TED英語(yǔ)演講：這才是愛情應(yīng)有的樣子
今天小編為大家收集整理了關(guān)于TED英語(yǔ)演講：這才是愛情應(yīng)有的樣子,希望大家會(huì)喜歡,同時(shí)也希望給你們帶來(lái)一些參考的作用!
A better way to talk about love
OK, so today I want to talk about how wetalk about love. And specifically, I want to talk about what's wrong with howwe talk about love.
今天我想談?wù)勎覀兪侨绾握務(wù)搻矍榈?。我尤其想和你們聊的是，我們談?wù)搻矍闀r(shí)到底哪里出錯(cuò)了。
Most of us will probably fall in love a fewtimes over the course of our lives, and in the English language, this metaphor,falling, is really the main way that we talk about that experience. I don'tknow about you, but when I conceptualize this metaphor, what I picture isstraight out of a cartoon — like there's a man, he's walking down the sidewalk, withoutrealizing it, he crosses over an open manhole, and he just plummets into thesewer below. And I picture it this way because falling is not jumping. Fallingis accidental, it's uncontrollable. It's something that happens to us withoutour consent. And this — this is the main way we talk about starting a new relationship.
我們大多數(shù)人在一生中可能深愛過(guò)幾次，在英語(yǔ)中，墜入愛河這個(gè)比喻，是我們談?wù)撨@段經(jīng)歷的主要方式。我不知道你是怎么想的，但是當(dāng)我把這個(gè)比喻概念化的時(shí)候，我腦海里浮現(xiàn)的是一幅漫畫——就像有一個(gè)人，他走在人行道上，沒有意識(shí)到自己走過(guò)一個(gè)打開的井蓋，然后他就一頭栽進(jìn)下面的下水道里。我會(huì)這么想是因?yàn)?，墜落不是跳躍。墜落是偶然的，是無(wú)法控制的。是沒經(jīng)過(guò)我們的同意就發(fā)生了，而這我們說(shuō)到開始一段新的感情，主要就用的這種方式去表達(dá)的。
I am a writer and I'm also an Englishteacher, which means I think about words for a living. You could say that I getpaid to argue that the language we use matters, and I would like to argue thatmany of the metaphors we use to talk about love — maybe even most ofthem — are a problem.
我是一名作家，同時(shí)也是一位英語(yǔ)老師，這就意味著我以思考語(yǔ)言為生。你可能會(huì)說(shuō)，我們使用的語(yǔ)言很重要，我認(rèn)為我們用來(lái)談?wù)搻矍榈脑S多隱喻——甚至可能是其中的大多數(shù)都是有問題的。
So, in love, we fall. We're struck. We arecrushed. We swoon. We burn with passion. Love makes us crazy, and it makes ussick. Our hearts ache, and then they break. So our metaphors equate theexperience of loving someone to extreme violence or illness.
于是，我們墜入愛河。我們被擊潰。我們意亂情迷。愛讓我們瘋狂，也讓我們難受不已。我們的心會(huì)痛，會(huì)心碎。所以我們把深愛某人比喻為與極端暴力和疾病相關(guān)的比喻。
They do. And they position us as thevictims of unforeseen and totally unavoidable circumstances.My favorite one ofthese is "smitten," which is the past participle of the word"smite." And if you look this word up in the dictionary —you will seethat it can be defined as both "grievous affliction," and, "tobe very much in love." I tend to associate the word "smite" witha very particular context, which is the Old Testament. In the Book of Exodusalone, there are 16 references to smiting, which is the word that the Bibleuses for the vengeance of an angry God.
