carpenter.

　　木匠回答，“是啊，我知道一定會(huì)有傻瓜問(wèn)我這個(gè)問(wèn)題，所以我事先測(cè)量了一下。”

　　風(fēng)趣幽默英語(yǔ)故事：酒后駕車

　　Late one night a police officer was patrolling a rowdy bar to anticipate possible DUI violations.

　　一天深夜，一名警察去一個(gè)經(jīng)常有人鬧事的酒吧門口巡邏，為了避免有酒后駕車的情況發(fā)生。

　　At closing time, he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys in five different cars before he found his.

　　酒吧打烊了，他看見一個(gè)家伙跌跌撞撞的跑出來(lái)，一下摔在路邊，隨后又用鑰匙試著開了五輛車的門才找到他自己的車。

　　Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.

　　坐進(jìn)車?yán)铮脦追昼娝侄际窃诿切╄€匙。

　　Everyone else left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away.

　　這時(shí)人們都從酒吧出來(lái)并且開車走了。最后他也發(fā)動(dòng)了車子準(zhǔn)備開走，

　　The police officer was waiting for him and turned on his light and pulled the driver over, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test.

　　警察已經(jīng)等這個(gè)機(jī)會(huì)很久了，他打開燈，把司機(jī)從車?yán)锢鰜?lái)，給他宣讀了他所享有的法定權(quán)利，然后作了酒精的測(cè)試。

　　The test results showed a reading of 0.00.

　　測(cè)試的結(jié)果是零，

　　The puzzled officer demanded to know how could that be.

　　于是困惑的警察問(wèn)他是為什么，

　　The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy!"

　　司機(jī)說(shuō)：“今晚他們派我當(dāng)誘餌。”