On the morning of the stroke, I woke up to a pounding pain behind my left eye. And it was the kind of pain -- caustic pain -- that you get when you bite into ice cream. And it just gripped me -- and then it released me. And then it just gripped me -- and then it released me. And it was very unusual for me to ever experience any kind of pain, so I thought, OK, I'll just start my normal routine.

　　早上中風(fēng)后， 醒來時，感覺我得左眼很疼。是一種鉆心的疼。如同你咬了一口冰淇淋。 先是緊緊地揪住我， 然后再釋放。然后再揪住我， 再釋放。它不同于我以往所經(jīng)歷的任何形式的疼痛。 因此，我想著，我應(yīng)該開始我的常規(guī)生活了。

　　So I got up and I jumped onto my cardio glider, which is a full-body, full-exercise machine. And I'm jamming away on this thing, and I'm realizing that my hands look like primitive claws grasping onto the bar. And I thought, "That's very peculiar." And I looked down at my body and I thought, "Whoa, I'm a weird-looking thing." And it was as though my consciousness had shifted away from my normal perception of reality, where I'm the person on the machine having the experience, to some esoteric space where I'm witnessing myself having this experience.

　　我起床，然后跳到我的健身器材上，它是一個活動全身部位的機器。 正當(dāng)我在運動的時候。 突然意識到我的手就像原始的爪子一樣 抓著扶手。我想，“這真的很奇特。” 我觀察了身體的狀況，聯(lián)想到，“哇， “我看起來真是個奇怪的東西。”好像 我的意識已經(jīng)被搬離了我正常的對于真實世界的感覺，就是我，是那個在器械上 保持運動的人，更深奧的說 就是我親眼目睹我自己經(jīng)歷這一切。

　　And it was all very peculiar, and my headache was just getting worse. So I get off the machine, and I'm walking across my living room floor, and I realize that everything inside of my body has slowed way down. And every step is very rigid and very deliberate. There's no fluidity to my pace, and there's this constriction in my area of perceptions, so I'm just focused on internal systems. And I'm standing in my bathroom getting ready to step into the shower, and I could actually hear the dialogue inside of my body. I heard a little voice saying, "OK. You muscles, you gotta contract. You muscles, you relax."

　　這非常特別，我頭更疼了。 我走下了器械， 走過起居室的時候， 我意識到我體內(nèi)的所有東西 都緩慢了下來。每一步都非常的僵硬而且非常謹慎。我的步伐沒有靈活性， 在我的感覺范圍內(nèi)，有了這種約束， 于是我注意到了我體內(nèi)的系統(tǒng)。 我站在淋浴間準備沖個澡 我能十分確定的聽到我體內(nèi)的對話。我聽見一個小聲音說到 “好了，肌肉，現(xiàn)在你們必須運動。 肌肉，你休息!”

　　And then I lost my balance, and I'm propped up against the wall. And I look down at my arm and I realize that I can no longer define the boundaries of my body. I can't define where I begin and where I end, because the atoms and the molecules of my arm blended with the atoms and molecules of the wall. And all I could detect was this energy -- energy.

　　接著我失去了平衡，我倚靠著墻站立著。我低頭看看我的胳膊， 發(fā)現(xiàn)我已經(jīng)無法感覺我身體的界限了。 我也不知道我從哪里開始的將從哪里結(jié)束， 因為我胳膊上所有的原子和分子都與墻上的原子分子融合在一起了。 我能分辨出來的只有這種能量——這種能量。

　　And I'm asking myself, "What is wrong with me? What is going on?" And in that moment, my brain chatter -- my left hemisphere brain chatter -- went totally silent. Just like someone took a remote control and pushed the mute button. Total silence. And at first I was shocked to find myself inside of a silent mind. But then I was immediately captivated by the magnificence of the energy around me. And because I could no longer identify the boundaries of my body, I felt enormous and expansive. I felt at one with all the energy that was, and it was beautiful there.

　　我對自己說，“我究竟是怎么了? “發(fā)生了什么事?”而就在那個時候，我的腦子開始咔噠作響了—— 我的左腦嗡嗡的響——突然一片寂靜。 就像有人拿起了一個遠程遙控器按下了靜音鍵。徹底的寂靜。 起初我發(fā)現(xiàn)身處寂靜之中， 非常吃驚，但馬上我就 被周圍那種宏大的能量所迷惑了。 因為我已經(jīng)不能感覺到身體的界限。我覺得自己非常巨大而且非常膨脹。 通過這些能量我馬上感覺到 --很美妙。

　　Then all of a sudden my left hemisphere comes back online, and it says to me, "Hey! We got a problem! We got a problem! We gotta get some help." And I'm going, "Ahh! I got a problem. I got a problem." So it's like, "OK. OK. I got a problem."