確實(shí)是這樣的。這些比喻把我們看作在不可預(yù)見和完全不可避免的情況的受害者。我最喜歡的一個(gè)是smitten，它是smite的過(guò)去分詞如果你在字典里查這個(gè)詞-你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)它既可以被定義為“極度痛苦”，也可以被定義為“神魂顛倒”。我傾向于把"smite"這個(gè)詞和一個(gè)非常特殊的語(yǔ)境聯(lián)系起來(lái)，那就是《舊約》。僅在《出埃及記》中，就有16處提到了smiting，這是圣經(jīng)中用來(lái)描述憤怒的上帝復(fù)仇的詞。
(Laughter)
Here we are using the same word to talkabout love that we use to explain a plague of locusts.Right?So, how did thishappen? How have we come to associate love with great pain and suffering?Andwhy do we talk about this ostensibly good experience as if we are victims?These are difficult questions, but I have some theories. And to think thisthrough, I want to focus on one metaphor in particular, which is the idea oflove as madness.
我們談?wù)搻矍闀r(shí)所使用的詞語(yǔ)和我們用來(lái)解釋蝗蟲的瘟疫所用的詞語(yǔ)是同一個(gè)。對(duì)吧?那么，怎么會(huì)這樣呢?我們是為什么會(huì)把愛和巨大的痛苦聯(lián)系在一起呢?為什么我們談?wù)撨@種看似美好的經(jīng)歷時(shí)將自己看做受害者呢?這些問題很難回答，但我有一些理論。為了深入思考這個(gè)問題，我想特別關(guān)注一個(gè)比喻，那就是愛是瘋狂的想法。
When I first started researching romanticlove, I found these madness metaphors everywhere. The history of Westernculture is full of language that equates love to mental illness. These are justa few examples. William Shakespeare: "Love is merely a madness," from"As You Like It."Friedrich Nietzsche: "There is always somemadness in love." "Got me looking, got me looking so crazy in love — "fromthe great philosopher, Beyoncé Knowles.
當(dāng)我第一次開始研究浪漫愛情時(shí)，我發(fā)現(xiàn)這些瘋狂的隱喻無(wú)處不在。西方文化史上充滿了將愛情等同于精神疾病的語(yǔ)言。這只是幾個(gè)例子。莎士比亞:“愛只不過(guò)是一種瘋狂”，出自《皆大歡喜》。尼采:“愛情總有瘋狂的時(shí)刻。”偉大的哲學(xué)家碧昂絲·諾爾斯曾說(shuō)過(guò):“讓我看起來(lái)瘋狂，像是愛瘋了”
I fell in love for the first time when Iwas 20, and it was a pretty turbulent relationship right from the start. And itwas long distance for the first couple of years, so for me that meant very highhighs and very low lows. I can remember one moment in particular. I was sittingon a bed in a hostel in South America, and I was watching the person I lovewalk out the door. And it was late, it was nearly midnight, we'd gotten into anargument over dinner, and when we got back to our room, he threw his things inthe bag and stormed out. While I can no longer remember what that argument wasabout, I very clearly remember how I felt watching him leave.
我第一次墜入愛河是在我20歲的時(shí)候，從一開始這段關(guān)系就跌宕起伏。在最初的幾年里，我們處于異地戀的狀態(tài)，所以對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)，這意味著要么極度幸福要么極度痛苦。我能特別記得那一刻，我坐在南美一家旅社的床上，看著我愛的奪門而出。已經(jīng)很晚了，將近午夜了，我們?cè)诔酝盹埖臅r(shí)候發(fā)生了爭(zhēng)吵，當(dāng)我們回到房間時(shí)，他把他的東西扔進(jìn)包里，氣沖沖地走了。雖然我已經(jīng)不記得我們當(dāng)時(shí)因?yàn)槭裁丛跔?zhēng)吵了，但我非常清楚地記得看著他離開時(shí)我的感受。
I was 22, it was my first time in thedeveloping world, and I was totally alone. I had another week until my flighthome, and I knew the name of the town that I was in, and the name of the citythat I needed to get to to fly out, but I had no idea how to get around. I hadno guidebook and very little money, and I spoke no Spanish.