　　接著突然我左腦回來了，它對我說：“嘿，我們遇到麻煩了! 我們遇到麻煩了!我們需要幫助!” 接著我反應(yīng)過來，“阿，我遇到麻煩了!我遇到麻煩了，”于是就像，“好吧，好吧，我遇到麻煩了!”

　　But then I immediately drifted right back out into the consciousness -- and I affectionately refer to this space as La La Land. But it was beautiful there. Imagine what it would be like to be totally disconnected from your brain chatter that connects you to the external world.

　　但然后我突然漂了回來 恢復(fù)了意識——我親切的稱這種空間叫做“拉拉大地”。 那兒非常美。 想象你和你的大腦完全失去了聯(lián)系 而大腦本應(yīng)該把你與外部世界聯(lián)系起來的。

　　So here I am in this space, and my job -- and any stress related to my job -- it was gone. And I felt lighter in my body. And imagine: all of the relationships in the external world and any stressors related to any of those -- they were gone. And I felt this sense of peacefulness. And imagine what it would feel like to lose 37 years of emotional baggage! (Laughter) Oh! I felt euphoria. Euphoria. It was beautiful.

　　因而我就在這種空間，而我的工作—— 以及所有與我工作相關(guān)的壓力——都沒了。 我覺得身體很輕，想象： 外部世界的所有關(guān)系和 所有與那些關(guān)系相關(guān)的刺激——一切都沒了。我感覺很平靜。 想象一下，一下子丟掉了37年情感重擔(dān)，是什么樣的感覺! 噢，我覺得非常快樂。 非?？鞓?。非常美麗。

　　And then, again, my left hemisphere comes online and it says, "Hey! You've got to pay attention. We've got to get help." And I'm thinking, "I got to get help. I gotta focus." So I get out of the shower and I mechanically dress and I'm walking around my apartment, and I'm thinking, "I gotta get to work. I gotta get to work Can I drive? Can I drive?"

　　接著，我的左腦又恢復(fù)了，它說 “嘿，你得注意我們需要幫助!”接著我就想，“我需要幫助!” 我需要集中精神。 于是我走出淋浴間， 機械的穿上衣服，然后在我的屋子里走來走去。我在想，“我必須去工作，我必須去工作 “我能開車嗎?我能開車嗎?”

　　And in that moment my right arm went totally paralyzed by my side. Then I realized, "Oh my gosh! I'm having a stroke! I'm having a stroke!"

　　那一刻，我的右手完全癱瘓了， 我意識到 “噢天哪!我中風(fēng)了!我中風(fēng)了!”

　　And the next thing my brain says to me is, "Wow! This is so cool." (Laughter) "This is so cool! How many brain scientists have the opportunity to study their own brain from the inside out?" (Laughter)

　　接著我的腦子對我說：“哇噢! “很酷嘛!這簡直太酷了!” “有多少腦科專家能有機會 在他們自己的腦子上進行學(xué)術(shù)研究啊!” (笑聲)

　　And then it crosses my mind: "But I'm a very busy woman!" (Laughter) "I don't have time for a stroke!"

　　接著我的腦子里回響，“但我是個非常忙的人!” “我可沒時間中風(fēng)!

　　So I'm like, "OK, I can't stop the stroke from happening, so I'll do this for a week or two, and then I'll get back to my routine. OK. So I gotta call help. I gotta call work." I couldn't remember the number at work, so I remembered, in my office I had a business card with my number on it. So I go into my business room, I pull out a three-inch stack of business cards.

　　接著我就像是，“那好吧，我沒有辦法阻止中風(fēng)的發(fā)生， 那么我就這樣過一兩個禮拜， 然后就回到自己本來的生活，嗯!我需要幫助，我得給單位打個電話!” 但我記不起單位的電話號碼了， 接著我想起在我的辦公室我有一張名片上面有我的號碼，于是我回到了我的屋里， 我找出了一疊兒三英寸大小的名片。

　　And I'm looking at the card on top and even though I could see clearly in my mind's eye what my business card looked like, I couldn't tell if this was my card or not because all I could see were pixels. And the pixels of the words blended with the pixels of the background and the pixels of the symbols, and I just couldn't tell. And then I would wait for what I call a wave of clarity. And in that moment, I would be able to reattach to normal reality and I could tell that's not the card ... that's not the card ... that's not the card. It took me 45 minutes to get one inch down inside of that stack of cards.

　　我盯著名片的正面， 雖然我能看得很清楚我的名片長什么樣兒，但是我卻沒有辦法分辨出這張卡是不是我的， 或許是因為我能看到的只是像素一樣的東西。 而且是名片的上的單詞混合起來的像素。就像是與背景和那些標點符號混合起來的， 而我就是無法辨認。 之后我就等著，等著我希望的那種清楚地感覺出現(xiàn)。 那個時候，我就能夠重新與現(xiàn)實結(jié)合起來， 然后我也發(fā)現(xiàn)那不是我要的名片……那不是我要的名片……那不是我要的名片 我整整花了45分鐘從那一疊兒名片中一張一張的找我的名片。

　　In the meantime, for 45 minutes, the hemorrhage is getting bigger in my left hemisphere. I do not understand numbers. I do not understand the telephone, but it's the only plan I have. So I take the phone pad and I put it right here. I take the business card, I put it right here, and I'm matching the shape of the squiggles on the card to the shape of the squiggles on the phone pad. But then I would drift back out into La La Land, and not remember when I came back if I'd already dialed those numbers. So I had to wield my paralyzed arm like a stump and cover the numbers as I went along and pushed them, so that as I would come back to normal reality, I'd be able to tell, "Yes, I've already dialed that number."

　　同時經(jīng)過這45分鐘， 我左腦里的積血越來越多了。 我看不懂?dāng)?shù)字，我沒辦法打電話 但是我也只能這樣做了。于是我把電話簿拿起來放在那兒，我拿起了名片 也把它放在那兒， 我把名片上那些亂七八糟的文字， 和電話簿上那些亂七八糟的文字一一對比。接著我又飄到了我的“拉拉大地”去了， 也不記得當(dāng)我回到現(xiàn)實的時候， 我到底有沒有撥通了那些號碼。我不得不把我那癱掉的胳膊像舉樹樁一樣舉起 移到那些號碼上然后摁下 那樣我就能夠回到正常的現(xiàn)實里面 告訴自己，“對，我已經(jīng)撥通了那個號碼!”

　　Eventually, the whole number gets dialed and I'm listening to the phone, and my colleague picks up the phone and he says to me, "Woo woo woo woo." (Laughter) And I think to myself, "Oh my gosh, he sounds like a Golden Retriever!"

　　最終，整個號碼被撥通了 我拿著聽筒， 我的同事接聽了電話，并對我說 “汪汪汪汪，”(笑聲)我不禁想 “天哪，他聽起來就像一只金毛獵狗!”

　　And so I say to him -- clear in my mind, I say to him: "This is Jill! I need help!" And what comes out of my voice is, "Woo woo woo woo woo." I'm thinking, "Oh my gosh, I sound like a Golden Retriever." So I couldn't know -- I didn't know that I couldn't speak or understand language until I tried. So he recognizes that I need help and he gets me help.

　　我就對他說，我記得很清楚，我對他說： “我是吉爾，我需要幫助!” 但是我發(fā)出的聲音卻是，“汪汪汪汪汪!” 我想，“天哪，我聽起來也像一只金毛獵狗。” 但我沒法知道，我也不知道 直到我嘗試了半天才明白我已經(jīng)不能說或者聽懂語言了。但他馬上意識到我需要幫助，接著他幫助了我。

　　And a little while later, I am riding in an ambulance from one hospital across Boston to [Massachusetts] General Hospital And I curl up into a little fetal ball. And just like a balloon with the last bit of air, just, just right out of the balloon, I just felt my energy lift and just -- I felt my spirit surrender.

　　一會兒，我就已經(jīng)躺在從波士頓開往麻省綜合醫(yī)院的救護車里了。 我蜷縮起來，把自己像嬰兒那樣卷成一個球。 就像只剩最后一點點空氣的氣球，就在那個氣球外面， 我覺得我的能量流失了——我覺得我的精神投降了。

　　And in that moment, I knew that I was no longer the choreographer of my life. And either the doctors rescue my body and give me a second chance at life, or this was perhaps my moment of transition.

　　那個時候，我明白我已經(jīng) 不再是主宰自己生命的指導(dǎo)了。醫(yī)生拯救了我的身體， 給了我第二次生存的機會， 這也許是我轉(zhuǎn)折的那一刻。

　　When I woke later that afternoon, I was shocked to discover that I was still alive. When I felt my spirit surrender, I said goodbye to my life. And my mind was now suspended between two very opposite planes of reality. Stimulation coming in through my sensory systems felt like pure pain. Light burned my brain like wildfire, and sounds were so loud and chaotic that I could not pick a voice out from the background noise, and I just wanted to escape.