那時(shí)我22歲，這是我第一次來(lái)到發(fā)展中國(guó)家，我孤身一人。還有一個(gè)星期我才能飛回家，我知道我要去的城鎮(zhèn)的名字，也知道我要飛到的城市的名字，但是我不知道該怎么走。我沒有旅游指南，也沒有多少錢，而且我不會(huì)說(shuō)西班牙語(yǔ)。
Someone more adventurous than me might haveseen this as a moment of opportunity, but I just froze. I just sat there. Andthen I burst into tears. But despite my panic, some small voice in my headthought, "Wow. That was dramatic. I must really be doing this love thingright."
一些比我更有冒險(xiǎn)精神的人可能會(huì)把這看作是一個(gè)機(jī)遇，但我卻愣住了。我只是坐在那里。然后我淚流滿面。盡管我很恐慌，但我腦子里還是有個(gè)很小的聲音在想:“哇!這是很戲劇性的，我真的愛上這個(gè)人了!”
Because some part of me wanted to feelmiserable in love. And it sounds so strange to me now, but at 22, I longed tohave dramatic experiences, and in that moment, I was irrational and furious anddevastated, and weirdly enough, I thought that this somehow legitimized thefeelings I had for the guy who had just left me.
因?yàn)槲以谶@一刻想要被愛折磨，現(xiàn)在聽起來(lái)很奇怪，但在我22歲的時(shí)候，我渴望有戲劇性的經(jīng)歷，在那一刻，我失去理智，憤怒和崩潰，奇怪的是，我認(rèn)為這在某種程度上，我對(duì)那個(gè)剛摔門而去的我的男人產(chǎn)生這樣的感情是合理的。
I think on some level I wanted to feel alittle bit crazy, because I thought that that was how loved worked. This reallyshould not be surprising, considering that according to Wikipedia, there areeight films, 14 songs, two albums and one novel with the title "CrazyLove."
我想在某種程度上，我讓自己有點(diǎn)瘋狂，因?yàn)槲艺J(rèn)為這才是愛一個(gè)人的方式。這一點(diǎn)都不奇怪，畢竟維基百科上顯示有8部電影、14首歌曲、兩張專輯和一本名為《瘋狂的愛》的小說(shuō)。
About half an hour later, he came back toour room. We made up. We spent another mostly happy week traveling together.And then, when I got home, I thought, "That was so terrible and sogreat.This must be a real romance." I expected my first love to feel likemadness, and of course, it met that expectation very well. But loving someonelike that — as if my entire well-being depended on him loving me back — was notvery good for me or for him.
大約半小時(shí)后，他回來(lái)了。我們和解了。我們又一起度過(guò)了快樂的一周，一起旅行。當(dāng)我回到家，我想，那真是一段又可怕又美好的一段經(jīng)歷。這一定是一段真正的羅曼史。我期待我的初戀是瘋狂的，當(dāng)然，我如愿以償了。但是愛一個(gè)人就像是我整個(gè)人的狀態(tài)感受都取決于他是否也愛我。這與我，與他而言都不是一件好事。
But I suspect this experience of love isnot that unusual. Most of us do feel a bit mad in the early stages of romanticlove. In fact, there is research to confirm that this is somewhatnormal,because, neurochemically speaking, romantic love and mental illness arenot that easily distinguished. This is true.
但我懷疑這種愛的體驗(yàn)并不是那么不尋常。在大多數(shù)人剛開始一段戀情時(shí)都感到有那么一點(diǎn)瘋狂。事實(shí)上，有研究證實(shí)這其實(shí)是正常的，因?yàn)閺纳窠?jīng)化學(xué)的角度來(lái)說(shuō)，浪漫的愛情和精神疾病并不是那么容易區(qū)分的。
This study from 1999 used blood tests toconfirm that the serotonin levels of the newly in love very closely resembledthe serotonin levels of people who had been diagnosed with obsessive-compulsivedisorder.
1999年的這項(xiàng)研究通過(guò)血液測(cè)試證實(shí)，剛戀愛的人的血清素水平與被診斷為強(qiáng)迫癥的人的血清素水平非常相似。
Yes, and low levels of serotonin are alsoassociated with seasonal affective disorder and depression. So there is someevidence that love is associated with changes to our moods and our behaviors.And there are other studies to confirm that most relationships begin this way.