　　那天下午我醒來的時候，我非常驚訝地發(fā)現(xiàn)我仍然活著。當(dāng)我發(fā)現(xiàn)我精神投降的時候， 我已經(jīng)對我的生命說了再見。 我的精神在兩個完全相反的 真實星球漂浮著。我感官系統(tǒng)帶來的刺激就像純粹的痛。 我的腦子就像野火一樣燃燒， 聲音非常吵雜和混亂，以至于我沒有辦法 從那些噪音中區(qū)別出任何一種聲音，我只是想逃離。

　　Because I could not identify the position of my body in space, I felt enormous and expansive, like a genie just liberated from her bottle. And my spirit soared free, like a great whale gliding through the sea of silent euphoria. Nirvana. I found Nirvana. And I remember thinking, there's no way I would ever be able to squeeze the enormousness of myself back inside this tiny little body.

　　因為我無法辨別 我身體所處的位置，我還是感覺巨大而且膨脹， 就像是從瓶中獲得解放的小鬼。我的靈魂自由的翱翔，就像一條大鯨魚 在安靜而快樂的海洋里面翻騰。 天堂，我看到了天堂，我記得我想 我可能沒有辦法把我自己重新積壓到這個小小的軀體里。

　　But then I realized, "But I'm still alive! I'm still alive, and I have found Nirvana. And if I have found Nirvana and I'm still alive, then everyone who is alive can find Nirvana." And I pictured a world filled with beautiful, peaceful, compassionate, loving people who knew that they could come to this space at any time. And that they could purposely choose to step to the right of their left hemispheres and find this peace. And then I realized what a tremendous gift this experience could be, what a stroke of insight this could be, to how we live our lives. And it motivated me to recover.

　　但我意識到，“我還活著，我還活著!而且我找到了天堂，如果我 找到了天堂而且我還活著，那么活著的每一個人 都能找到天堂。”我描繪了一個世界 充滿了美麗、寧逸、憐憫友愛的人們，他們知道 他們隨時能夠到這個空間。他們能夠 有目的的選擇控制他們的左腦 讓他們找到和平。接著，我意識到這是多么重大的一份禮物和經(jīng)歷阿! 對于我們?nèi)绾紊睿@是多么富有遠見的一次中風(fēng)阿! 這成為了我恢復(fù)的動力。

　　Two and a half weeks after the hemorrhage, the surgeons went in and they removed a blood clot the size of a golf ball that was pushing on my language centers. Here I am with my mama, who is a true angel in my life. It took me eight years to completely recover.

　　出血兩個半星期之后，外科醫(yī)生幫我取出了一個高爾夫球般大小的血塊 它一直擠壓著我的語言中樞。 現(xiàn)在我和我媽媽在一起，她真的是我生命中的一位天使。我完全恢復(fù)整整用了八年。

　　So who are we? We are the life force power of the universe, with manual dexterity and two cognitive minds. And we have the power to choose, moment by moment, who and how we want to be in the world. Right here, right now, I can step into the consciousness of my right hemisphere, where we are. I am the life-force power of the universe. I am the life-force power of the 50 trillion beautiful molecular geniuses that make up my form, at one with all that is.

　　我們是誰?我們是宇宙中生命的驅(qū)動力，擁有靈巧的手工技藝以及兩頁富有認知的頭腦。 我們有選擇的力量，時時刻刻， 成為這個世界上我們希望成為的人。 此時此刻，我能夠邁入我右腦所反應(yīng)的意識領(lǐng)域，也就是我們所在的地方。 我是宇宙的生命原動力。 我是組成我整體的五百億 美麗的、由分子組成的天才的原動力。

　　Or, I can choose to step into the consciousness of my left hemisphere, where I become a single individual, a solid. Separate from the flow, separate from you. I am Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor: intellectual, neuroanatomist. These are the "we" inside of me. Which would you choose? Which do you choose? And when? I believe that the more time we spend choosing to run the deep inner-peace circuitry of our right hemispheres, the more peace we will project into the world, and the more peaceful our planet will be.

　　And I thought that was an idea worth spreading.

　　或者，我能夠邁入我左腦 所反應(yīng)的意識領(lǐng)域，我成為了一個個體， 一個純粹的個體。從流動中分離出來，從你們中分離出來，我是吉爾波爾特泰勒博士， 一位有知識的神經(jīng)解剖學(xué)家。這就是我體內(nèi)的那個“我們”。你愿意選擇什么?你選擇什么?什么時候? 我相信，我們花費更多的時間 來選擇運行我們右腦中埋藏深深的和平系統(tǒng)，我們就會對這個世界產(chǎn)生更多的和諧， 我們的星球也會變得更加安寧。 我認為這是一個值得去推廣的主意。
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