是的，低血清素水平也與季節(jié)性情緒失調(diào)和抑郁癥有關(guān)。所以有證據(jù)表明，愛與我們情緒和行為的變化有關(guān)。還有其他研究證實(shí)，大多數(shù)關(guān)系都是這樣開始的。
Researchers believe that the low levels ofserotonin is correlated with obsessive thinking about the object of love, whichis like this feeling that someone has set up camp in your brain. And most of usfeel this way when we first fall in love. But the good news is, it doesn'talways last that long —usually from a few months to a couple of years.
研究人員認(rèn)為，血清素水平低與相思有關(guān)，就像有人在你的大腦中安營(yíng)扎寨一樣。我們大多數(shù)人在第一次戀愛時(shí)都有這種感覺。但好消息是，它并不總是持續(xù)那么長(zhǎng)時(shí)間——通常從幾個(gè)月到幾年。
When I got back from my trip to SouthAmerica, I spent a lot of time alone in my room,checking my email, desperate tohear from the guy I loved. I decided that if my friends could not understand mygrievous affliction, then I did not need their friendship. So I stopped hangingout with most of them. And it was probably the most unhappy year of my life.But I think I felt like it was my job to be miserable, because if I could bemiserable, then I would prove how much I loved him.And if I could prove it,then we would have to end up together eventually.
當(dāng)我從南美旅行回來(lái)后，我花了很多時(shí)間獨(dú)自呆在房間里，查看電子郵件，急切地想要收到我愛的人的來(lái)信。我決定，如果我的朋友不能理解我的痛苦，那么我就不需要他們的友誼。所以我不再和他們中的大多數(shù)出去玩了。那可能是我一生中最不快樂的一年。但我認(rèn)為痛苦是我必須要經(jīng)歷的，因?yàn)槿绻夷芨惺艿酵纯?，我就能證明我有多愛他。如果我能證明這一點(diǎn)，我們最終會(huì)在一起。
This is the real madness, because there isno cosmic rule that says that great suffering equals great reward, but we talkabout love as if this is true.
這是真正的瘋狂，因?yàn)闆]有宇宙法則說(shuō)巨大的痛苦會(huì)換來(lái)同等的報(bào)酬，但我們談?wù)搻矍闀r(shí)的確是這樣的。
Our experiences of love are both biologicaland cultural. Our biology tells us that love is good by activating these rewardcircuits in our brain, and it tells us that love is painful when, after a fightor a breakup, that neurochemical reward is withdrawn. And in fact — and maybeyou've heard this —neurochemically speaking, going through a breakup is a lot likegoing through cocaine withdrawal,which I find reassuring.
我們的愛情經(jīng)歷和生理和文化都是相關(guān)的。通過(guò)激活了我們大腦中的這些獎(jiǎng)賞回路，生理反應(yīng)告訴我們愛情很美好，在吵架或分手后，這種神經(jīng)化學(xué)獎(jiǎng)賞被撤回。生理反應(yīng)又會(huì)告訴我們愛情很痛苦，實(shí)際上，或許你聽說(shuō)過(guò)這個(gè)從神經(jīng)化學(xué)的角度說(shuō)經(jīng)歷一場(chǎng)分手就像戒除毒癮，我為此感到心安。
And then our culture uses language to shapeand reinforce these ideas about love. In this case, we're talking aboutmetaphors about pain and addiction and madness. It's kind of an interestingfeedback loop. Love is powerful and at times painful, and we express this inour words and stories, but then our words and stories prime us to expect loveto be powerful and painful.
然后我們的文化用語(yǔ)言來(lái)塑造和強(qiáng)化這些關(guān)于愛的觀念。在這個(gè)例子中，我們討論的是關(guān)于痛苦，上癮和瘋狂的隱喻。這是一個(gè)有趣的反饋循環(huán)。愛是強(qiáng)大的，有時(shí)是痛苦的，我們用語(yǔ)言和故事來(lái)表達(dá)這種感受，但是它們反過(guò)來(lái)又讓我們期待愛情是強(qiáng)大且痛苦的，
What's interesting to me is that all ofthis happens in a culture that values lifelong monogamy. It seems like we wantit both ways: we want love to feel like madness, and we want it to last anentire lifetime. That sounds terrible.
我認(rèn)為有趣的是，這都存在于重視終生一夫一妻制的文化中。我們似乎想要兩全其美:我們想讓愛變得瘋狂，我們想讓它持續(xù)一生。這聽起來(lái)太可怕了。
To reconcile this, we need to either changeour culture or change our expectations. So, imagine if we were all less passivein love. If we were more assertive, more open-minded, more generous and insteadof falling in love, we stepped into love. I know that this is asking a lot, butI'm not actually the first person to suggest this. In their book,"Metaphors We Live By," linguists Mark Johnson and George Lakoffsuggest a really interesting solution to this dilemma, which is to change ourmetaphors. They argue that metaphors really do shape the way we experience theworld, and that they can even act as a guide for future actions, likeself-fulfilling prophecies.
為了協(xié)調(diào)這個(gè)矛盾，我們需要改變我們的文化要么改變我們的期望。所以，想象一下如果我們?cè)趷矍橹胁荒敲幢粍?dòng)。如果我們更自信、更開放、更慷慨，我們慢慢步入愛河，而不是墜入愛河。我知道這要求很多，但我并不是第一個(gè)提出這個(gè)建議的人。語(yǔ)言學(xué)家馬克·約翰遜(Mark Johnson)和喬治·拉考夫(George Lakoff)在他們的著作《我們賴以生存的隱喻》(metaphor We Live By)中提出了一種非常有趣的方法來(lái)解決這個(gè)難題，那就是改變我們的隱喻。他們認(rèn)為隱喻確實(shí)塑造了我們體驗(yàn)世界的方式，甚至可以作為未來(lái)行為的指南，比如自我實(shí)現(xiàn)預(yù)言。
Johnson and Lakoff suggest a new metaphorfor love: love as a collaborative work of art. I really like this way ofthinking about love. Linguists talk about metaphors as having entailments,which is essentially a way of considering all the implications of, or ideascontained within, a given metaphor. And Johnson and Lakoff talk abouteverything that collaborating on a work of art entails: effort, compromise,patience, shared goals. These ideas align nicely with our cultural investmentin long-term romantic commitment, but they also work well for other kinds ofrelationships — short-term, casual, polyamorous, non-monogamous, asexual — becausethis metaphor brings much more complex ideas to the experience of loving someone.
約翰遜和拉考夫提出了愛的一個(gè)新隱喻:愛是一種合作的藝術(shù)作品。我真的很喜歡這種思考愛情的方式。語(yǔ)言學(xué)家把隱喻看作是有牽連的，它本質(zhì)上是一種考慮給定隱喻的所有含義或包含在其中的思想的方法。約翰遜和拉考夫認(rèn)為不管是什么要合作創(chuàng)造藝術(shù)需要具備以下幾點(diǎn)：努力、妥協(xié)、耐心、共同的目標(biāo)。這些想法與我們對(duì)長(zhǎng)期浪漫承諾的文化投資非常吻合，但它們也適用于其他類型的關(guān)系——短期的、隨意的、多角戀的、非一夫一妻制的、無(wú)性的——因?yàn)檫@個(gè)比喻給愛一個(gè)人的體驗(yàn)帶來(lái)了更加復(fù)雜的概念。
So if love is a collaborative work of art,then love is an aesthetic experience. Love is unpredictable, love is creative,love requires communication and discipline, it is frustrating and emotionallydemanding. And love involves both joy and pain. Ultimately, each experience oflove is different.
所以如果愛是一種藝術(shù)合作，那么愛就是一種審美體驗(yàn)。愛是不可預(yù)測(cè)的，愛是有創(chuàng)造力的，愛需要交流和自律，愛是令人沮喪的，也是情感上的要求。愛包含了快樂和痛苦。最終，每一種愛的體驗(yàn)都是不同的。
When I was younger, it never occurred to methat I was allowed to demand more from love, that I didn't have to just acceptwhatever love offered. When 14-year-old Juliet first meets — or, when14-year-old Juliet cannot be with Romeo, whom she has met four days ago, shedoes not feel disappointed or angsty. Where is she? She wants to die. Right?And just as a refresher, at this point in the play, act three of five, Romeo isnot dead. He's alive, he's healthy, he's just been banished from the city. Iunderstand that 16th-century Verona is unlike contemporary North America, andyet when I first read this play, also at age 14, Juliet's suffering made senseto me.
當(dāng)我年輕的時(shí)候，我從來(lái)沒有想過(guò)我可以向愛索取更多，我不用對(duì)愛情逆來(lái)順受。當(dāng)14歲的朱麗葉第一次遇見—或者當(dāng)14歲的朱麗葉不能和她四天前見過(guò)的羅密歐在一起時(shí)，她不會(huì)感到失望或生氣。她在哪里呢?她想死。對(duì)吧?讓我們復(fù)習(xí)一下，在第五幕的第三幕，羅密歐沒有死。他還活著，他很健康，他剛被趕出這個(gè)城市。我知道16世紀(jì)的維羅納不同于當(dāng)代的北美，但當(dāng)我14歲第一次讀到這部戲劇時(shí)，朱麗葉的痛苦對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)是有意義的。
Reframing love as something I get to createwith someone I admire, rather than something that just happens to me without mycontrol or consent, is empowering. It's still hard. Love still feels totallymaddening and crushing some days, and when I feel really frustrated, I have toremind myself: my job in this relationship is to talk to my partner about whatI want to make together. This isn't easy, either. But it's just so much betterthan the alternative, which is that thing that feels like madness.
重塑愛情，就好像這是我和我仰慕的人共同創(chuàng)造的，而不是未經(jīng)我同意或者不受控制就發(fā)生的，這會(huì)讓人感到充滿力量。這仍然很難。有時(shí)候，愛情仍然讓人抓狂，讓人崩潰，當(dāng)我真的感到沮喪的時(shí)候，我必須提醒自己:我在這段關(guān)系中的工作就是和我的伴侶想要一起建立什么。這也不容易。但這比另一種選擇要好得多，那就是那種感覺很瘋狂的東西。
This version of love is not about winningor losing someone's affection. Instead, it requires that you trust your partnerand talk about things when trusting feels difficult, which sounds so simple,but is actually a kind of revolutionary, radical act. This is because you getto stop thinking about yourself and what you're gaining or losing in yourrelationship, and you get to start thinking about what you have to offer. Thisversion of love allows us to say things like, "Hey, we're not very goodcollaborators. Maybe this isn't for us." Or, "That relationship wasshorter than I had planned, but it was still kind of beautiful."
這種愛情無(wú)關(guān)贏得或失去誰(shuí)的愛慕，而是，它要求你信任你的伴侶，在很難信任對(duì)方的時(shí)候進(jìn)行溝通，這聽起來(lái)很簡(jiǎn)單，但實(shí)際上是一種革命性的、激進(jìn)的行為。這是因?yàn)槟悴辉僦幌氲侥阕约涸谶@段關(guān)系中得到或失去了什么，你要開始思考你給予什么。這種愛情讓我們能夠去說(shuō)，“嘿，我們的合作并不是很順利呢，或許我們不合適”或者，“這段關(guān)系持續(xù)的時(shí)間比我計(jì)劃的要短，但仍然很美好。”
The beautiful thing about the collaborativework of art is that it will not paint or draw or sculpt itself.This version oflove allows us to decide what it looks like.
藝術(shù)合作的美妙之處在于，它不會(huì)自己成為藝術(shù)品。這種愛讓我們能夠決定自己的愛情應(yīng)該是怎樣的
Thank you.
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